


Something Real

by alienat



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-13
Updated: 2012-04-13
Packaged: 2017-11-03 11:40:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 59,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/380985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alienat/pseuds/alienat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen has it all; a great job, a loving boyfriend, an amazing family. Then he wakes up to find out that it’s all been a dream.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> All the art is made by my sweet [](http://amysticka.livejournal.com/profile)[**amysticka**](http://amysticka.livejournal.com/).

  


  


  


  


The sun is just going down behind the soft hills, bathing the old mine in a glowing orange light.

  


Jensen just knows this’ll be a great shot when he looks through the lens and pushes the release on his Canon. Maryann will be proud to use it for the illustrated book she’s planning. It captures the mood of their town perfectly.

  


He takes a few more shots from different angles, but he already knows the first one was the best. It’s dark when he stumbles down the hill and into his truck. Maybe Logan will be home when he gets there. His boyfriend has been working too much lately, taking his internship at Gamble & Edlund a little too seriously for Jensen’s taste.

  


Logan always only grins at him and tells him that it’s a great opportunity for him to learn and it’ll look awesome on his résumé.

  


And Logan is right, Gamble & Edlund are the law firm you want to have on your résumé, it’ll open doors.

  


Maybe Jensen’s just a little bitter that he almost never sees his boyfriend anymore, even though they live together. Most days Logan is already gone when Jensen wakes and only comes back home when Jensen’s long gone to bed.

  


But today is their three-year-anniversary, and it be nice to have Logan at home for once, maybe watch a movie and snuggle up on the couch, some pizza from Luigi’s would be nice too and maybe sex – yeah, sex would be awesome.

  


His cell phone rings and he rummages in his bag, cursing under his breath before his fingers wrap around the sleek form. He looks on the display and rolls his eyes fondly.

  


“Hey Mom.”

  


“Hey, Jensen,” she chirps. “How’s my favorite boy doing?”

  


He snorts, knowing that she always asks Josh the same. “I’m good, on my way home from a location shoot.”

  


“The job is going well, then?”

  


“Yeah Mom, the job is going great.”

  


She’d been the one to introduce him to Maryann after her friend saw some of the pictures Jensen had taken at the Ackles’ home.

  


“That’s great, hon.” She pauses for a second. “Listen, you and Logan are coming over on Saturday, right?” He tells her ‘Of course’, wondering where she’s going with this. “Good. Josh called, telling me that he and Lisa have to tell us something important. I’m hoping she’s pregnant.”

  


Jensen chuckles. Ever since Josh and Lisa got married two years ago, his mother’s dreaming of grandchildren to spoil and pamper. Mackenzie moving away to college really took away her purpose of cooking and baking and generally taking care of her babies. Not that she’s not trying to do it anyway.

  


“Mom, don’t be disappointed when she’s not. There’s still some time,” Jensen says and she chuckles on the other end of the line.

  


“Well, I’m getting old over here. Y’all kept me waiting too long.”

  


He laughs. “Mom, you’re only in your fifties. You have plenty of time to spoil your grandkids rotten.”

  


“Still,” she says and Jensen thinks she might be pouting. “Since Mac moved out it’s so quiet here. This house was built for little footsteps echoing through it.”

  


“Oh mom, I love you, but you’re a little melodramatic, don’t ya think?”

  


She laughs. “Maybe. Could be your father driving me crazy, though.”

  


“I’ll see you Saturday, Mom. Tell dad I said ‘Hi’.”

  


“See you, honey. I love you.”

  


They disconnect the call just in time for Jensen to pull into the parking space next to Logan’s car and his apartment building. A smile forms on his face when he sees the light’s on in their living room.

  


He hasn’t even closed the door completely when he’s pushed against it and soft lips are covering his in a passionate kiss. His hands find their way into Logan’s floppy dark brown hair and he moans into the kiss.

  


The moment he met Logan, he knew that he was screwed – tall, dark hair, broad shoulders, hazel-green eyes that changed depending on the light and fucking dimples to die for. Yeah, he was gone the moment Logan looked at him from across the table in the library, pushing over a new pencil after Jensen broke his.

  


It seemed that Logan shared the sentiment, because that night timed their first date.

  


“God, I’ve missed you,” Logan whispers into his mouth, sucking on Jensen’s bottom lip for a second, before pulling away. “Sorry, for the ambush.”

  


Jensen grins at the sheepish look on Logan’s face. “I’m not complaining.”

  


“Hmm,” Logan purrs. “You smell so good. God, I really wanna suck you right now.”

  


“What’s stopping you?” Jensen asks, running his thumb over Logan’s lips and moaning when he nibbles on it.

  


“This,” he says after a moment and Jensen’s heart might have skipped a beat or five, when he sees the square velvety box lying in Logan’s hand. “Jen, you’ve been the best thing that ever happened to me. I can’t and don’t want to live without you ever again. Will you marry me?”

  


For a second every thought is drained out of Jensen’s brain and he can only nod. Then he croaks. “Yes. Yes, I want to marry you.”

  


A bright smile and those fucking dimples appear on Logan’s face and Jensen’s slams his mouth over Logan’s, pushing him towards the couch to show him how happy he really is.

  


Later that night, they’re lying in bed, with Logan’s head pillowed on Jensen’s chest and he’s running his fingers lightly through his boyfriend’s – his fiancés – hair. On TV, a chick-flick is playing and it’s actually pretty sad from what Jensen gathers. The girl is mortally ill and the guy doesn’t want to let her go, he can sympathize.

  


“I couldn’t let you go, either,” he whispers and Logan turns his head to face him, his hazel-green eyes glittering with gold spots. He’s beautiful. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  


“Y’know, the way I see it,” Logan says, running a thumb gently over Jensen’s cheekbone. “We’re soul mates. We’ll find each other. Always. So, we might have to part one day, but that’s not a ‘goodbye’, that’s a ‘see you later’.”

  


Jensen chuckles lightly. “Yeah?”

  


“Yeah, dumbass. You’re stuck with me.”

  


Jensen can imagine worse things than been stuck with Logan.


	2. Chapter 1

  


Jeff Morgan swipes his security card over the reader and punches in his six digit security code, waiting for the little red light to change to green and the door to slide open. 

‘Good Morning, Nurse Morgan’ appears on the small display and the door opens with a whoosh. 

He steps into the white hallway and makes his way down towards the elevators. Sometimes he feels like he’s stuck in a cheap remake of ‘Men in Black’ or ‘Alias’. Why do all secret government facilities have to be like this, Cold and anonymous?

One time Jeff had tried to persuade Kripke, the head of the facility, to paint the hallways a friendlier color, but he was shut down with a blank look and an ‘It’s not like the patients even notice it’. Yeah, Kripke could be a coldhearted bastard. He is way more concerned with his research than with any of their guinea pigs. 

Twenty years ago, Jeff needed the money. Today only one reason is making him stay here. That said reason has his daily check-up in half-an-hour and Jeff has to get him out of bed first, which is really not an easy task, considering that Jensen loves his sleep. Or maybe he should say Jensen’s subconscious loves sleep. 

He’s never even exchanged a word with Jensen. Yeah, he talked to him all the time; told him all about the things that went on outside, but it wasn’t like Jensen would answer back anytime soon. Jeff only knew Jensen’s voice from the couple of times he had talked in his sleep. 

The elevator takes Jeff to the top floor of the building and he waves at Julie, who’s manning the front desk right now. Not that they’d even needed a front desk, in Jeff’s opinion. They don’t get visitors. 

At the moment the facility houses eight patients, as Kripke likes to call them, five nurses and ten doctors. Jeff had been asked if he wanted to move into the facility a couple of times over the years, but he had always declined. He likes his apartment in the heart of Washington DC and loves that he can close the door on all the things going wrong in his life at least once a day. 

On his way to Jensen’s room, Jeff comes across some of his co-workers, exchanging a couple of platitudes with them, before resuming his walk. It’s not like Jeff doesn’t like his co-workers, they’re nice as far as Jeff can tell. But like he himself, his co-workers are mostly concerned about the well-being of their assigned patients. 

Most patients come and go, having signed a contract with the facility for a period of two or three years. Sometimes Jeff things they must have been in a pretty bad place in their lives to just sign it away for two years or longer. But at least they did it of their own freewill. 

Jensen didn’t have that. He’s the first patient Kripke had when he first started this research project almost twenty-five years ago. Jensen was just short of three months old. Jeff had learned that two months after he first stepped foot in this place. He’d made a fuss about it, threatening Kripke to go to the police. This was kidnapping. 

Kripke had watched him with an amused smile on his face and said he was very welcome to go to the police, but first he should consider who he was taking it up with. And by the way, if he didn’t like how Kripke ran things, he was very welcome to quit. 

In the end he did neither. 

It was five-year-old Jensen looking at him with those bright green eyes that never focused clearly on anything, except for when he was in class – yeah, Kripke took it on himself to educate Jensen just like any other kid – that made the decision for Jeff when he threw his arms around his body and clung to him when Jeff told him he would leave. 

If Jeff’s honest, he doesn’t really know how the thing with the subconscious works, something with stimulating regions of the brain that a person wouldn’t normally use when awake. That’s why they’re all in a trance-like state; they eat, they shower, they take a piss, just like normal people, but all of that without doing it consciously. They even learn things in this state. 

It’s actually pretty amazing what the brain can do. 

It just breaks his heart that Jensen’s never even really lived. It’s bullshit Kripke tells him, because even though Jensen’s body and his subconscious might be here, the conscious part of his brain is dreaming and he’s experiencing everything every other person would experience in their life too. 

To Jeff it’s not the same. But Jeff’s only the nurse here and he’s free to quit if he doesn’t agree with how Kripke runs things. A couple of times a year, Jeff threatens to quit and Kripke tells him where the door is. In the end both of them know that Jeff wouldn’t leave Jensen alone, not ever. 

He pushes open the door to Jensen’s room to see him sitting upright on his bed, the IV with the medication that kept the conscious part of his brain in a dreamlike state, pushed into the back of his left hand. Jeff sighs, he doesn’t like when somebody else does his job. He checks the needle and relaxes when he realizes that everything looks good. 

Maybe he should be grateful that the medication would last for a week and Jensen only needs this IV attached to his hand for a few hours every Monday. 

“Hey, Jen,” he says and grins when Jensen lifts his head at the noise. “How’re you doing today, buddy? Listen, we have to be at your daily check-up in ten minutes. So, how about we do that first and then have a nice long breakfast. I’m sure Claudia’ll make some pancakes especially for us. How does that sound?”

Jensen stays silent – of course, he does. Twenty years, for twenty years Jeff’s been sitting next to a silent Jensen, chatting away, just because a five-year-old had once clung to his hips. Nobody could really explain what happened that day. Jensen shouldn’t have been able to do that, but he did and he sealed Jeff’s fate with it. 

They make their way back to the elevator and take it down to the 23rd floor. It’s the level where the examinations and daily check-ups are held and Dr. Johansson is already waiting for them. 

“Hey, Jeff.”

“Dr. Johansson, I bring you Jensen.”

“Great,” he says, grinning. “Hey, Jensen. Why don’t you get up on the table for me?” Jensen does as he’s told without batting an eye and Jeff turns his head away. “Listen, Jeff. Kripke told me he wanted to talk to you and said to send you up once Jensen was here for his daily check-up.”

Jeff frowns slightly. “Ehm, okay. You know what this is about?”

Johansson shakes his head. “He didn’t say. Just told me to send you right up.”

He nods. “Okay.” Walking over to Jensen on the exam table, he says, “Jensen, I have to go up and see Dr. Kripke. I’ll be back in time to pick you up again, okay?” He pats Jensen’s shoulder and tells Johansson to take good care of him. 

The elevator takes him back up to the 40th floor. It’s where all the doctors’ offices are; Kripke’s is the one at the end of a nicely decorated hallway. It’s the only hallway that’s not white, apparently the doctors care how their floor looks. 

Gina, Kripke’s secretary, grins at him and waves him right through. “He’s waiting for you.”

Jeff has to admit he feels slightly uncomfortable walking into Kripke’s office without knowing what this is about. 

He knocks and opens the door a little, pushing his head through. “Eric?” 

“Come in, Jeff and take a seat please. We have things to discuss.”

Jeff steps inside the neatly furnished office and drops into a chair in front of Kripke’s desk. The man in question is sitting in his executive chair behind the desk, his fingertips pressed together and an unreadable look on his face. 

“So, what’s all this about, if you don’t mind me asking?” Jeff’s never been one to beat around the bush. 

“I’ve received a phone call this weekend concerning patient 1284.”

“His name’s Jensen,” Jeff grits out. He hates that Kripke can’t seem to bother learning his patients’ names. 

“Jensen, right.” Kripke looks down at a note in front of him, as if he’s checking the accuracy of Jeff’s retort. “So, I got this call telling me that Jensen’s contract will be terminated with his 25th birthday. We all know that’s next Monday.”

Jeff swallows hard, his palms starting to get sweaty. “What does that mean?”

“That means, this is the last Monday Jensen will get the medication and then we’re going to let him wake up.”

“What?” Jeff exclaims, disbelievingly. “You can’t just let him wake up.”

Kripke looks actually a little taken aback and replies, “Haven’t you been the one to tell me that it was wrong what I was doing all those years? Now, I’m going to let the boy wake up and you’re still not happy. Make up your mind, Jeff.”

Jeff jumps up from his chair and starts pacing. “He’s been in this state for twenty-five years, Eric. Yeah, I never agreed with you how some things were handled. But this,” he shakes his head, running a hand through his hair, “you’re robbing him of the life’s he’s believed to be true for twenty-five years.”

“Well, this is not up for discussion, Jeff. Jensen will wake up next week. So you better get used to it.” Kripke says, slamming Jensen’s file shut. 

“Who was it?”

“What?” Kripke frowns. 

“Who called and told you that Jensen has to wake up?” Jeff asks, staring intently at his boss. 

Kripke sighs, pushing away from his desk and turning to the filing cabinet, putting away Jensen’s file. “You know I can’t tell you that, Jeff. It’s confidential.”

“Fuck confidential!” Jeff curses. “I wanna know who’s responsible for this mess.”

“Well, I can’t tell you. I really don’t know why you’re acting like a petulant child, Jeff. This is what you wanted; for Jensen to have a life, to go out and learn about the world.”

Jeff takes a step back. Because, yeah that’s what he had wanted, twenty years ago. “You don’t get it, Eric, do you? He’ll wake up to a world where nothing’s like it used to be. His family, his girlfriend, everything’s a dream.”

“How do you know he dreams about those things?”

“Because he’s a twenty-five years old. That’s what people dream about. And he talks in his sleep sometimes.”

“Well, he’ll learn to adjust.”

The indifference in Kripke’s voice is what pushes Jeff over the edge. His fingers curl in the coat Kripke’s wearing and he’s slamming him against the wall.

“You’re a selfish, coldhearted, bastard. You don’t care about anything but yourself.” He shakes his head. “As soon as Jensen’s ready to leave I’ll quit.”

“Like I told you all those years, Jeff, you’re free to leave whenever.” Kripke pries away Jeff’s fingers from his coat one by one. “I’ll see you in a week.”

The dismissal is clear in Kripke’s voice and Jeff steps back, rushing out of the office and towards the examination area to pick up Jensen. He promised him breakfast after all. 

  


The week ‘til Jensen’s 25th birthday is clouded with a sense of foreboding and Jeff can’t seem to shake the uneasy feeling that’s settling in his belly. This can only end badly. He just knows it. 

He tries to get his own thoughts away from the moment that’ll change everything, by reading every single newspaper article to Jensen; by sitting on the roof-deck and enjoying the first ray of sunshine of the early year and by finishing reading War and Peace. They’ve been reading it for the better of six months now, because Jeff can’t bring himself to read more than two or three pages at a time. But it’s a classic and Jeff thinks Jensen should know it. 

He chats away the whole time, mostly random things about what he’s seeing on his way to work in the mornings or evenings. But he also finds himself telling Jensen what he’s afraid will happen when Jensen wakes up. Not that Jensen will ever remember any of their conversation, not directly at least. 

Monday comes all too soon and Jeff stays in the room with Jensen, waiting for the last of the medication to work its way through his system and then for Jensen to wake up. Kripke ordered a light sedation for Jensen, so that he’s asleep when the last of the medication runs out. Jeff wonders if he’s asleep in his dream as well or if this’ll rip him right out of a dream sequence. 

It’s around noon and Jeff’s looking out the window, when a soft groan catches his attention. He spins around and sees Jensen’s eyelids fluttering and then open. He looks disoriented for second and then his eyes settle on Jeff for the first time in twenty years. 

“What happened?” Jensen croaks. “Where am I?”

Jeff makes his way to the bed and pours Jensen a glass of water, handing it to him and helping him to take a sip. 

“Thanks,” Jensen says. “Was I in an accident? I don’t remember.” Jeff smiles sadly and he has to bite back the tears that are threatening to fall. “What about my family? Where are they? Are they okay? Is Logan okay? We were on the way to my parents’ place. Please tell me Logan’s okay.”

“Jensen…” Jeff starts and his voice breaks.

“Oh god, no. Something happened to them.” Tears are building in Jensen’s eyes. “No please.”

Jensen breaking apart is the moment Jeff needs to pull himself together. He grabs Jensen’s hand and squeeze. 

“Okay, calm down. Everything’ll be fine.” God, he’s such a shitty liar. “Your family and Logan are okay. Nothing’s happened to them.” He feels the tension drain out of Jensen. 

“Oh, that’s good. So where are they?” It seems so natural for Jensen to assume that when he’s in the hospital that his family and Logan – whoever that is – would be here.

“Jensen, nothing’s happened to your family and Logan because,” Jeff takes a deep breath and looks at the ceiling praying for some divine assistance in this. Of course, nothing happens.

“Because what?” Jensen’s seems to get irritated and he pulls his hand out of Jeff’s. “Tell me where my family are!”

“Nothing happened to your family, because they’re not real,” Jeff rushes to say and sees Jensen’s eyes widen. 

“What?! That’s insane.” Jensen shakes his head, pushing away the blanket and swinging his legs over the edge. “You’re insane. Of course my family is real.”

“I’m sorry, Jensen.” Jeff’s heart breaks for him. “But they’re not. Ever since you were a small baby your conscious part of the brain was put in a dreamlike state. Everything you think is true, your family, your girlfriend ...”

“Boyfriend,” Jensen spits. 

Jeff swallows hard. “Okay, boyfriend. Nothing’s real. You’ve spent the last twenty-five years of your life here, in this room, in this facility.”

“No,” Jensen shakes his head. “No, that’s not true. I was on my way to my parents and then I woke up here. You’re lying. Why are lying?” He sprints to the door, only to be stopped by two of Jeff’s co-workers. Kripke knew this would happen. “No don’t touch me. Don’t. NO! HELP! LOGAN!”

A tear runs down Jeff’s face, while he watches his co-workers pushing a needle into Jensen’s arm. He wants to kill Kripke for this mess. His co-workers take Jensen back to the bed and lay him down, securing his arms to the bed. 

“No, please. Let me go. Please. This is a mistake. Just please,” Jensen’s begging. 

Jeff closes his eyes, rubbing his hand over his face. “You’ll be okay, Jensen. I promise. Just sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Jensen looks at him with wide, scared eyes. “I want my family. Please. I want Logan.”

Slowly, the sedative works its magic and Jensen’s eyes slip shut. Jeff wipes away his tears. “I swear, I’m gonna make it up to you. Not sure how, but I swear I will.”

  


When Jensen wakes, his head is a little fuzzy and he tries to remember if he and Logan went drinking last night. But when he opens his eyes, instead of Logan he sees the guy with the salt and pepper hair sitting in a chair next to the hospital bed he’s in and everything comes rushing back to him. 

The guy told him that Logan’s not real, that his family’s not real, that he’s been dreaming all of that. God, this can’t be true. This has to be a nightmare, a horrible, vivid nightmare from which Jensen’s not able to wake up from. 

He tries to sit up and finds his arms bound to the bed. The noise startles the guy in the chair and he finds two brown eyes watching him intently. 

“You going to freak out again, or can I untie you?”

Jensen swallows hard. “I won’t run, if that’s what you mean.”

He feels eerily calm in the guy’s presence and can’t for the life of him explain why that is. But somehow he has the feeling that they’ve known each other for a long time. 

“Fair enough.” The guy unties him and Jensen rubs over his wrists slowly. “I’m Jeff.”

“Jensen. But you already know that.”

Jeff gives him a small grin. “Yeah, but it’s nice to not be the only one talking anymore.”

Jensen can’t bring himself to return the grin. “So, you’re what? My chaperone?”

Jeff chuckles. “Your nurse, I’m your nurse. For twenty years now.”

Jensen’s eyes grow wide. Twenty years. Everything… he can’t wrap his head around the fact that everything he believed to be true, was a dream. It felt real. 

“I… this is like a nightmare and I can’t seem to wake up.”

“For all it’s worth, I’m sorry. I was against this. But Kripke – the head of the facility – said to wake you up. There was nothing I could have done.”

Jensen’s head is spinning. “This can’t be real. Gosh, why is this happening to me?”

Jeff looks stricken. “I really don’t know. Why do bad things happen to good people?”

“I just want my life back.”

“Look, Jensen.” Jeff leans forward resting his elbows on his knees. “I know this is not what you want to hear at all, but there is a life out there waiting for you. One that’s been waiting for twenty-five years.”

Jensen curls his fingers into a fist. “So, what? You just want me to forget, want me to move on?” he hisses. 

“I want you to try.”

“This is bullshit!” he exclaims, swiping the bottle of water from his nightstand in his rage. “I didn’t ask for this. I don’t want this. Put me back to sleep. Please. Just get me back.”

Jeff looks at him sadly. “I can’t. You contract ran out. That’s why you’ve been woken up. Kripke will talk to you today or tomorrow and then you’ll be sent on your way.”

“My contract? What the hell is wrong with you people? I never signed a contract.”

“No, I know. Somebody did it for you when you were still a baby. Jensen, somebody gave you to Kripke and signed your life over to him.”

He feels like his head is going to explode and his breath is ragged. The room blurs before his eyes, but then a warm hand settles on his neck, pushing his head forward.

“Breath, in and out. In and out. Steady.”

Jensen doesn’t know why, but Jeff’s deep voice calms him down and brings the world back into focus. “I can’t do this,” he sobs, feeling the tears fall. 

“Yes, you can. You’re strong and you’re not alone.”

Jensen wants to argue that ‘Yes, he is alone’, but then he feels strong arms winding around his shoulders and pulling him against Jeff’s chest. He wants to protest, wants to pull away, but his body thinks differently melting in Jeff’s embrace. 

  


Kripke let’s Jensen know that he expects him in his office first thing in the morning and Jensen almost has another panic attack. Because, what the hell is he supposed to do when they kick him out of here?

Slowly, he comes to the realization that this might be a nightmare, but he’s not going to wake up. Jeff sits with him, tells him about things that are going on outside of the doors of the facility. 

“Twenty-five years,” Jensen mumbles. “Have I really been here for twenty-five years?”

Jeff sighs. “I’m afraid so. I joined the team when you were five.”

Jensen cocks his head and watches Jeff curiously. He can’t image what it’s like to spend your life caring for someone who doesn’t acknowledge your presence. 

“What was it like? What was I like?”

Jeff’s silent for a long time. “Quiet,” he says and then grins. 

Jensen can’t help but grin back. Jeff’s been with him for twenty years and he only just met the man, but his subconscious seems to remember Jeff well, trusting the man and feeling safe in his presence. 

“You really wanna know what you were like?” Jeff asks a second later and Jensen nods. 

Yeah, if he knows what he was like, maybe just maybe he can try to connect his two worlds, find common grounds to build a new life. 

“There’re videos of the sessions. I can get them if you want.”

Jensen chews on his bottom lip nervously and then nods. “Yeah, I want.”

Jeff nods. “Okay. I’ll go get them.”

He pulls the door closed behind him and leaves Jensen alone in the room. It’s the first time since Jensen woke up that he’s really been alone. His heart aches and he misses Logan like a limb. For a second he wonders what Logan’s doing now, but then he tells himself this is stupid because Logan’s not real; he’s not doing anything, neither are his parents. 

Before Jensen can dwell on the fact that nothing he remembers is real, Jeff’s back and pushing a portable table in front of him. He gives Jensen a small smile and then turns on the DVD player. 

At first Jensen can’t even make himself understand that the small boy sitting between the building bricks is his younger self. His eyes look empty, but his hands are doing the task that a bald man is asking him to do. He builds a tower without ever looking at him. The bald man seems to be very satisfied with what he’s seeing, if the way he’s scribbling on the notepad before him is anything to go by. 

“The brain is an amazing organ. It can do things you don’t even think are possible,” Jeff says. “I watched you do amazing things, without really being here. You have a high school diploma.”

Jensen’s eyes widen. “What?” he asks baffled. “But how?”

“Kripke’s a genius, that’s how. He’s an ass, but he’s a genius ass. He wanted you to have an education. I never knew why, but I guess he knew that your stay here would end some day and he wanted you prepared. He and the other doctors taught your subconscious a lot of things. You might not remember them directly, but if you need the knowledge, it’ll be there.”

They watch a few more videos, before Jensen says, “I miss my family. I miss Logan. Is that weird?” He’s almost crying again. Gosh, he hates to cry. 

Jeff smiles softly. “I don’t think it’s weird. Those were the people closest to your memory; of course you’ll miss them.”

“But they weren’t real. God, I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that all of it was just a dream.”

“They were real. To you, they were,” Jeff says and he sounds completely serious. “Jensen, you lost your family, your boyfriend and your life in one day. You’re allowed to grieve.”

“Logan asked me to marry him, we were about to tell my parents.”

Jeff shakes his head slowly. “I’m sorry. I really am. I wish I could fix it.”

“This is not fair,” Jensen says angrily. 

“I know.”

“Who gives away a baby to some weird psycho who experiments with dreams and brains? I don’t get it. Why would anyone give their baby away for this?”

“I don’t know. Believe me, I asked Kripke, but he won’t say anything.”

Jensen falls back on his pillow. “What am I gonna do, Jeff?”

“First, you gonna sleep and then you’ll talk to Kripke. After that, we’ll figure it out.”

“We?” Jensen asks surprised, having imagined that Jeff would be out the door the moment Jensen walked into Kripke’s office tomorrow morning. 

“Of course we, silly. I’ve been with you for twenty years; you think I’m just going to abandon you? No way, you’re stuck with me. You’re like a little brother to me.”

Jensen feels a little tension falling away at the prospect of Jeff being there in the morning. “Okay.”

  


The next morning Jensen’s a nervous wreck and Jeff has to threaten to give him some Xanax, before he stops pacing. 

“Kripke he’s not so bad.”

Jensen snorts. “Yeah right, except for when he’s using babies for his weird experiments.”

Jeff huffs out a laugh. “I like your snark, could get used to it too.”

They take the elevator to the 40th floor and Jeff leads him through a corridor, nicely decorated with prints of Gauguin and Monet. For a second Jensen wonders how he knows that, but then he remembers what Jeff said about Kripke teaching him. 

Passing a young girl, chewing on her gum and winking at Jeff, they stop before a huge wooden door. 

“This is Kripke’s.”

Jensen takes a deep breath and licks his lips. “You’re coming in with me, right?”

Jeff gives him a reassuring smile. “I’ll wait here.”

“No please, come with me,” Jensen pleads quietly. 

“Jensen…”

“I can’t do this alone. I want you with me. Please.”

Jeff sighs. “Okay, I’ll come with you.”

Jensen pushes the door open, only to see a bald man sitting behind huge mahogany desk. It’s the same bald man from the DVDs, only older. He smiles at Jensen, but instead of reassuring him it sends cold shivers down his spine. If Kripke has a problem with Jeff being here, he doesn’t say so. 

“Jensen, Jeff. Please, come sit down.”

Jensen shoots a short look at Jeff, who smiles at him and pushes him forward. “Hello Eric,” he greets once they’re seated in the chairs in front of the desk. Jensen keeps his mouth shut. 

“Well, it nice to finally meet you when you’re conscious, Jensen,” Kripke says and Jensen snorts. 

“Right.”

Jeff hides a grin behind his hand and Kripke shoots him an amused look, but doesn’t comment on Jensen’s retort. “Today we’re here because your contract was terminated last week and this means you’re no longer part of the ‘Dreams’ research team.”

“Who terminated my contract? It sure as hell wasn’t me,” Jensen shoots back. 

“I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you that. It’s confidential.”

“Confidential my ass,” Jensen hisses, getting up from his seat. “How much money did you get because of me?” Kripke tenses and Jensen knows he hit a nerve. “That’s right, isn’t it? Someone gave you money for you to study me. Must hurt to lose all that.”

“I won’t lie to you, I got funds when I first started this project,” Kripke says. “But that hasn’t been the case in years.”

“So what? You just kept me here out of the goodness of your heart?” Jensen spits. 

“No. I kept you’re here, because your brain is very fascinating, Jensen. I’m really sad to see you go, but the person who signed your contract twenty-five years ago, insisted on being able to terminate the contract at any time.”

“Who was that person?”

“I’m not at liberty to tell you that.”

“This is bullshit!” Jensen yells. “You did this to me. The least you can do is to be honest.”

“I never did anything to you,” Kripke says calmly. 

“Oh yeah, so you can give me back my life, my family, my fiancé?” Kripke looks actually chastised. “No, you can’t, can you? Don’t say you didn’t do anything. You’re the reason I’ll never see them again.”

“They weren’t real.”

Jensen feels it as if Kripke hit him right in the gut. “They were to me, you bastard. They were all I had and you took them away from me.”

“I’m sorry, Jensen. But I can’t tell you who signed your contract, I never met them personally. They gave me a name, but that’s all.”

“And you never questioned why they would hand over their baby?” Jensen asks incredulously. He can’t believe this guy. 

“I did. They showed me the birth certificate and it stated that you were theirs. I didn’t ask any more questions. People have secrets, Jensen. I knew what I needed to know.”

“Will you tell me the name?” Jensen asks, sounding desperate even to his own ears. 

“It’s all in here,” Kripke says, holding up a thick manila envelope. “I received a few things I was told to give you. So, here, it’s for you.”

Jensen opens the envelope carefully, turning it around and emptying it on Kripke’s desk. The first thing that he recognized was his high school diploma. 

“I thought it might come in handy,” Kripke says and Jensen thinks he might hear something akin to caring in his voice. 

There is an insurance card and the necessary paper work to back it all up, just like there is an ATM card and all his account information with the banking institution. He finds his social security number and last but not least his ID, with his full name: Jensen Ross Ackles. 

“Is this the name they gave you when they handed me over?” Jensen asks, afraid that his name might not even be real. 

“Yes,” Kripke says. “I have every reason to believe that it’s your real name.”

The last thing that’s lying on the surface of the desk is a letter with his name on in. The writing is neat and Jensen can’t remember seeing it anywhere before. He puts all the things back into the envelope. 

“I guess that’s it, huh?” 

“Yes.” Kripke gets up from his chair. “I wish you the best, Jensen. The same goes for you, Jeff. You’ve been an enrichment for our team. It was nice working with you.”

Jensen frowns and looks at Jeff, who just nods at Kripke and says, “You too, Eric. Goodbye.”

Jeff pushes Jensen out of the office, before he can say anything. “You’re leaving the facility?” he asks when they’re waiting for the elevator. 

“I hate the place.”

“If you hate it so much, why have you been here for twenty years?” Jensen asks stunned.

Jeff looks over to him, raising his eyebrows. “Do I really have to tell you?”

Jensen flushes a little and shakes his head. No, Jeff doesn’t have to say it, Jensen guesses. It’s pretty much written all over his face. 

“Thank you.”

Jeff looks at him intently and then nods. “Let’s get outta here.”

  


Jeff had brought some jeans and a t-shirt with him that Jensen is now wearing for their drive to wherever and had told Jensen that they would go shopping tomorrow. Jensen’s not sure where he’s going from here and he follows Jeff like a lost puppy to his car. 

They drive through Washington for the better part of an hour before Jeff stops the car in front of a nice looking brick building. 

“We’re here.”

“Here where?” Jensen asks. 

Jeff lets out a deep breath. “It’s where I live. I thought you could move into the guest room for awhile, just until you find something and only if you want to.”

Jensen sighs. “Jeff, let’s make something clear here. I’m engaged – or I was engaged at least – I don’t… I need.”

Jeff laughs. “No, Jensen. Stop. I like my lovers with boobs, thank you very much.”

“Oh,” Jensen breathes and then blushes deep red. “Sorry,” he says sheepishly.

“It’s okay, kid,” Jeff says, still laughing and ruffles his hair. 

Jensen wants to tell him that he’s not a kid anymore, but then he thinks about it and doesn’t say anything, because for Jeff, he might just be like a kid. 

Jeff’s apartment is clean and tidy. The walls are a warm shade of beige and the furniture looks new and unused. 

“Dude, you live here?”

Jeff shrugs. “It’s not like I spend a lot of time here. Come on, I’ll show you the guest room.” 

The room Jeff leads him to is the last door on the right of the small corridor that leads away from the living room and kitchen. It’s painted in an ocean blue and the bed has fitted bedding. 

“It’s not much, but I thought it’d be enough as a start.” Jeff actually sounds a little shy about Jensen seeing his home. 

“I like it. It’s nice.”

“Great. So how about some early lunch? Sandwiches okay with you?”

Jensen nods. “Listen, Jeff. About rent and stuff.”

Jeff holds his hand up and stops Jensen from saying any more, “We’ll get you started first and then talk about anything else later, okay? Kripke paid me enough over the years and I barely spent anything of it, so there’s enough to keep us both living for a while.”

“Okay. I don’t have to like it, but okay.”

Jeff grins. “Good. Now, food.”

Jeff makes them turkey and ham sandwiches with a special sauce that Jensen could die for. When he asks what it’s in it, Jeff tells him that he’d have to kill him if he tells him and winks at him. 

Jensen only met Jeff yesterday, but he has the feeling that he’s known him for years and it’s a little hard to grasp that they’ve really known each other for twenty years now. It’s easy with Jeff, the banter between them making Jensen feel calm and relaxed. Without Jeff’s presence he’d probably be sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth, but Jeff’s good at distracting him from the dark thoughts just waiting to break through and hold him prisoner later in the day. Despite all that, Jensen finds himself thinking about Logan and what he would think of Jeff. Jensen’s pretty sure he’d like the older man, even though he’d be jealous as all hell. Jensen’s heart aches at the thought and he takes another bite of his sandwich. 

After lunch Jeff shows him the other rooms; it’s not much, just Jeff’s bedroom and his en suite bathroom, and the bathroom Jensen will be using. Everything is neat and tidy and screams “home” in Jensen’s face. It actually reminds him a little of the house he grew up in – the house he dreamt he grew up in. 

“It’s nice here, Jeff. I like it.”

“I’m glad. I don’t bring many people here.”

“What about your family?” Jensen asks, suddenly curious about that since Jeff hasn’t talked about that. 

“My mom lives down in Florida. I see her once or twice during the year.”

“And your dad?”

“He died a couple of years back,” Jeff says. “Cancer, after that, mom needed a change of scenery and moved to be by my aunt, who already lived in Florida.”

“Shit, sorry, man.”

“Naw, it’s okay. I miss him, but I dealt with it.”

“So, what about a wife or a girlfriend? You can’t be all alone in this big city.”

Jeff chuckles. “No wife, no girlfriend. Never really found anyone I wanted to spend my life with, y’know. I have a few buddies I’ll meet every other Friday for a beer. But other than that I guess I worked a lot.”

Jensen looks at Jeff disbelievingly and shakes his head, not knowing what to say. 

“Hey, you don’t need to pity me. I liked working,” Jeff says, grinning. “And I’ll have enough time off now, to do all the social crap.”

Jensen chuckles. “I guess you do.”

“So?” Jeff cocks his head. “You wanna find out about Jensen Ackles?”

“What do you mean?” Jensen asks, a frown on his forehead. 

“Well, there is something called Google. Let’s find out if there’s any trace of you or any possible family members.”

They sit down on the couch and Jeff pulls out his laptop from under the coffee table, turning it on. At first they search for Jensen’s name. Nothing comes up. Then they google his last name. There are a few Ackles all over the US and Jensen writes down their names to contact them later and maybe find his family. 

After that, Jeff pulls out the envelope with all the things Kripke handed Jensen and they check his personal documents again. Turns out all the insurance papers are the best from the best and after a double take at a bank statement that’s lying on top of the pile of the bank papers, Jensen finds out that he’s loaded too. 

Jeff whistles through his teeth when he sees the number. “Well, somebody had a guilty conscience.”

Jensen agrees with him, counting the zeros again. It really is that much. With this much money he won’t ever have to work again and Jeff won’t either. Somebody had a huge guilty conscience. 

The hours pass in a rush and soon it’s dark outside. Jensen feels drained and Jeff seems to know it. 

“Why don’t you go to bed? I’m sure I have some spare shorts for you to use and tomorrow we’ll do some shopping.” 

Jensen nods and makes his way into the bathroom, where he finds a still wrapped toothbrush and toothpaste. He brushes his teeth quickly and then tells Jeff good night. When he walks into his room he finds black shorts on his bed and strips out of his clothes. 

As soon as his head hits the pillow, Jensen feels tears burning behind his eyes; being in the dark silent room drives it home that he’s lost everything. He misses Logan so much it feels like there’s a hole ripped in his heart, he misses his mom’s laughter and his dad’s sparkling eyes. He just wishes he could close his eyes and be back there, but it hasn’t work the last two times he’s slept and he doubts it’ll work this time. 

He cries himself to sleep that night. 


	3. Something Real 2/?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen has it all; a great job, a loving boyfriend, an amazing family. Then he wakes up to find out that it’s all been a dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the art is made by my sweet [](http://amysticka.livejournal.com/profile)[**amysticka**](http://amysticka.livejournal.com/).

  


Over the next few of weeks, they go shopping, buy new furniture for Jensen’s room, do the touristy-thing and try to find out more about Jensen’s past. The name on the birth certificate says Donna and Alan Ackles, but there’s no record of either and slowly the realization creeps up on Jeff that those are fake names. 

Their last resort is the letter that Eric handed Jensen. Jeff can see that Jensen rather not read it, but it might be the only connection to someone in this life. 

“You want me to read it?” Jeff asks and Jensen looks up from where he’s been staring at the envelope in his hands. 

He nods. “Yeah, thank you.”

Taking a deep breath Jeff rips the envelope open. The writing is small and neat, Jeff guesses it’s been written by a woman. 

_Jensen,_

If you read this, Dr. Kripke kept his promise and let you wake up. I’m sure things must be really confusing right now and I have to hope that Jeff is with you. 

You’ve probably asked yourself why this all happened to you. I don’t have a clever explanation for it, other than it was for the best. I’m sorry if that doesn’t seem enough.

I remember the day you were born. You could barely keep your eyes open, but your fingers wrapped around one of mine and I knew you would be strong.

Just believe that, Jensen. You’re strong and you’ll be okay. I wish I could see you now, all handsome and grown up. I wish I could be a part of your life, but I know that it’s better this way. 

Have the best of lives, Jensen. 

Love, S

Jeff looks stunned at the letter in his hands. She knew about him when she wrote the letter. That means she’s been keeping track of Jensen. But why doesn’t she step forward and be there for Jensen?

“S,” Jensen says slowly. “Is she my mom? I mean, we already know that Donna and Alan are fake names.”

Jeff shakes his head. “I don’t know. It sounds like it.”

“But why isn’t she here, then?”

“I wish I knew, Jensen. I really wish I knew.”

After reading the letter, they try to find every S. Ackles in all States, but there’s nothing. Jeff tries to keep his game face on, but the more they look into things the more it becomes clear that there is no way for them to find out where Jensen came from. 

Jensen seems to realize it too, because after a month of living at Jeff’s, he pulls into himself and refuses to do anymore research on himself or his supposed parents. He sits on the couch most of the day, staring into space and doing nothing. Jeff tries to get him off the thing; drags him into town more often than not, but it doesn’t help to pull Jensen out of his funk. 

The whole time since Jensen came home with him, Jeff had encouraged him to talk about his life while he was in a trance. He thinks it’s better for Jensen to be able to talk about this than closing off completely and letting it eat at him. 

The dreams might not have been real, but the memories Jensen has are and Jeff knows that Jensen needs time to grieve and deal with suddenly being alone in the world. 

Time drags on though and Jensen doesn’t get better. He gets worse; barely eating, barely sleeping. Yes, Jeff hears him shuffling through the living room at 3 a.m. He also hears Jensen cry when he goes to bed at night. Not knowing what to do or how to help Jensen, Jeff does nothing and tries to be there if Jensen wants to talk. 

It’s the middle of April when Jeff finally gets an idea on how to pull Jensen out of his funk. 

It’s raining and they’ve been cooped up in the apartment all day, with Jensen wandering restlessly through the living room and kitchen area. Eventually he stops and looks at the picture of Jeff and his mom that is standing on the shelf next to the TV. Never before has Jensen shown any interest in the couple of pictures Jeff has put up in his apartment and Jeff looks up when Jensen stops in front of the shelf, looking intently at the picture. 

“I worked as a professional photographer,” Jensen says into the silence of the room and startles Jeff. 

“What?”

Jensen lets out a deep breath. “In my life – before I mean – I worked as a photographer.”

“Really?” Jeff asks, interested. “What photos did you take?”

“Everything. It was kinda my thing. Logan often teased me about always having my camera with me.” Jensen sounds sad and it breaks Jeff’s heart. “It’s nice to have pictures of the people you love.”

Jeff feels his heart sink and he swallows hard. “Jensen…“

“No,” Jensen says quickly. “Just leave it at that. There’s nothing you could do to make it better anyway.” He shakes his head. “I’ve been wondering how I knew about such a thing as photography. Because I’m pretty sure you didn’t tell me about it.”

Deciding to ignore the sadness in Jensen’s voice, Jeff chuckles. “No, it definitely wasn’t me. I can’t take a good pic for the life of me. But I know that one of the night nurses turned the TV in your room to the learning channel and I would bet that they had programs about photography.”

“Ah,” Jensen nods. “Yeah, that’s probably it.”

He stands in front of Jeff’s picture for a long time, just looking at it. Jeff is sure that he’s seeing different pictures in his head and it saddens him immensely. He’d give everything if it would mean that Jensen would be happy again. 

  


Jensen blinks his eyes open, looking at the white painted ceiling.

No matter how much he wants to dream about his past life, it doesn’t happen. He’s been at Jeff’s for something close to two months and each and every day drags on, draining the life out of him. There’s this ache in his chest and he can’t seem to shake it. Maybe he doesn’t want to. He clings to his memories, even though he has difficulty remembering how exactly his mom sounded when she laughed, or how his dad’s eyes crinkled when he smiled. He tries to remember the exact shade of Logan’s eyes and there’s nothing. 

The dream is fading. 

He can hear Jeff walking around in the living room and he dreads getting up. Having those eyes full of pity on him just makes him sick. He knows that Jeff means well, but he doesn’t know how Jensen feels. Nobody does. 

There’s a knock on his door and Jeff’s gruff voice sounds through it. “Breakfast is ready, Jensen.”

Groaning, he pushes off the bed and pulls on his sweatpants. They’re soft and hang low on his hips, Logan would have loved them. He pads into the living/kitchen area and sees Jeff putting scrambled eggs on his plate. It’s pushed to the place Jensen always sits when he eats and Jeff grins at him. 

“Morning, sleepyhead. You got anything planned for today?”

Jensen shakes his head and takes a seat at the breakfast bar. He grunts a little when Jeff hands over his coffee and smells at the black liquid. It’s the only thing he has left: coffee. Coffee and alcohol. 

“God, you’re such a bad morning person,” Jeff says, chuckling lightly. Something’s changed; last night Jeff was watching him with brown, pitiful eyes. But right now he’s grinning at Jensen and urging him on to eat his breakfast. “I want to show you something when you’re finished.”

Jensen just nods and takes a sip of his coffee. The hot liquid burns in his throat and reminds him that he’s still very much alive and hot liquids burn. He eats his eggs slowly, because he really can’t bring up the energy to be excited about whatever Jeff has planned. 

As soon as Jensen picks the last piece of scrambled egg from his plate, Jeff pulls it away. He’s practically bouncing with energy and Jensen wants to know what all this is about. 

“Come,” Jeff says, excitedly and motions for Jensen to follow him to the couch. 

There’s a square box standing on the floor in front of the couch and Jensen frowns when Jeff hands it to him. 

“Open it.”

“Jeff…”

Jeff rolls his eyes at Jensen. “Just open it, Jensen.”

Jensen sighs and rips open the brown box. His breath gets stuck in his throat when he sees what’s in it. He carefully plucks the smaller box out of the larger one and carefully turns it around in his hands. 

“Jeff…” he breathes and shakes his head. “This is…”

“It’s yours.” Jensen looks up and Jeff grins sheepishly. “I know you feel like you’ve lost everything, but there’re still some things, Jensen.”

“It’s too much,” Jensen says, looking at the box in his hands. “This is a Canon Eos 1D Mark III, Jeff.” Jensen shakes his head disbelievingly. 

Jeff nods seriously. “Yeah I know. The guy in the shop said it’s one of the best out there.”

“It is.”

Jensen can’t wrap his head around this. Jeff bought this for him. Why?

“I thought you might want to start taking some pictures and make new memories,” Jeff adds softly. “I know it’s hard, but a little distraction might help.”

Without replying, Jensen opens the box and takes the camera out of its wrapping. It lies perfectly in his hands and Jensen closes his eyes, remembering taking pictures. Now he’ll do it for the first time and he’s scared shitless that he’ll be no good, that all of his talent came because he dreamt it. Slowly and with shaking fingers, he adds the battery and then he turns it on. The display lights up and he sees his feet through it. Lifting it slowly at Jeff, he presses the release and waits for the picture to appear on the display. 

Jeff looks a little surprised in the picture; his hair’s ruffled, but there’s a fond look on his face and Jensen smiles and shows it to him. 

“What do you think?”

“I look horrible,” Jeff grunts and shakes his head. “Go and find some better objects to take photos of.” Jensen sucks his bottom lip between his teeth and he hears Jeff sigh. “Jensen,” walking over he squeezes Jensen’s shoulders, “this is your life now, but there are still some things that don’t need to change. Just go out there and do what you love. I’m sure your family and Logan would have wanted you to be happy.”

Nodding, Jensen fights against the tears building behind his eyes. “Yeah, probably.”

If Jensen’s parents and Logan were real, they surely would have wanted Jensen to be happy, but they aren’t. He looks down at the Canon in his hand. This is real, though. Maybe he can have something – just a little bit – from his dream life back. 

  


He wanders the streets and takes random pictures of things. For a reason he’s not sure of, he concentrates on taking pictures of people; the mother with her two boys playing Frisbee in the park, or a couple sharing an ice cream cone. He’s especially proud of the one he takes of a little girl laying flowers down at Arlington National Cemetery. 

“Wow, Jensen,” Jeff says one night when he looks at the pictures on the crappy PC he has at home. “These are amazing.”

Jensen blushes a little and shrugs. “I just took pictures of things I thought were worth it.”

“You should really get them developed and put together a portfolio of your things. I’m sure there are enough companies out there that’d like to hire someone this talented.”

Jensen shakes his head slowly. “I don’t think I’m ready for a new job.”

Jeff claps his shoulder. “That’s okay. But I really think you should get them developed. I wanna put them up.”

That’s why, a few days later, Jensen goes down to the photo shop three blocks from Jeff’s apartment to pick up his pictures. The guy behind the counter is about his age and grins at Jensen when he pushes the envelope with the pictures across the counter. 

Carefully Jensen opens it and takes a look at the developed pictures. They look good and a smile forms on his face. It feels good to have this back. 

“Hey, they’re pretty amazing,” the guy behind the counter says and Jensen looks up. 

“Thanks.”

“Ehm,” the guy chews on his bottom lip nervously and Jensen really hopes he won’t hit on Jensen, because he’s never been good at letting someone down gently. “This is probably pretty presumptuous of me, but my fiancée and I are getting married in two weeks and our photographer just called me this morning telling me that he has a family emergency and can’t come to the wedding. So, would you maybe be able to do it? I know this is really short notice and we can’t pay you much, but this would definitely save my ass when I get home and could tell Mandy that I’ve already found a new photographer.”

Jensen looks at the guy, stunned. “You don’t even know me.”

“No, but I know what your pictures look like and that they’re amazing.” The guy grins. “I’m Matt by the way.” He holds his hand out over the counter and Jensen shakes it. 

“Jensen.”

“Nice to meet you, Jensen. Y’know, I’d take the pics myself, but Mandy said that this is our wedding day and I’m not allowed to do that.”

Jensen chuckles. “I have to agree with your fiancée.”

Matt laughs and Jensen doesn’t know why, but he already likes the guy. “How about we meet at the diner down the road and discuss things further during dinner tonight?”

“Yeah, okay,” he agrees and is totally surprised by his own answer. 

“Yes!” Matt exclaims. “Thanks so much, man. You’re saving my life here.”

  


Jensen meets Mandy and Matt that night for dinner, after telling Jeff the news.

“That’s awesome, Jensen. I’m sure they’ll be completely stunned once they see your wedding pictures of them.”

Jensen’s not so sure and honestly, he’s a little nervous, when he enters the diner and sees Matt waving at him from the back booth. 

“Hey,” he greets walking over to them and is completely taken by surprise, when the girl, he guesses is Mandy, throws herself at him and wraps him up in a tight hug. 

“Thank you so much. Really, you just saved the day.”

Jensen chuckles a little uncomfortably. “Well, maybe you shouldn’t thank me so early.”

Mandy shakes her head. “No, Matt says you’ve got real talent. So, I trust my fiancé’s judgment.”

Matt looks at him and grins. “I only told her how I see it.”

“Thank you. But I’d rather wait ‘til after the wedding for you to thank me, in case I totally mess up.”

Mandy pushes him into the booth across from her and Matt, shaking her head. “I don’t believe that.”

They talk business for awhile, while waiting for their steaks and burgers to come and then eat in silence. Jensen’s a little surprised by how good they get along, especially since he’s never talked to anyone else, other than Jeff and Kripke, in this life. But Matt and Mandy are really easy to talk to and Jensen enjoys his time with them. 

“So, Jensen?” Mandy starts after they’ve finished their dinner. “How about you tell us something about yourself? I mean, Matt and I’ve been talking the whole time about us, that’s pretty rude.”

Jensen tenses a little and shrugs. “I liked listening.”

Mandy grins. “Well, now it’s our time to listen. So tell me Jensen, will you be bringing someone to the wedding?”

Jensen thinks of Logan and his heart aches at the thought. Slowly he shakes his head. “No, I won’t.”

“But you’re really handsome, there has to be someone in your life,” Mandy says, grinning and looking at him excitedly. She doesn’t seem to notice the tension in his body. 

“Mandy, baby, just drop it,” Matt says and gives Jensen an apologetic smile. “It’s okay, if you don’t wanna talk about it, Jensen.”

The thing is Jensen doesn’t know if he wants to talk about it or not. When he opens his mouth to tell Matt thank you, he surprises himself by saying, “There was someone. His name was Logan. He’s… not here anymore.”

Mandy’s eyes grow wide and sadness fills her eyes. “I’m sorry, Jensen.” She grabs his hand and squeezes. “I didn’t want to pry.”

“No,” Jensen shakes his head. “It feels good to tell someone else about him, not just my friend Jeff. I mean, Jeff’s been great these last two months, but it’s nice to be able to tell someone else. I’ve just moved here and the only person I know is Jeff.”

Mandy smiles at him. “I’m a good listener.”

“She really is,” Matt says and gives him a small smile. “Hey, how about you’ll come out on Friday with us. We’re meeting a few friends, just a last hurrah before we get married. Bring Jeff, I’m sure it’ll be a great night.”

  


Jeff’s waiting for him when he gets home that night. 

“How was your night?”

Jensen smiles. “Good, really good. Matt and Mandy are very nice. Don’t get me wrong, but it was nice talking to someone other than you and the old woman at the grocery store for once.”

Jeff pouts for a second, but then grins. “That’s good.”

“We’re invited to a party on Friday. They wanna meet you.” Jensen lets out a deep breath. “I told them about Logan.”

Jeff raises his eyebrows. “What did you tell them?”

“Just that he was there and now he’s gone. I’m pretty sure they think he’s died.” Jensen closes his eyes and lays his head back. “It felt good telling them about him.”

“Jensen, nobody expects you to never talk about Logan or your family again.”

“Telling the whole truth will only cause pity and I don’t want that.” Jensen sighs. 

“Then don’t tell them everything, just let them believe what they want to believe,” Jeff says. “I just think that talking about Logan and your family will help you.”

Jensen shrugs. He’s not so sure it’ll help, because whenever he says Logan’s name the ache in his chest doubles.

  


On Friday they go to a club with Matt and Mandy to meet with their friends and Jensen’s glad to see that Jeff gets along great with both of them. The club is packed and they find Matt and Mandy’s friends in the VIP room, letting loose some balloons and confetti when they walk in. 

He and Jeff get introduced and it’s like they’ve been a part of the group forever. 

The night passes in a blur of dancing and doing shots and joking around and when Jensen falls asleep that night, it’s the first time he doesn’t need an hour to do so. It’s also the first night he sleeps through without waking up at least five times. 

The wedding a week later is a complete success and Jensen takes hundreds of pictures of the happy couple and their guests. Matt and Mandy go on their honeymoon that same night and Jensen has time to go through all the pictures and pick out the best ones until they get back. 

Amy, the petite blonde he spent a lot of time with during the party before the wedding and during the actual wedding, offers to help him.

“Wow, Jensen. Mandy will totally flip out when she sees these pics. They’re amazing,” she gushes, sitting next to him and staring at the PC screen. “I want you to take the pics at my wedding too.”

Jensen chuckles. “I’m glad you like them. They’re okay.”

She rolls her eyes at him. “Okay? They’re great. Can’t believe you call them okay.”

With Amy’s help he designs a wedding book for Matt and Mandy with the best pictures. Jensen gives it to them the night after they get back from Hawaii and Mandy tackles him to the floor. 

“This is awesome, Jen. So awesome. I just love it. Thank you so much!” 

Jensen laughs and lets her hug him tightly. “I’m glad you like it.”

Matt helps him off the floor a couple of minutes later. “Thanks, man. This is amazing. You really saved the day.”

Mandy grins and nudges her husband in the side. “Now, ask him.”

Jensen frowns and Matt actually looks a little shy. “Ask me what?”

“Well, we’re looking for someone new at the photo shop. Al promoted me to manager, because he wants to take a step back. So, I thought, you might be interested in taking over my current job for me. I know, this is not what you used to do, but…”

Jensen interrupts him, saying, “I think that’s a good idea. Gets me back on the horse.”

Mandy smiles at him softly. “I’m sure Logan would have wanted that.”

A lump forms in his throat and he nods. “Yeah, I think he would have.”

  


Jensen starts the job two weeks later. It’s not what he’s used to do, but he still finds enough time to get out there and take pictures for himself. Best thing, he gets a sales discount on all photo equipment. It’s the first time he spends money on things he wants, rather than on things he needs like clothes and groceries. It feels nice, like a new start. 

A lot of his free time is spent with Matt and Mandy, or Amy and her boyfriend Zach. He goes to the movies with Jeff and once a month they have dinner with their friends at one of their places. It’s like slowly Jensen’s building up a new life for himself and it feels good to have people to turn to and spend time and joke around with. 

Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months and all of a sudden Jensen finds himself at the New Year’s Eve party Matt and Mandy are holding at their house. He had convinced Jeff that he didn’t want to celebrate neither Thanksgiving nor Christmas, but he had fallen on deaf ears when he told Mandy that he just wanted to turn in early on New Year’s Eve. 

That’s why he’s now sitting on their couch, drinking a beer and waiting for the clock to announce midnight and the start of a new year. Jeff’s at the other end of the room, animatedly talking to Matt about something and Jensen feels completely out of place. He remembers last year’s New Year’s Eve and feels his heart ache. He’s gotten better at ignoring the hollow ache in his chest, but right now it’s threatening to swallow him. 

“Hey,” Mandy says, dropping into his lap and pressing a wet kiss to his temple. “You okay?”

Jensen takes a deep breath and shrugs. “Don’t know. Last year Logan and I spent New Year’s Eve on the couch, cuddled up with popcorn and old black and white movies. It feels like another lifetime ago.”

Mandy tips his head up with her fingers. “I’m sorry, Jen. I’m sorry you lost him. But I know there’s someone out there for you to make you happy again.”

Jensen huffs out a sad laugh. “Yeah, maybe.” 

He thinks about what Logan told him the last time Jensen remembers them being together. ‘We’re soul mates. We’ll find each other. Always.’

  


It’s May when Jeff puts the letter in front of Jensen’s face. He frowns. 

“What’s this?”

“This is the answer to an application I sent a couple of weeks ago,” Jeff explains, looking at Jensen with an unreadable look on his face.

“Okay? You didn’t tell me you were looking for a job.” 

Jeff hadn’t started working again after leaving the facility last year. Every time Jensen asked him about it he said that he enjoyed being able to do nothing for once. 

“I got an email two weeks ago,” Jeff says. “The woman writing the email told me that Kripke had recommended me and that she trusted Kripke’s judgment. The job is to care for her brother 24/7. I’d have to move in with them too.”

Jensen raises his eyebrows. “Oh, ehm, okay.”

Jeff sighs. “The job is in San Francisco, Jensen.”

Jensen’s eyes grow wide and he swallows hard. He’d never thought he’d have to say goodbye to Jeff one day. It feels like once again his family is being ripped away from him. 

“Jensen, look at me,” Jeff says softly. “You really think I’d leave you here alone? I’ve thought about it for a long time and if you don’t want to join me in San Francisco, I’m not going. The job sounds exactly like what I’d want to do, but not when it means that there’s a whole continent between us.”

“I guess we’re moving to California then,” Jensen says and grins. 


	4. Something Real 3/?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen has it all; a great job, a loving boyfriend, an amazing family. Then he wakes up to find out that it’s all been a dream.

  


“Only thing left in the truck is your photo equipment.”

Jensen looks up from where he’s rummaging around the cooler, grabbing two bottles of beer. Jeff puts the last box, labeled ‘Bedroom’, on the floor and leans against the apartment door, wiping away the sweat that’s covering his face. 

“Thanks. I’ll go and get that.”

Jeff nods, letting out a deep breath and making his way over to the new couch the movers brought over a few hours ago. Jensen grins. 

“You getting old?”

Jeff flips him the bird and closes his eyes. Jensen laughs and shakes his head and walks downstairs again. 

After they decided to move to San Francisco, Jensen had found a nice looking apartment online, close to the University of San Francisco campus, and had ordered everything he would need there. The shop had agreed to deliver everything needed once Jensen got to San Francisco, enabling Jensen and Jeff to make a cross-country road trip out of the move. They just packed everything personal into the bed of Jeff’s truck and left for California. It had taken them almost two weeks to get here. 

Jensen pulls his photo equipment out of the truck carefully and then takes a moment to just breathe. It’s different here than in Washington. He can’t put his finger on it, but it feels different. Maybe it’s because of the new start Jensen’s planning. 

Mandy and Matt had been sad when Jensen told them that he would move to San Francisco with Jeff, but after explaining to them that he needed a change of scenery they understood and promised to visit. 

“So you’re the new guy Misha talked about.”

Jensen spins around to see a young woman sitting on the steps to their building. She has long auburn hair and is smiling easily. Misha is the guy that rented out the apartment to Jensen and he slowly nods. 

“I’m Danneel. I live on the first floor, sharing with my BFF Sophia.”

A hand is offered to Jensen and he shakes it. “I’m Jensen. I live on the second floor, alone.”

Danneel grins. “Really? And here I thought the nice specimen of an older guy was your sugar daddy.” Jensen splutters a little and Danneel laughs. “Believe me, I’ve seen it all.”

He nods. “Good to know.”

“So, Jensen, what brings you to San Francisco? Work, girls or boys, something else?” She’s looking curiously at him, but her eyes are soft. 

“Change of scenery,” Jensen finds himself saying. “Needed to get away and Jeff found a job here. So…”

“Aha,” Danneel nods. “And where did you need to get away from?”

“Washington,” Jensen says slowly. 

“And Jeff? He’s your…?”

Jensen shakes his head. “Did someone pay you to interrogate me?”

Danneel chuckles. “No. I just like to know my neighbors. Like I said, I’ve seen it all and I don’t like surprises. The last guy who lived in the apartment was this midget that perved on Sophia and me.”

Jensen laughs a little. “Naw, you don’t have to worry about me perving on you guys. I’m gay. And Jeff’s my family. He’s like an older brother to me.”

Danneel looks at him for a long time before nodding and turning her head away. “It’s nice to have someone like that.”

“Yeah,” Jensen agrees and somehow he thinks they came to an unspoken agreement here. What about he’s not sure, but he likes the easiness he feels when talking to Danneel. 

“Well, Jensen,” Danneel says, rubbing her hands over her jean-clad thighs. “I think it’s safe to say you won’t kill Sophia and me in our sleep. So welcome.”

Jensen snorts. “Thank you. Really. That’s nice of you.”

Danneel laughs. “How about you and Jeff come by later and join us during our Big Bang Theory marathon?”

“The Big Bang Theory?” Jensen ask. “Really?”

Danneel winks at him. “You just gotta love some socially awkward geeks.”

Jensen chuckles. “Thank you for inviting me. But I guess I’ll pass. Maybe another time.” He looks over at Danneel and gives her an open smile. 

She grins back. “Sure. You know where I live.”

  


“Jensen!”

There’s instant knocking at his front door and Danneel’s screaming his name for the third time, when Jensen finally rolls out of bed. He’s been living here for three days now and somehow he already knows Danneel’s voice in and out. It could have something to do with the fact that she kinda made herself comfortable in Jensen’s life; inviting herself for coffee or just dragging Jensen downstairs to watch some shit on TV with her and Sophia. 

He pads to the apartment door and opens it to reveal an almost naked Danneel, only dressed in hot pants and a tank top. 

“Thank God. What took you so long?” When he doesn’t answer quickly enough, she continues, “Doesn’t matter. I really need to use your bathroom. Misha sent over the plumber to repair our sink in the kitchen and now our water is turned off and I really need to shower and get ready for work.” 

Jensen grunts, because he’s definitely not ready for so many words this early in the morning. Danneel rolls her eyes and pushes past him. 

“I’ll make it up to you with homemade muffins later.”

Jensen just nods and pads back into his bedroom, falling face first into his big bed. He doesn’t hear Danneel leave. 

Later that morning he finds a bag with blueberry muffins in front of his apartment door and a smile forms on his face. Yeah, it’s not so bad living in the same building as Danneel. 

  


“Chad, Chris, Steve, this is Jensen,” Danneel says, pushing Jensen into the booth across from them. “Jensen just moved here from Washington. He’s the one Misha gave the apartment to.”

The three guys give a little wave and Jensen smiles back slightly. “Nice to meet you.”

Danneel had called him this morning – after ten of course, because she knows that before then he’s not coherent – and told him that they would have lunch together at the little bistro across from the gallery she’s working at. 

Having lunch with their friends on Wednesdays is apparently a tradition Danneel and Sophia have – or so Sophia tells him, as soon as she drops into the booth next to Danneel, reaching across the table and snagging one of the fries off Chris’ plate. Jensen hides a grin, when Chris cusses and glares at Sophia. 

Danneel rolls her eyes and laughs. “You two should just fuck and get it over with.”

“Hey,” Chad exclaims. “His ass is mine.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Sophia says. “You know you’d give anything to have a threesome with me.”

“Can we change the subject please?” Steve asks, sounding pained. “It’s too early to talk about Chad and Chris having sex with anyone.”

“I agree,” Danneel says. “How about we talk about getting Jensen acquainted with the famous San Francisco night life, huh?”

Jensen groans. “Danneel…”

“Oh no,” she shakes her head. “You’re new, so we’re going to take you out.”

“Awesome!” Sophia squeals, taking a bite from the burger their waitress had just brought over. “Castro, here we come. We might even find you a boyfriend, Jen. Or at least someone to take home.” She winks at him and Jensen hides his face in his hands. 

He likes Danneel and Sophia, he really does. They might be a little overbearing at times, but they’re nice most of the time. It’s just that he hasn’t told them about Logan or his past life. Now, he really doesn’t want to explain to them why he’s not looking for a hook-up, let alone a boyfriend. 

“This is going to be so much fun,” Danneel grins, throwing an arm over Jensen’s shoulder and pressing a wet kiss to his temple. 

  


Jensen groans, when his bed dips. His head is fuzzy and it tastes like something’s died in his mouth. He opens his eyes carefully and sees Danneel grinning at him. Ever since the first incident when she pulled him out of bed way too early, she’s had a key to the apartment. 

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” she says. 

He groans again and turns away from her face. “Let me sleep.”

The plan of introducing Jensen to San Francisco’s nightlife had gone way too smoothly last night, with Jensen getting more and more drunk with every bar they went to. Now, he just wants to die. He might never drink again. Yeah, that sounds like a plan. 

“Here,” Danneel says. “I brought you a chocolate milkshake and a double cheeseburger. It’ll help with the hangover.”

Jensen turns back to her and reaches for the bag she’s holding. “Thanks,” he mumbles, opening the bag and smelling. 

His stomach actually grumbles and he feels better when he takes a bite from the greasy burger and a sip from the milkshake. 

Danneel grins. “You’re welcome. So, did you have fun last night?”

Jensen shrugs. “I don’t remember much, but I think I did.”

“Good.” She falls next to him on the bed and after a second she adds, “I’m really glad you moved here, Jen.”

Jensen looks down at her from where he’s leaning against the headboard. “Yeah, me too.”

  


Danneel and Sophia even take it upon themselves to re-design Jensen’s apartment. Apparently, Sophia had studied to become an interior designer and found Jensen’s apartment to be way too masculine to be nice. 

Therefore, both girls drag Jensen into the nearest hardware store to buy new paint – Jensen drew a line at pink and lavender – new matching curtains and some other decorating stuff Jensen would never have thought of buying. 

Now, after a weekend of re-modeling and re-decorating, his apartment is painted in beige, light blue and light green colors. His covers in the bedroom match the beige walls and the cushions in the living room fit perfectly with the egg-white couch and the light blue and green walls. There are pictures on the wall and flowers on the window sill. 

Danneel had even found some of the pictures Jensen had taken back in Washington and got them framed. They’re now decorating the walls in the hallway. 

Jensen leans back against the back of the couch and groans quietly when Sophia throws her legs into his lap. 

“I really like it,” she says, sounding very proud of herself. 

“Definitely more Jensen,” Danneel agrees. 

Jensen wonders how those colors and accessories are ‘more Jensen’, but he has to agree he really likes how his apartment looks now, like a home. 

  


“San Francisco suits you.”

Jensen stops cutting the cucumber for the salad they’re having for dinner and looks at Jeff; he’s smiling softly at Jensen. 

“Yeah. I like it here.”

He really does. San Francisco is great; relaxed and open, amazing for going out and taking pictures. Due to the wonderful weather these last few weeks, Jensen’s even got a light tan and since Danneel and her friends had adopted him into their group, Jensen’s laughed more than he can remember ever doing. 

“It’s nice to see you like this,” Jeff says and Jensen tenses. “Not that you weren’t okay in Washington, but it’s still different. You’re– happier I’d say.”

Jensen lets out a deep breath. “I guess I am.”

“Jen,” Jeff sighs. “That’s a good thing, y’know.”

Jensen nods. “Yeah.”

He resumes cutting the cucumber and then grabs the tomatoes, cutting them into quarters. Jeff seems to get that it’s all Jensen’ll say on the topic, because he stays silent for awhile and when he speaks again, it has nothing to do with Jensen’s past life. 

“Sam wants to meet you. Apparently all I’m talking about is you,” Jeff says and Jensen can hear the smile in his voice. 

“Really?” Jensen snorts. “And here I thought all you talked about these days was Sam.”

Sam is Jeff’s new boss and all Jeff talks about these days is how amazing she is and how well she handles her life and that of her brother Joshua. 

Jeff rolls his eyes goodheartedly. “Yeah, yeah. So, anyway. Sam’s invited us to dinner on Friday night.”

“Sure, I’d love to meet the new woman in your life.”

  


Jensen’s standing in front of the Victorian town house and waits for someone to open the mahogany front door. Sam seems to be loaded. Well, she must be if she can afford what she’s paying Jeff right now. 

The door opens and a woman in her mid-forties is standing there and is smiling at him. She’s dressed in jeans and a white blouse, her hair falling freely over her shoulders and Jensen instantly knows what Jeff sees in her. 

“You must be Jensen. I’m Sam.”

“It’s really nice to meet you. Jeff talks about you a lot.”

Sam laughs. “I could say the same about you. Now, come in and follow me into the salon.”

Jensen looks around while Sam leads the way, crossing a huge entry hall. Even though everything screams ‘Money’ at Jensen, it still feels like a home. 

“You have a nice house here.”

Sam looks over her shoulder and grins. “Yeah, it’s not so bad. I inherited the house when my grandparents passed away.”

They walk into a bright room and Jensen sees Jeff sitting next to man a couple years older than Jensen on the couch. While Jeff chats away, the young man is staring out into the small back yard. There’s no sign of him even hearing Jeff talk. 

“That’s Joshua. My brother, stepbrother to be correct, but to me he’s my brother,” Sam says and smiles. 

Jensen looks at him and he feels transported back to the day Jeff showed him videos of himself during the time at the facility. 

“What happened to him?”

A shadow falls across Sam’s face and Jensen wants to take the question back when she speaks, “He’s been like this for a long time. We don’t really know what happened. But he went missing for a couple of days when he was nine and when he came back he just wasn’t there anymore. His body was, but he wasn’t.”

“Oh.”

“He’s needed constant supervision ever since.” Sam smiles. “Jeff’s really good with him.”

Jensen nods and feels bad, because he can’t take his eyes of Joshua and Jeff. Is that how he and Jeff were; he, just staring into nothingness and Jeff chatting away about some random nonsense? It sends cold shivers down Jensen’s spine.

“So, Jensen.” Sam’s voice pulls him out of his head and he jerks his head away from Jeff and Joshua to face her. “I hear that you’re quite the photographer. I’d love to see some of your work.”

“I’m not that good,” Jensen says. “Jeff’s exaggerating once again.”

Sam looks at him with an unreadable look on her face and then says, “I don’t believe that. Come, I’ll introduce you to Joshua and then dinner’ll be ready. I hope you like roast beef.”

They eat their dinner with quiet conversations about photography and life in San Francisco. Sam’s quite the conversationalist and Jensen loves watching her and Jeff banter and throw each other soft looks. There’s definitely something going on that Jensen’s not a part of. He’s glad for Jeff, because he deserves to be happy and in love. 

“So…” Jensen says when Jeff accompanies him to the door later that night. “You and Sam, huh?”

Jeff smiles softly. “She’s a great woman.”

“Well, I’m glad. You deserve it.”

Jeff sighs. “Jensen…”

“Don’t. It’s fine. I’m fine,” he says and for the first time in over a year, he thinks he really means it. “I’ve got to go, because I’m sure Danni’ll crash my apartment as early as eight tomorrow morning.”

Jeff chuckles. “She loves to wake you up.”

“I’d be pissed, but her muffins and the coffee she brings are just too good.”

  


“Jen,” Danneel whines and Jensen pushes his shades down his nose to look at her. 

It’s a Sunday afternoon, the sun is burning from the cloudless sky and they decided to go to the beach. “They” means, Jensen, Danneel, Sophia, Steve, Chris and Chad. It’s the inner core of Danneel’s friends and Jensen got pulled into it from the moment he moved in above Danneel and Sophia.

“What?” he groans, he was just starting to drift into a light slumber. 

“I wanna turn over and someone needs to rub my back with sun lotion.”

“And that someone has to be me?”

Danneel grins at him and nods. “Yup.”

Jensen sighs and makes his way out from under the parasol to where Danneel is lying in the burning sun. He grabs the sun lotion and starts rubbing it into her back.

“You know, I’m sure there’s someone down there,” he points to the place where their friends are playing Frisbee, “who’d appreciate this more.”

Danneel laughs. “As if one of them would ever be allowed to touch this.” 

“Ew, Danni.”

“You’re such a delicate flower, Jen,” she says, grinning. “I thought Chad and Chris were starting to toughen you up.”

“I barely listen when they talk,” Jensen says and Danneel bursts out laughing. 

When she has calmed down enough for Jensen to resume putting sun lotion on her back, she says, “We’re having a party next weekend. You’re coming, right?”

“What are you having a party for this time? Chad and Chris’ most awesome farts?” Because Danneel and Sophia have a party every weekend for the stupidest of reasons. 

Danneel chuckles. “Nope, this time it’s a real party with a real reason. Sandy and Jared are coming back from their trip to Europe.”

Jensen remembers faintly that Sandy and Jared are also friends with Danneel and Sophia. “Okay, I guess that counts as a party reason.”

“Definitely.”

  


During the next week, Danneel and Sophia drag Jensen from one shop to another to get everything they need for a real party, involving party hats and streamers. Sometimes, Jensen wonders if Danneel and Sophia are secretly still five-year-olds. 

“Jared will love these,” Danneel exclaims, trying to put a party hat on Jensen’s head. 

“That’s great,” Jensen huffs. “Maybe you should try it on him then.”

Danneel rolls her eyes. “Spoilsport.”

They walk through the shops at Union Square until Danneel pushes the bags into Jensen’s hands and tells him and Sophia that she has to get to work at the gallery, because her boss is apparently a slave driver. Sophia is just between projects and has a little more free time on her hands, so she leads Jensen to this small coffee shop just a few blocks away from their apartment and they have the most delicious vanilla lattes and raspberry chocolate chip muffins Jensen ever tasted. 

“Jensen if you don’t stop making those noises, these people’ll think we’re doing something indecent beneath the table,” Sophia chuckles and Jensen looks up from his cup and licks his lips. 

“Sorry?” he asks sheepishly. “It’s just that good.”

Sophia laughs. “It’s okay. I think there could be worse things than to be gossiped about for doing indecent things with Jensen Ackles.”

  


“Jenny,” Chad yells, pulling Jensen down next to him on the couch. 

“Hey, homo,” Jensen greets. He learned quickly that nothing will ever make Chad stop calling him ‘Jenny’. 

“Aw, Jenny. You know you wanna try this ass,” Chad says, pushing up from the couch and holding his ass out to Jensen. 

“Damn, Chad. I might be gay, but I’m not desperate.”

“Says you,” Chris drawls. “When was the last time you got laid?”

Jensen considers saying ‘never’, but that would only cause a butt load of questions Jensen’s not ready to deal with. Therefore, he says nothing. 

“Dude, we’re guys, we got needs,” Chad exclaims. “You need to fuck once in a while, or you die of blue balls.”

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Just because you’re a nymphomaniac, doesn’t mean I am too.”

“I like my Chad just the way he is,” Chris says, waggling his eyebrows. 

Jensen shakes his head and suppresses a groan when Chris pushes his tongue into Chad’s mouth and they give him a show. He still wonders how these two found each other; Chad’s more of the surfer boy type and Chris is a total cowboy. But they fit together seamlessly. 

“Hmm,” Sophia says and drops down on the couch next to Jensen, never taking her eyes of Chris and Chad kissing. “I always thought two guys kissing are pretty hot.”

Jensen can only agree. It is pretty hot, even though he’d rather Chris and Chad take it somewhere else, otherwise his treacherous cock might become a problem. Maybe Chris is right and he really needs to get laid. He just doesn’t want the first time in this life to be with some stranger he found in some club. 

There’s a knock on the door and Danneel gets up from where she’s sitting on the carpet to open the door. Taking a sip from his beer, Jensen turns to Steve to ask him about when his next gig is, when Danneel shouts, “Look what the cat dragged in!”

Jensen throws a look over his shoulder to wave at whoever just got here and his breath gets stuck in his throat. He loses hold of his beer bottle and it shatters on the floor. In the middle of the room there’s a guy with broad shoulders and floppy hair. He’s grinning and his dimples are showing. Jensen doesn’t need to see his eyes to know that they’re hazel-green. 

Logan. 

Logan is here. This is… this can’t be. Then he remembers Logan saying ‘We’re soul mates. We’ll find each other. Always.’

He scrambles off the couch and almost trips over the couch table in his rush to get to Logan. Then he’s there, wrapping his arms around the warm body of his fiancé and mumbling his name over and over. He only realizes that something’s not right, when there’s dead silence in the room and Logan pushes him back. 

“Dude, I think there’s a little misunderstanding here. I’m not Logan. I’m Jared.”

Jensen tumbles back; feeling like someone’s punched him in the gut. He sees Danneel looking at him with wide concerned eyes. 

“I… this… I gotta go.”

He does the only thing that makes sense in that moment. He flees. 


	5. Something Real 4/?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen has it all; a great job, a loving boyfriend, an amazing family. Then he wakes up to find out that it’s all been a dream.

  


Jeff’s having dinner with Sam and Joshua when his cell phone beeps. He shoots Sam an apologetic smile, because he knows what she thinks about cells at the dinner table, but normally his cell beeping can only mean one thing and that is, Jensen needs something. For twenty years Jeff’s been fixated on Jensen’s every need and he’s just not able to turn off the need to be there whenever Jensen calls. 

Sam rolls her eyes at him, but there’s a fond smile displayed on her face. It’s as if she knows what Jeff’s going through being separated from Jensen for the first time in his life – and maybe she does. 

“Excuse me for a sec,” he says, getting up from the table and walking out of the dining room. He pulls his cell out of his pocket and frowns when he sees Danneel’s name on the display. They had exchanged numbers on their second meeting, just in case. Looks like the case has just happened. “Danneel?”

“Jeff, you need to come here.” She sounds upset and anxious. “Jensen’s locked himself in his bedroom and won’t let me in. I’m scared he’ll do something stupid, Jeff. You should have seen him, he looked like his heart had shattered into a thousand pieces.”

Jeff frowns. Danneel’s not making any sense to him. “Calm down, okay? Take a few deep breaths and then tell me what happened from the beginning.”

He actually hears Danneel taking a few calming breaths. “So, we’re having this ‘Welcome back’ party for Jared and Sandy and Jensen’s in a really good mood; joking with Chad, Chris and Sophia. Everything’s normal. But then Jared comes in, announcing he’s back and Jensen lights up like a Christmas tree. He actually looks like the sun’s just risen and throws himself at Jared, mumbling something about someone called Logan and when Jared’s finally able to push him away a little and tell him that he’s Jared and not Logan, Jensen - I don’t even know, but he looked like his heart was ripped out of his chest and he left.” She stops and Jeff is about to say something when she asks, “Jeff, who’s Logan?”

She sounds like her heart is actually breaking for Jensen, and Jeff is right there with her. “I’ll be there in a few minutes, Danneel. It’ll be okay.”

Honestly, he isn’t sure if he believes what he tells Danneel. Jensen had been doing better and was moving on and if he’s met someone he now thinks is Logan, Jeff’s not sure what he’ll do. 

He walks back into the dining room. “I have to go over to Jensen. He needs me.”

Sam looks at him long and intently, before she nods. “Yeah sure. Is he okay?”

“Don’t know right now. That’s why I have to go over there.” Jeff sighs. “I know I haven’t told you much about Jensen, because it’s not my tale to tell. But the boy’s been through so much this last year and a half. I thought he was doing better.”

Sam gets up from where she’s been sitting at the table and walks towards Jeff, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Then go and take care of him. Joshua and I will be okay.”

Jeff smiles softly. “I’ll be back in time for you to go to work tomorrow.”

“That’s okay,” Sam says, shaking her head. “You take care of Jensen and let me worry about work, okay?”

“Thanks, Sam.” He kisses her forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Josh.” The young man doesn’t react, but Jeff knows he heard him. 

He makes it to Jensen’s apartment building in record time and hears Danneel calling Jensen’s name and for him to open the damn door the moment he pushes open the front door. He takes two stairs at a time and finds Jensen’s apartment door left ajar and Danneel is sitting in front of the bedroom door. Her forehead is wrinkled in a frown and she’s talking to the door. 

“Jensen, just open the door and tell me what’s wrong. You freaked everyone out. Please Jen, just open the door.”

“Danneel.”

She looks up when Jeff addresses her and lets out a relieved breath. “Thank god. He won’t let me in.”

Jeff nods. “Jensen?” He knocks on the bedroom door. “Jensen? It’s me, Jeff. C’mon open the door.” He waits for Jensen to unlock the door or to at least answer, but nothing happens. 

There’s just silence. 

“Jensen?” Danneel calls his name once again. “Jen? Will you just talk to us, please?” 

There’s a sound and then a click telling Jeff that the door is unlocked again. Danneel pushes it open and Jeff sees Jensen lying on the bed fully clothed. He lets out a deep breath. Jensen’s curled into small ball and Jeff can see his shoulders shaking from where he’s standing. Danneel kneels next to the bed and runs her fingers gently through his hair. Jensen pulls away from her, though. 

“Go away, Danni,” he mumbles.

“Not before you tell me what’s wrong. Who’s Logan, Jen?”

Jeff can actually see Jensen tensing and then he hears a sob escape Jensen’s mouth. “Jen,” he breathes and makes his way to the bed.

Jensen opens his eyes and they’re red-rimmed, swollen and wet. “He looked like him, Jeff. He just stood there and looked like him. It’s like he’s back, but he’s not. It’s not him. I miss him, Jeff. So much.”

“I’m sorry, Jen.” It’s pathetic and meaningless, but it’s the only thing Jeff can think of saying. “I’m so sorry.”

“Make it stop, Jeff. Just make it stop.” Jensen’s voice is shaking and raw, cutting right through Jeff’s heart, leaving him open and bleeding for Jensen. 

“It’ll be okay, Jen. I promise.” 

He pulls Jensen into his arms and holds him while he cries. Danneel watches them for a short while, before climbing into bed with them and running gentle fingers through Jensen’s hair to soothe him. This time Jensen lets her. 

It takes a while before Jensen’s sobs fade to soft snores and Jeff moves Jensen’s head from his thigh back to the pillow. He motions for Danneel to follow him out of the room and she follows, though reluctantly. 

“What’s going on here, Jeff?” she asks quietly. “Who’s Logan?”

He sighs, pulling the bedroom door closed. “Logan was Jensen’s fiancé. They were together for three years, before Jensen lost him last year.” It’s the closest thing to the truth he can tell her without talking to Jensen first. 

“With losing you mean they broke up, right?” Jeff looks at Danneel without saying anything, hoping that she’ll draw her own conclusions – and she does. “Oh my god. He died? Jensen never– he doesn’t talk about it.”

“He’s gone through a really hard time during these last eighteen months. I think he stopped talking about Logan when we moved here; telling himself that this was a new start, and now your friend, who looks like Logan, threw him a loop.”

“I can’t believe that Jared looks like Jensen’s dead fiancé. That must have been such a shock.” Danneel shakes her head. “God, this sucks. I don’t… what’re we gonna do now?”

“Only thing we can do is be here for him,” Jeff says sadly. “I honestly thought he was doing better; was moving on.”

Danneel nods. “I think he was.”

There’s a knock on the door and Jeff frowns, going to open it. On the other side, he finds a tall man in his early twenties, with floppy brown hair and a concerned look on his face. 

“Hi,” the guy says, looking past Jeff in search of something. “Uhm…”

“Jared?” Danneel asks, stepping up next to Jeff. 

“I just… I wanted to know how he’s doing? I have the feeling that I’ve done something to cause this and I’m not sure what.” 

Jared looks pretty upset and Jeff feels a little bad for him, because he actually didn’t do anything wrong. 

“He’ll be okay,” Jeff says. “He’s going through a pretty tough time right now and you look a lot like someone he lost.”

“Oh,” Jared says. “I didn’t -,”

Jeff shakes his head. “Don’t feel bad. Just give Jensen a little time and he’ll come around.”

Jared looks at Jeff for a long time and then nods. “Yeah, I guess I’ll just go now.” He looks at Danneel. “We’ll talk later.”

Danneel gives him a small smile and nods. “Yeah, sure. See you, Jay.”

Then Jared’s gone and Jeff closes the door. “Poor guy. He looks like he feels pretty bad about what happened, even though it’s not his fault.”

Danneel sighs. “Jared has this syndrome of needing everyone around him to be happy and content. So Jensen’s reaction probably got to him and made him feel bad.”

“I’m sure with a little time Jensen will come around. He’ll realize that Jared’s not Logan,” Jeff says and he sounds more convinced than he actually feels. 

“I really hope so.” Danneel says, looking back towards the closed bedroom door and Jeff nods slowly. 

  


Jared feels bad. There’s this inner turmoil going inside of him – one part of him saying that he’s not at fault for hurting this Jensen guy and the other part saying that there’s a person hurting because he looks like someone that said person lost. 

“Honey? You know you’re not to blame for this, right?”

He looks at Sandy and nods slowly. “Yeah sure.”

“Jared,” she sighs. “I know you have this need for everyone to feel happy around you and for everyone to like you, but this isn’t your fault. Obviously Jensen has some issues he needs to work through.”

“He lost someone, San. Of course he’ll have issues.”

Sandy smiles fondly at him and Jared rolls his eyes. “I love you for your big heart, y’know? But sometimes there’re things out of our control.”

Jared drops down on their couch, turning on the TV and zapping aimlessly through the programs. He hates not being in control. He hates that he can’t fix this with a joke. The way Jensen looked at him when he told him that his name’s Jared and not Logan, cut right into his heart. It was as if Jared had just ripped the guy’s heart out and stomped on it. 

“Jay,” Sandy breathes, sitting down on his lap, her legs straddling his hips. “Don’t think about it any longer. There was nothing you could have done.”

Jared looks into her brown eyes and nods. “Yeah, I know. It’s just - I feel bad about it. He’s hurting because I happen to look like someone he lost.”

“And that’s something Jensen has to work through himself.”

“I wish I could do something to make him feel better.”

He doesn’t even know the guy, but he’s never been good dealing with people that are feeling bad; he always tries to make them feel better. That’s just who he is. 

“I know, baby.” 

She leans down, kissing him softly, licking across his lips and he opens up easily, letting her take the lead. It’s when she starts fumbling with his belt that he wraps his hands around her wrists and pulls her hands away. 

“I’m sorry, but I’m not in the mood.”

Sandy lets out a deep breath and climbs off his lap. “It’s okay. We have the whole of Sunday to re-christen our apartment.” She winks at him and he can’t help but smile at her. “I’m going to bed now. Don’t stay up too long.”

He smiles. “Promise.”

They kiss good night and Jared watches her sway her hips when she makes her way into the bedroom. It’s her way to tease him and he smiles softly. They’ve been together for three years now, living together for one-and-a-half. They met while waiting for the bus and a rain shower forced them to seek shelter beneath a nearby canopy. They had clicked instantly, deciding to go for coffee the same afternoon and ending up talking until late that night. 

Jared had known early on that he was attracted to both boys and girls, and he had just ended the one year relationship with his first boyfriend when he met Sandy. Jonah had been a first class asshole, but Jared only saw the good in people and Chad had told him to dump Jonah more than once, because he was fucking the whole college basketball team next to Jared. It had taken Jared catching Jonah and another guy in bed together, for Jared to finally break it off. 

It wasn’t that Jonah was his true love or anything, but it still stung to be the one cheated on. So, at first Jared had tried to stay friends with Sandy, but somehow she hadn’t taken ‘no’ for an answer, and Jared had fallen for her sweet nature hook, line and sinker. She’d shown him that it was okay to love again and he loves her for that.

Now, they’ve been together for three years and everyone’s asking Jared when he’s going to make it official. He’s sure his mom, their friends and maybe even Sandy herself had expected it to happen during their trip to Europe. Thing is, Jared’s only twenty-two and he’ll be starting vet school in a couple of weeks. There’ll be plenty of time to get married and have a family after that in his opinion. Why rush it? 

Sandy’s never said anything, but Jared knows she wants to get married and have a family. Jared just isn’t ready to take the last step and sometimes he asks himself what a boyfriend that makes him. It’s just that something inside him is telling him to wait, that right now is not the right time. 

He sighs, zapping once more through all the programs without anything catching his attention. When did his life get so complicated?

  


Jensen wakes, with a headache making itself known by knocking insistently against the inside of his skull. His eyes feel sore and swollen and he groans, rolling on his back. Slowly everything comes back to him. Sitting on Danneel’s couch and joking with Chad, Chris and Sophia and then seeing him. 

His heart aches and he takes a deep breath, hoping the cold steel band tightened around it will give a little. It doesn’t. 

Jensen honestly had thought he was doing better. He was moving on. Of course he thought about Logan every day, he missed him. But he had felt better. Right now, he feels like someone ripped his heart out and did the Riverdance on it. 

Rolling out of bed, he pads into the living room. Danneel is standing in his open kitchen, whipping something in a bowl. She looks up when she hears him. 

“Hey,” she smiles softly. “How’re you feeling?” Jensen shrugs and Danneel nods. “It’ll be okay, Jen.” Jensen sighs, curling his fingers around the mug filled with hot black coffee Danneel puts in front of him. “Jeff told me about Logan.”

Jensen’s head shoots up. “What?”

“Well, he told me that you were engaged and that you lost him. I’m really sorry, Jen.” She wraps her arms around him from behind. “I’ll be here whenever you need to talk.”

There’s a lump forming in his throat and he squeezes Danneel’s arm awkwardly. “I’ll be okay.”

“Of course you will,” Danneel grins. “We’ll make sure of it. So what do you wanna do today? Sophia asked if we wanted to join her at the beach.”

Jensen sighs. “Danni – Thank you, really. But I’m not really up for company right now.”

Her grin falters a little, but instead of leaving she says, “Well, I’ll be real quiet then. And you know you love my pancakes.”

He can tell she really doesn’t want to leave him alone and he can’t bring himself to kick her out, so he just lets her make him pancakes. Later Danneel’s watching TV, while Jensen works on some of the pictures he took recently and he has to admit that it’s nice and relaxing to hear her bitching at the characters of her favorite show for being so stupid and just get it over with and fuck. 

  


Over the next two or three weeks, Jensen’s able to somehow avoid everyone but Danneel and Jeff. Those two are just too persistent and don’t leave Jensen time to dwell on the hole in his heart. They drag him out whenever they can and soon Jensen has the feeling that he’s done everything there is to do in San Francisco. He’s grateful to his friends for keeping him from drowning in his heartbreak, though. 

He realizes that he won’t be able to hide forever, when Danneel says, “Sophia misses you. She asked if you’d join us this weekend. We’re going to the movies. The new Paul Walker movie.” She wriggles her eyebrows. “So there’ll be eye candy.”

Jensen gives her a short smile. “You go, Danni. You don’t have to keep me company 24/7.”

“Didn’t you hear that I said Sophia misses you? She wants you to go too.”

“Danni-,”

“Jensen, you can’t hide behind Jeff and me forever. Your other friends miss you too. Even Chad and Chris ask about you.”

Jensen sighs. “I’m not in the mood, Danni.”

She looks at him for awhile, before crossing her arms over her chest. “I don’t like being lied to, Jensen. At least be man enough to admit that you’re not going because you’re afraid Jared’s going to be there.” She sighs. “You know, Jared’s feeling really bad about this.”

Jensen frowns. “Why? He doesn’t even know me.”

“No, he doesn’t. But he’s a guy who wants everyone being happy and it upsets him that you’re hurting because he looks a lot like Logan.”

“I’m sorry, Jared’s feeling bad. But I can’t sit next to him and act like nothing’s wrong. Logan ” his voice breaks a little at the name, “He was everything for me, Danni. Now he’s gone and he isn’t coming back. I’ll be okay, Danni. Promise. But don’t ask me to make nice with a guy that looks just like him. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

Danni nods slowly. “Okay. But promise me to not ignore your other friends anymore. They care for you too.”

Jensen smiles slightly. “Promise. I’ll go downstairs to Sophia in a sec and ask her to come out with me tomorrow.”

  


There’s a knock on the door and Jensen opens it, fully prepared to tell Danneel for the hundredth time that he’ll be okay alone in the apartment for the rest of the day. His jaw drops in shock when he sees Jared standing in the hallway, grinning sheepishly. 

“Hi.”

“Uhm, hey,” Jensen answers. 

“I’m Jared.” Jared holds out his hand and when Jensen makes no move to shake it, he lets it fall to his side, looking a little like someone just kicked his puppy. 

“I know,” Jensen says. 

“Listen, Jensen,” Jared starts. “I’m feeling really bad. Danneel told me that I look a lot like someone you knew and I’m sorry. But I can’t change the way I look.” Jensen wants to say something, but Jared stops him, “Please, just let me get this out. Danneel and Sophia glare at me all the time lately and Chad and Chris look at me like I destroyed their favorite dildo. I mean, they probably don’t mean to, but they care about you and they miss you. So, could you please just go to the movies with them tonight? I promise I won’t go. You can go and have a fun night out. I’ll just stay in.”

“They were your friends first,” is the only reply Jensen Jensen can think of. 

“But they’re your friends now, too,” Jared says. “Y’know, I’d love for us to be friends too. You seem like a great guy from what Danni and the others tell me. But I get that that’s too much to ask. So, will you just go out with them tonight? Please?”

Jensen is a little taken aback by the open words from Jared. He didn’t think that his friends – who he’s only known for two months – would miss him so much that Jared would feel inclined to share them with Jensen. 

Jared’s looking at him with puppy-dog-eyes and somehow they cut right through Jensen’s heart. He hates that Jared’s looking so upset because of Jensen. If Jared can be mature enough to offer to share their friends, maybe Jensen can be mature enough to spend time with all of them together. He knows that Danni will have his back and it’s not like he has to spend all night talking to Jared. Besides, maybe this is what he needs to finally move on. 

“I will, but only if you will come too.”

Jared frowns. “What?”

“Look Jared, I’m not gonna lie. It shocked me that you look just like Logan, but you’re not him and I need to get that into my head. But it won’t happen if I avoid you.”

“Okay,” Jared grins and he even has Logan’s dimples. 

Jensen swallows hard and forces a smile. “Okay. I’ll join you in a couple of minutes. I just need to get my shoes and wallet.”

Jared nods, still grinning broadly. “Great. I’ll tell the others.”

Jensen closes the door as soon as Jared takes off downstairs and leans against it, taking a few calming breaths. He just hopes this won’t come back to bite him in the ass. 


	6. Something Real 5/?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen has it all; a great job, a loving boyfriend, an amazing family. Then he wakes up to find out that it’s all been a dream.

  


Jared makes his way back downstairs not really knowing what just happened and why he’s feeling like a huge weight has been lifted off of his shoulders by Jensen agreeing to join them. 

He only went upstairs because he couldn’t stand the sad looks on Danneel and Sophia’s faces, and Chad and Chris’ bitching about things anymore. But now he kind of feels like he’s accomplished more than just getting Jensen to join them. 

It’s weird and a little unsettling that Jensen has this effect on him, even though he doesn’t even know the guy. 

Okay, so Jared’s always had the need for everybody to like him and he goes out of his way to get along with everybody, and yes, Jensen’s avoidance had kind of hurt him a little. But he gets it. He really does. If he looks like Jensen’s dead fiancé he can understand that Jensen doesn’t want to hang around with him, which still doesn’t explain why he’s bouncing on his feet because Jensen will join them now. 

He pushes open the door to Danneel and Sophia’s apartment. His friends are discussing things in hushed voices and for a second Jared feels left out because he doesn’t know what’s going on, but as soon as he steps into the room and his friends fall silent, he gets it. 

Sighing, he says, “You can stop talking behind my back, Jensen’s coming to join us in a sec.”

Danneel actually looks a little chastised and Sandy gets up and wraps her arms around his middle. “We were just discussing how to deal with this, honey.”

Before Jared can say anything to that, Danneel asks, “He’s coming? Really? Did you bribe him?”

There’s a small smile displayed on her face and Jared feels the tension fading. Smiling back at her, he says, “Naw, he said that it’s time he came out of hiding.” He drops a kiss to Sandy’s head. “I think it’d be good to cut down the PDA for tonight.”

Sandy frowns, but doesn’t have the time answer before the door to Danneel and Sophia’s apartment swings open. Jensen’s changed into jeans and a shirt and Jared’s breath is stuck in his throat. Yeah, he’d noticed that Jensen looks good even in sweatpants and a ragged t-shirt, but only now does Jared realize that Jensen’s gorgeous. The jeans are clinging to his hips perfectly and the shirt hugs his chest, doing nothing to hide the chiseled muscles beneath it. 

As soon as Jared realizes he’s staring, he drops his eyes and prays that nobody noticed. Hell, his gorgeous girlfriend is standing next to him. He shouldn’t find Jensen attractive. It’s been years since a guy has caught Jared’s attention the way Jensen does. 

“Hey,” Jensen says, his voice soft and warm. Jared looks up to see that he’s grinning at them sheepishly. “I guess I’m going to join you.”

“Ahh,” Danneel squeals, jumping off the couch and rushing to squish Jensen in a tight hug. “Awesome. We’re gonna have such a great time tonight.”

Jared feels a smile appear on his face, when Jensen kisses Danneel’s temple gently and says, “I’m sure we will.”

For a second his and Jensen’s eyes meet over Danneel’s shoulder and the intense look Jensen gives him sends a shiver down Jared’s spine. 

  


Jared hands the small black and white kitten back to the little girl who’s broadly grinning at him. The little girl and her mother had come to the animal clinic so the kitten could get vaccinated. The little girl had been really nervous about hurting her pet, so Jared had tried to reassure her that the kitten would be fine and that it wouldn’t hurt her at all, while Dr. Beaver had given the shot. 

Now, the little girl is wrapping the kitten up in her arms, grinning at Jared and says, “Thank you, Doctor.”

Jared chuckles. “I’m not a doctor yet, but I’m learning to be one one day.”

The mother smiles and nods in his direction, pushing her little girl and the kitten out of the examination room. 

“Sometimes I think you should have gone into pediatrics, Jared,” Dr. Beaver says and claps his shoulder. 

Jared smiles. “Thanks, but I think I’ll stay put.”

He’s been volunteering at the clinic for three years now and it’s one of the best things in his life. He knew early on that that he wanted to be a vet. Animals had always held a special place in his heart. It started with the golden retriever they had when Jared was still a kid. Sally had a tumor and their local vet had told them that they would attempt surgery, but couldn’t promise that they could save her. They did, though and the day Sally came home, Jared decided that this was what he wanted to do with his life. 

For awhile he had tried to talk Sandy into getting a dog, but she’d always been against it, saying they didn’t have enough time to take care of it. Maybe she was right, with Jared either at school or at the clinic and Sandy busy with her dance classes. He still missed it though, having a dog around. 

“Why don’t you go and have lunch, Jared?” Dr. Beaver asks. “Kylie and her little kitten were the last appointment for this morning.”

Jared grins. “Great. I’ll see you in an hour.”

He makes his way down to the water. There’s this little diner where he loves to eat and watch the tourists do their thing. Rounding the corner, he stops dead in his tracks. Jensen’s sitting at one of the outside tables, staring out at the water. 

They haven’t seen each other since their movie night with friends, which went fine in Jared’s opinion. Jensen had kept his distance and they hadn’t really talked much, but the other man didn’t seem to feel uncomfortable that Jared was there too. 

Slowly, he makes his way over to the diner, realizing that all the other tables are occupied. He’s still contemplating if he should ask Jensen if he could join him, when Jensen looks up and notices him. Tentatively Jensen raises his hand and waves at him and Jared blows all caution to the wind and makes his way over. 

“Hey Jensen.”

“Jared, hey,” Jensen says, looking up at him and shielding his eyes from the sun with his hand. 

There’s an awkward pause, before Jared rushes to say, “Mind if I join you? I’m on my lunch break and this is kinda my favorite diner and I was really looking forward to their pastrami sandwich. But all the other table are taken and I don’t feel like sitting inside. But I understand if you don’t want me to. I mean I don’t-” The fond smile on Jensen’s face makes him stop. “What?”

Jensen shakes his head. “Nothing. It’s just- you always talk this much?”

Jared feels his cheeks heat up and shrugs. “Only when I’m nervous.”

“And I’m making you nervous?” Jensen asks and Jared’s not sure if he’s being teased or not.

“Well, more the thought of Danneel and Sophia kicking my ass if I mess this up.”

Jensen chuckles and the soft, warm sound leaves Jared wanting more. “Yeah, they’re pretty scary.” He points at the chair across from him. “You wanna sit down, then?”

Jared nods and sits down slowly, realizing that the folder that’s lying in front of Jensen is full of photos, “So you’re a photographer, right? Danneel said something like that.”.

“I don’t know if I’d say I’m a photographer, but I definitely like to take pictures,” Jensen says. 

“Yeah, what do you like about it?” Jared asks curiously. 

While he waits for Jensen to answer, he orders a pastrami sandwich, fries and a soda, never really taking his eyes off Jensen. The other man seems to think about Jared’s question for awhile and only answers when the waiter is long gone again. 

“Well, I like to capture emotions and moments in time. If you take a picture and look back at it years later, you can still remember what you were feeling when you took the photo. It’s kinda like giving memories a visual.”

Jared’s touched by the passion he hears in Jensen’s words and the excitement he sees in his eyes. “You really love it, don’t you?”

A faint blush makes its way to Jensen’s cheeks, but he nods. “Yeah, I really do.”

“Can I see?” Jared asks, pointing at the open folder in front of Jensen. 

For a second, Jared thinks Jensen’s going to say ‘no’, but then Jensen nods and pushes the folder over to him. It’s full of all different kinds of pictures, there’s no theme, at least not that Jared can tell. It contains pictures of people and buildings and landscapes, but they all touch something deep inside Jared and no matter how beautiful they are; they all seem sad to Jared. 

He looks up at Jensen, feeling choked up a little. Jensen’s watching him with a curious look on his face and Jared grits out, “They’re amazing. How are you not working as a photographer?”

A shadow falls over Jensen’s face and he looks away from Jared. “Sometimes things don’t work out the way we want them to.” Is all he says and Jared can see the sadness in his eyes when he says it. 

It breaks Jared’s heart a little and he says, “Well, you’re still young, so there’s still time.” 

Jensen looks at him and Jared gives him a small smile. His heart jumps a little in his chest when Jensen smiles back. 

“Yeah, maybe you’re right. Danneel’s been trying to get me to go by the gallery and talk to her boss. Apparently every second month they showcase art made by unknown or young artists.”

“So, why don’t you?”

Jensen shrugs. “Don’t know. Maybe I feel it’s too personal.”

Jared looks at Jensen intently and then nods slowly. “Yeah, I get that. I mean it would mean putting your emotions out there. But there’s so much more to do. You ever thought about photo journalism? I’m sure every newspaper and magazine would sell their souls for someone like you.”

Jensen chuckles, but it’s not humorous. “Yeah maybe.” He looks at his watch and Jared knows their time is over. “It’s getting late. I have to get going.”

Jared nods. “Yeah, sure. I’ll see you around, Jensen.”

Jensen puts money on the table and then Jared’s left to watch Jensen walk away. He feels a little like he should hold Jensen back; tell him that he can do whatever he wants to, be whatever he wants to be. It leaves Jared feeling unsettled and uncomfortable. They’ve just had a real conversation for the first time; Jensen shouldn’t be getting under his skin like this. 

  


Jensen slams his apartment door and it shakes on its hinges. He’s pissed, beyond pissed. Jared’s right, he should be able to do what he loves. He wants to be a photographer, but he’s been cheated out of it. Kripke cheated him out of it. 

He had it all, had everything he ever wanted. And now? He has nothing, nothing but a camera and friends that know nothing about him. Of course he knows it’s his own fault, because he didn’t tell them anything, but them knowing wouldn’t change anything. He’d still have nothing. 

Throwing the folder with the photos onto the coffee table, he walks into the kitchen. Not exactly knowing what he’s looking for, he jerks open every single door, tearing the contents out of the cupboards. Porcelain and glass fall to the floor, shattering and all Jensen can see is his own life in the heap of broken pieces. 

Someone’s screaming and for a long time Jensen doesn’t realize that he’s the one who’s making the heart shattering sounds. Finally, when the cupboards are empty and their contents are lying broken on the floor, he sinks to his knees. 

For over a year, he’s been trying to keep up this façade of a life. For over a year, he’s been trying to tell himself that he’s alright. But he’s not and it took meeting Jared to show him that. 

Jared, who’s nothing like Logan. They might look alike, but where Logan was calm and reserved, Jared’s open and relaxed. The way he laughed on Saturday and touched everyone as if it’s normal to be in everyone’s space – it was nothing like Logan. Yet Jensen felt himself drawn to Jared, Saturday and today at the diner. He could have listened to Jared forever. 

“Jensen?” 

He turns when he hears Danneel’s tentative voice and sees her standing in the doorway. She’s looking at him with huge concerned eyes and he wants to tell her that everything’s okay, but the only sound that comes out is a sob. 

“What happened, Jen? I heard glass breaking.”

“Everything is gone,” Jensen says, his voice rough and tear stricken. “There’s nothing left. Logan, my parents, my job, my life, everything’s gone.”

He can see the confusion on Danneel’s face, when she sinks to her knees next to him. “What are you talking about, Jen? You’re life’s right here.”

“I had all this!” he yells, wiping his hand through the heap of broken glass and porcelain, throwing it around. “I had it all and now it’s gone!”

“Jensen, stop!” Danneel says forcefully and grabs his wrists. He looks down to see that his palms are cut open. It doesn’t hurt, though it probably should. “Stop, Jen. You’re hurting yourself.”

He shakes his head. “Doesn’t hurt.”

“I don’t know what’s going on, Jen. I’m calling Jeff.”

Danneel’s voice is very far away and his vision blurs. He feels tired and drained. Just wanting to sleep, he welcomes the darkness when it surrounds him. 

  


His head feels like it’s full of cotton candy and opening his eyes is a task he’s not sure he can handle. Soft voices are penetrating his mind and after a while he’s able to make out that it’s Jeff and Danneel talking. 

“He just flipped out, Jeff. I don’t know why or what might have caused it, but it scared the hell outta me.”

Jeff sighs. “There’s a lot you don’t know about Jensen’s past, Danneel. But I have the feeling this freak out was a long time coming.”

“What are we gonna do, Jeff?”

“We’ll be there when he wakes up and take care of him.”

There’s a long pause and then Danneel says, “Maybe we should get him professional help. Someone he’ll be able to talk to and who’ll be able to help him with his grief.”

Jensen doesn’t want this. No shrink in the world will be able to help him; they’d probably declare him insane when he tells them what happened to him. 

“No,” he croaks out. “No shrink.”

He feels the bed dip and when finally pries his eyes open he sees Jeff and Danneel looking at him with equally concerned faces. 

“Jen-,” Danneel starts, but Jensen shakes his head. 

“No.” He pushes up onto his elbows. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not, Jen,” Danneel says forcefully and he can see that Jeff wants to agree with her. 

“Okay, fine. I know I’m not fine,” he says and swings his legs off the bed. He feels a little dizzy when he sits up, but ignores the flutter in his belly. “But I will be.”

“Jensen, we worry about you,” Jeff says. 

“There’s no need,” Jensen huffs out. 

“What happened, Jen?” Danneel asks. “Why did you freak out like this? You mumbled something about losing Logan and your family. But it didn’t make any sense to me.”

Jensen looks over at Jeff, who gives him a supportive smile and a shrug. “It’s nothing, Danni. I swear. I met Jared at a diner today and we had lunch together. He said something and it got me thinking.”

“I swear to god I’ll kick his ass if he couldn’t keep his mouth shut,” Danneel growls and Jensen shakes his head. 

“No, he didn’t say anything bad, just reminded me that I can still have what I want and I realized that I had all that for awhile and now it’s gone. Made me angry.”

Danneel frowns. “You’re not making any sense, Jen.” She looks at Jeff. “At least not to me.”

Jensen sighs. “I’m sorry. But Danni, there are things I’m not ready to talk about. Please understand that.”

For a long while Danneel just watches him. “I worry about you, Jen. I mean, next to Sophia you’re my best friend.” Jensen raises his eyebrows in surprise. “I know, it’s pretty scary,” she laughs and winks at him. “But I can accept that there are things that you don’t want to talk about. Just know that there are people who care about you and who want to help. Even if it’s just to listen to you talk nonsense.”

Danneel’s soft words make Jensen feel better and warmth spreads through his body. He pulls her into his arms and presses a kiss to her temple. 

“Thank you.” 

He looks up at Jeff, who’s standing next to them and mouths a ‘thank you’ at him as well. Jeff squeezes his shoulder gently and nods. 

  


Later, when Danneel has gone back downstairs to where Sophia is waiting to go grocery shopping, Jeff calls their favorite pizza place and while they wait, Jensen feels his friend’s eyes on him the whole time. 

“So, where’s Joshua?”

“Dropped him off at Sam’s work place,” Jeff says. 

Jensen nods. “Sorry. Sam must think I’m really pathetic, not being able to deal with anything alone.”

“Sam would never think that. She likes you and she understands that there are some things you’re dealing with.” Jeff sighs. “So, you wanna tell me what Jared said that freaked you out like this?”

Jensen shrugs. “He asked me about being a photographer and I got angry, because I was before – or not, depending on your point of view. But suddenly I felt cheated out of what I love doing. Had to let off some steam.”

“So you smashed all your dishes?”

“Jeff, I know you don’t get it. How could you? But I had a life once, a good one and now I’m barely making it through the day without losing it,” Jensen says, feeling exhausted. 

Jeff looks at him for a long time before nodding. “You’re right, I’ll never know what you’re going through. But you have a life, Jen. You have friends that care about you and love you. You have an amazing talent.”

“I’m tired, Jeff,” Jensen sighs. “I’m tired of doing it all over again, even though I already had all of that.”

“Jen-,” 

“No, Jeff. I tried. For over a year I tried. But I can’t, I can’t let go of my old life. I just can’t.”

“You gotta give it time, Jen,” Jeff says softly. 

“I gave it over a year. I can’t forget about how it felt when Logan was wrapped around me to go to sleep. I can’t forget how it felt when my mom took care of me when I was sick. I can’t forget how my sister flipped out because she was so happy when she got the acceptance letter to Juilliard. I just can’t.”

“You’re not supposed to, but you have to let them go a little to move on.”

“Don’t you get it, Jeff? I don’t want to move on. I want my life back.” His voice is soft and low, he’s just done with this façade and acting like everything is okay. “I just want my life back.”

  


It’s a few weeks later when he sees Jared again. 

Weeks Jensen spent holed up in his apartment, refusing to let anyone in or talk to anyone. He wallowed in his own misery; feeling bad for himself and daydreaming of being back in his old ‘dream’ life. It never really worked, leaving him more hollow and empty each day. 

The day he wakes up and decides to face the world again is nothing special. Just a normal weekday, when the sun is shining and Jensen realizes for the first time in a long time that he misses being outside. He showers, pulls on jeans and a t-shirt and takes a deep breath before stepping out on the walkway.

He walks the short distance to Golden Gate Park and when he sits down in the grass and lies back, a smile appears on his face. 

This feels good. 

He’s not fine, but for the first time in a long time he thinks he might be as good as. He doesn’t know what changed, but he’s sick and tired of feeling sorry for himself. 

His old life is gone and no matter how often he tries to get it back, it won’t happen. But Jeff and Danneel are right, there’s a life right here waiting for him and it might need work and there probably will be more freak outs, but it’s still a life. 

A shadow falls over him, and there’s a voice saying his name that he’d recognize out of a million voices. He opens his eyes and sees Jared standing over him. 

“Hey,” he says and Jared smiles shyly at him. 

“Hi. How are you doing? Danneel said that you were dealing with some pretty heavy stuff.”

Jensen sits up and motions for Jared to sit down next to him. “I’m dealing, and I’ve realized some things.”

“Yeah?” Jared asks and looks genuinely interested. 

“Yeah. My old life is gone, but there’s one waiting for me right here.”

Jared smiles a little at that. “We could have told you that before. All you had to do was ask,” he says teasingly and Jensen punches him in the shoulder. 

“Shut up,” he says without heat in his voice. “I think I needed to realize that on my own terms. It was a long time coming.”

“So, you’ll be okay?” 

Jensen looks at Jared and he actually looks like the answer is really important to him. He nods. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Good.” Jared grins. “Hey, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about. After our conversation at the diner, I talked to a friend of my brother’s. He’s head editor at a local lifestyle magazine and he’s looking for a new photographer. I thought this might be something you’d like. I mean, it’s nothing big or anything. Just shoots of local happenings, but it’d be a start, right? I know this is pretty presumptuous of me, but I might have mentioned your name and Mike – that’s the name of my brother’s friend – really wants to meet you. Just tell me if I crossed a line here. It’s just that you sounded like you really want to do something like that.”

Jared’s rambling and looks so nervous that Jensen has to smile and shakes his head fondly. “You’re rambling, Jay.” He stops for a sec when he realizes that he just used Jared’s nickname, but Jared only beams at him, so he continues, “It sounds like a great chance. I don’t even know what to say. I mean you don’t even really know me.”

Jared pulls out a business card and pushes it into Jensen’s hand. When their hands touch, it’s like time stands still. Their eyes lock; and for the first time since he woke up at the facility, Jensen feels like his life’s right again.

Shit.

Jared’s the first to look away. “Just say ‘thank you’, Jen. And call Mike.”

“Thank you,” Jensen says slowly. “I will.”

They sit in silence for a few minutes before Jared grabs his bag and stands up. “I have to get to class. I’ll see you soon, okay? I have to know how the call with Mike went.”

Jensen looks up. “Yeah sure. I’ll let you know. And I’m sure Danni and Sophia have a party planned soon.”

Jared grins. “The ‘Welcome back, Jensen’ party.”

Jensen groans and Jared chuckles. “They love you, Jen. I’ll see you later.”

Jensen waves and watches Jared jog down the pathway. He doesn’t know what it is about Jared – other than him looking like Logan – that pulls him towards the other man. But he’s not in the mood to analyze it right now. He only wants the ‘right’ feeling he has when he thinks of Jared to last. 


	7. Something Real 6/?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen has it all; a great job, a loving boyfriend, an amazing family. Then he wakes up to find out that it’s all been a dream.

  


There’s a knock on the door and Jensen gets up from his sofa, where he was just editing some pictures on his laptop. He frowns a little when he walks to open the door. Tonight was supposed to be just him and his pictures. Danneel, Sophia and Sandy have planned a girl’s night out and Chad, Chris and Steve have tickets for this concert of some alternative heavy metal band, whose name Jensen has already forgotten. 

So, it was just supposed to be Jensen and his laptop this Friday night. He could have joined Jeff, Sam and Joshua for dinner, but whenever he’s been over there lately he feels like he’s intruding on Jeff and Sam’s time together. 

That’s why he’s a little surprised to find Jared on the other side of the door, holding a huge pizza box and a six pack. He’s grinning at Jensen sheepishly. 

“So, I know we hadn’t planned anything, but it’s Friday night and the girls went out and Chad, Chris and Steve are going to this heavy metal concert and I had to do something or my books might have just eaten my brain and threw it up all over the floor again. Which is not a good sight - believe me, I know.” Jared lifts the pizza box a little and smiles shyly at Jensen. “So I have pepperoni sausage pizza and beer. What do you say?”

Jensen chuckles quietly. “Sounds good.”

Jared beams at him and Jensen steps aside to let him in. Their arms brush against each other and just like the other time when their hands touched, it leaves Jensen with a warm and happy feeling in his belly. It should probably freak him out, but Jensen’s so done with over-analyzing every little thing and he promised himself to take each thing as it comes.

“Hey, there’s a Star Wars marathon on TV. You wanna watch it?” Jared puts the six pack and the pizza on the coffee table before kicking off his shoes and dropping onto the couch.

Jensen nods, putting away his laptop and sitting down next to Jared, taking a beer and a slice of pizza from him. “Sure. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it.”

“Awesome.” Jared reaches for the remote and turns the TV on, flipping to the right channel. “Natalie Portman is so hot and I so wouldn’t turn down Hayden Christensen either.”

That completely takes Jensen by surprise and he chokes a little on his piece of pizza, coughing heavily. Jared slaps his back a few times until Jensen holds up his hand and takes a deep breath. 

“You okay?” Jared asks concerned and Jensen nods.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks. You just surprised me. I mean, Hayden Christensen?”

Jared frowns. “What? He’s hot.”

“Yeah,” Jensen agrees slowly. “I just didn’t know you’re bi. You are bi, right?”

“Yeah,” Jared says and laughs a little. “I’m bi.” A frown appears on his forehead. “That’s not a problem, right?”

“What? No, of course not. That would be a little hypocritical, don’t you think?” Jensen rushes to say. 

Jared shrugs. “It’s just… you looked a little shocked there.”

“It’s not a problem, Jay. Really. I just didn’t expect it. Seeing you with Sandy, I just never thought you might be bi, y’know.”

“I had a boyfriend before her. It didn’t end so well. He cheated on me with the whole basketball team. I met her shortly after I kicked his ass to the curb. We clicked instantly and that’s the end of the story.” Jared smiles slightly. “She’s amazing; funny, gorgeous, talented.”

Jensen laughs. “You don’t have to sell her to me. I’m happy if you’re happy.”

Something flashes in Jared’s eyes, but before Jensen’s able to ask, it’s gone again and Jared’s talking again, “Yeah, she makes me happy.”

“That’s good,” Jensen says, ignoring the pang in his heart. “Hey listen, I called Mike. I have a meeting with him on Monday.”

“Really?” Jared peeks up and grins. “You’ll blow his mind.”

“I hope so,” Jensen says. He’s really nervous about the meeting, because the only people that have seen his pictures before have been friends. Friends are great, but they aren’t always objective. 

“You want me to help you sort out the pics you wanna show Mike?” Jared asks all of a sudden and Jensen finds himself nodding, already reaching for his laptop. 

They spend the whole night sitting in front of Jensen’s laptop, looking through thousands of pictures he’s taken in the last year and a half. In the background Obi-Wan and Anakin are bickering like an old married couple and when Jensen takes a look at his watch the next time it tells him that it’s 2 in the morning and Jared’s barely conscious. 

Jensen gets out a blanket and tells Jared to just crash on the couch. He nods slightly and grabs the blanket from Jensen, wrapping it around him and falling asleep in seconds. 

For a moment Jensen just stands there, watching Jared sleep; he knows it’s creepy, but he can’t help himself. Jared’s so different from Logan and yet they’re both so similar. They’re both passionate in what they do, they have a huge heart, they’re loyal to their friends and they both touch something deep inside of Jensen that makes him happy and feel at home. 

He sighs and stops himself from reaching out and pushing a strand of Jared’s hair off his face. Jared has Sandy, and Jensen should just be happy that they’re friends. And he is, he really is. But at moments like this, it’s too easy to fantasize about what could be. 

  


Jared wakes to serious back pain. He groans and stretches a little. It’s only then that he realizes that he’s not in his own bed, but on someone’s couch. No wonder his back is completely tensed up. He looks around and grins. He remembers that he and Jensen sorted out pics for his meeting with Mike and he also remembers barely being able to keep his eyes open, but not wanting to go home. 

Sitting up he cracks his neck. He’ll need a warm bath tonight to loosen all those muscles again, but it’s okay. This way he gets to see Jensen first thing in the morning. 

And where the hell did that thought come from? 

He shrugs and scratches his belly absently, before making his way into the bathroom to freshen up. He gargles with Jensen’s mouthwash and uses some of his deodorant, hoping that Jensen will be okay with it. After getting himself up to a decent level of cleanliness, he walks into the kitchen, looking around for something he could scrounge up for breakfast. Jensen let him crash here, the least Jared can do is make some breakfast. 

While he’s whipping up some dough for his famous pancakes he remembers that Sandy doesn’t know where he is and he sends her a quick message. 

_‘Crashed at Jensen’s. Will be home around noon. <3’_

When he doesn’t get a reply back, he grins. The girls probably had a long night and Sandy’s still sleeping. 

The door to Jensen’s bedroom opens, as Jared’s putting the last pancake and the bacon on a plate. He grins. 

“Mornin’, Jen.”

Jensen grumbles something unintelligible and makes his way to the bathroom. A smile forms on Jared’s face and he chuckles lightly. Danneel said something about Jensen not being a morning person, but she didn’t mention that he’s so adorable. He puts a plate with pancakes and bacon along with a cup of coffee on the counter and waits for Jensen to emerge from the bathroom again. 

Five minutes later, Jensen shuffles through the living room towards the kitchen, his sleep pants hanging low on his hips, giving Jared a good look at his lower belly, because the t-shirt Jensen’s wearing rides up when he stretches his arms in the air. The skin is lightly tanned and there are hipbones that are begging to be licked. Jensen’s hair is sleep tousled and Jared itches to run his fingers through it. 

His dick twitches in his pants and he turns around quickly, taking a few deep breaths to bring himself under control again. 

What the hell? 

He’s happy with Sandy. He doesn’t need to look at other people, least of all Jensen, who’s still mourning the death of his fiancé. Closing his eyes, Jared counts to ten, before he turns around again and shoots Jensen a smile. 

He didn’t need to bother, because Jensen is completely entranced with his coffee mug, staring intently at the dark liquid that’s almost gone. The smile on Jared’s face broadens and he chuckles a little. 

“You want more coffee?”

Jensen looks up at that and grunts something Jared interprets as ‘Yes, please’. 

After his second cup of coffee Jensen is definitely more human again, he even talks. “Thanks, Jay.” He points at the pancakes, “These are really good.”

Jared grins. “Thanks. It’s an old family recipe. My mom used to make them on Sunday mornings and we kids were crazy about them. I’m the only male family member that knows the recipe, it’s so secret.” He winks at Jensen and the smile that is returned warms his heart. “According to my mom and grandma, I’m the only guy in my family without two left hands in the kitchen. So they gave it to me after I begged for years. Jeff, my brother, he’s completely lost in the kitchen. He burns water. And my dad, I don’t think he’s-,” he stops at the amused look Jensen’s giving him. “I’m rambling again, aren’t I?”

“I think it’s cute,” Jensen says, grinning. 

“I’m not cute,” Jared huffs and tries to act as if he’s annoyed. “I’m 6’5’’ of pure muscle.”

Jensen snorts. “Believe me, I’ve noticed. But you’re still cute.”

Jared blushes a little, when he hears Jensen acknowledging that he’s noticed Jared’s body. His phone beeps and he flips it open as a distraction. 

_‘Will you be home soon? I miss you. Kisses.’_

He stares at the message Sandy sent him and a wave of guilt washes over him when he thinks he’d rather talk to Jensen some more, instead of going home. Hell, Sandy’s his girlfriend and he loves her. 

“Sandy?” Jensen asks and pulls him out of his thoughts. 

Jared nods absently. “Yeah. I should really go. I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“Bullshit, Jay,” Jensen says, getting up to put his dirty dishes away. “You’re always welcome here and I really enjoyed last night. You’ve got a good eye.”

“Well, thanks, but I really need to take a shower.” He goes to put on his shoes before grabbing his wallet and keys. “You’ll call me on Monday, right? After your meeting with Mike.”

Jensen smiles. “Sure. Have a great weekend with your girl, Jay.”

Maybe Jared’s hallucinating, but Jensen sounds as if he’s a little disappointed that they won’t get to hang out a bit more. Or maybe that’s just Jared’s fucked up thinking. He sighs and pulls Jensen into a quick hug, before making his way to the door. 

“I’ll see you later, Jen.”

“Bye, Jay.”

The front door to Jensen’s apartment closes behind him and Jared lets out a deep breath. What the fuck is wrong with him? He should be happy that he’s going home to his girl, not sad that he’s leaving a guy behind that he’s only known for a couple of weeks. 

  


Sandy’s doing her yoga exercises in black hot pants and a tight white tank top, when he gets home. She looks absolutely gorgeous with her hair pulled back into a messy bun and a light sheen of sweat on her skin. 

Her butt is high in the air and she winks at him from where her head is hanging between her arms. Jared can’t help himself, so he fucks her right there on the yoga mat. So what if he sees Jensen’s green eyes looking at him when he comes? He doesn’t have to tell anyone.

Sandy is panting next to him and both their bodies are covered in sweat. She grins. “That was awesome.”

Jared presses a kiss to her temple. “Glad I could please.”

She rolls onto her side, her breasts pressing against Jared’s naked chest and her arm slung across his neck. “Let’s get married.”

“What?” Jared asks confused, pulling away a little. Where did that come from? Yeah, he knew she wanted to get married one day, but she never voiced anything about it before. 

“I talked to your mom and we think it’d be awesome to have the wedding next June. It’s the same month your parents have their thirty-year-anniversary. That would be so romantic. We could even make a double event out of it. Don’t you think that’s romantic?” 

Sandy is looking at him with her big brown eyes and Jared wants to say ‘Awesome, let’s do it’, but he can’t. 

“San-,” he starts and the smile on her face falls away. 

“You don’t want to.” It’s not a question but a statement. 

Jared sighs. “I want to, just not now.”

Sandy runs her fingers through his hair and nods. “Okay. It would have been so romantic, but if you’re not ready, you’re not ready.”

“You sure?” he asks, frowning. 

“I love you, Jared. I can wait,” she says and kisses him softly. 

He relaxes into the kiss and when they pull apart he whispers, “I love you too.”

Sandy smiles. “I’ll go and take a shower.”

“You want me to join you?” Jared asks, waggling his eyebrows. 

“I’d love you to, but I have to be in the studio in an hour and somehow I doubt that I’d make it if you came with,” she says, chuckling. 

Jared rolls onto his back. “Fine, I’ll just find someone else, then,” he says teasingly and she drops down next to him, tickling him. 

“Don’t you dare, Jared Padalecki; you’re mine,” she growls playfully and Jared screams for good measure for her to stop. 

After a few minutes they stop, lying on the floor panting hard and he has his arm around Sandy, while her head is lying on his chest. They’ll be okay.

  


Jensen drops to the blanket, Sam laid out on the grass for them, cross-legged and starts skimming through the pics he’s taken so far. They mostly consist of shots of Sam, Jeff and Joshua. There’s one where Jeff has his arm around Sam’s shoulders whispering something in her ear; Jensen loves the soft, loving look on her face. 

Another one is of Joshua and if you didn’t know it you’d never think he isn’t right there with you. He’s staring right at the camera and Jensen shivers a little at the intense look. Joshua’s eyes are a deep shade of green, much like Jensen’s own, and it’s like they look right into your soul. 

Right now Jeff’s leaning against the tires of the wheelchair they use to transport Joshua out of the house and is reading the newspaper to him. Jensen likes to imagine that Joshua knows exactly what Jeff’s telling him and that he’s just scared to come out of his shell. 

Nobody knows what exactly happened to Joshua and the doctors have all said that there’s nothing wrong with him health-wise. But whatever happened must have been so traumatic that Joshua locked himself inside his own mind and hasn’t come out since. There are moments when Jensen thinks that Joshua is lucid, staring at Jensen, Sam or Jeff intently, but then it’s always gone in a flash, so he tells himself he’s imagining things. 

Movement from the corner of his eye catches his attention. There’s a puppy with golden brown fur romping around in the grass, trying to catch a fly or a bee or something similar. Jensen smiles, because the puppy seems so completely focused on the task of catching whatever he’s chasing. 

He lifts his camera and presses the release. Taking shot after shot of the playing puppy, he only stops when he hears someone calling for the little dog. 

“Harley!” 

Jensen knows that voice inside out and he keeps the camera in his hand, waiting for Jared to appear around the corner. Harley seems to know that voice too, because he turns around and runs to Jared and another golden brown puppy that’s walking beside him. Jared kneels down and ruffles the little guy’s fur, talking to him softly.

Jensen doesn’t even realize that he’s taking pictures of them, until Sam says, “They’re cute together, aren’t they?”

“Yeah, they really are,” Jensen nods. He smiles when he sees Jared chasing the puppies down the grass towards where he’s sitting with Sam, Jeff and Joshua. “That’s Jared,” he says slowly. 

“Jared?” Sam asks, raising her eyebrows. “The Jared you can’t shut up about?”

Jeff seems to pick up on their conversation and turns his head to look in Jared’s direction. “That’s him exactly.”

Jensen rolls his eyes, when Sam says, “He’s handsome.”

“And taken,” Jensen says. “We’re just friends.”

Sam exchanges a look with Jeff, before nudging Jensen’s shoulder, her eyes sparkling. “That’s what I used to say about Jeff and me.”

Jensen’s about to answer, when a ball of fluff barrels into him and knocks him onto his back. He looks up and sees Harley standing on his chest with his small paws. The pup cocks his head, looking at Jensen curiously, before leaning down and licking his cheek. 

“Harley!” Jared’s voice sounds horrified, while Jensen can’t help himself and starts laughing. 

He grabs the pup and lifts it off his chest, placing it on the blanket, rubbing behind his ears. A shadow falls across them and Jared seems so completely shocked that he doesn’t even realize that it’s Jensen who Harley knocked over. 

“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. He’s just a pup. It’s his first day in the park. He’s just excited.” Jensen looks up and Jared’s eyes widen. “Jensen?”

“Hey, Jay.” He keeps rubbing Harley behind his ears and the pup places his head across Jensen’s thigh. “Since when do you have dogs?”

Jared seems to have found his voice again and he explains, “They’re not mine. Their mom got really sick when she was pregnant with them and the family brought her in. We were able to save Harley and Sadie.” He points at the other pup that’s eyeing Jensen carefully. “She’s a little shy. Well, anyway we nursed them back to health, and today is the first day I’ve been allowed to take them out with me. We’re looking for a new place for them to live.”

“He definitely talks a lot.”

Jensen groans and shoots Sam an evil look. She only grins at him, though. Jared seems a little taken aback and Jensen rushes to say, “Don’t listen to her. She’s just a nosy woman.” Sam flicks his shoulder and he growls, “Ow. That hurt, woman.”

“Well, don’t you think you should introduce me to your friend?”

Jensen sighs. “Not really, but since you won’t keep your mouth shut ‘til I do. Sam, this is Jared. Jared this is Sam.” He motions back and forth between them. “I believe you already know Jeff.” Jared nods and waves at Jeff, who grins back and says ‘Hi Jared’. “And that’s Joshua, Sam’s brother.” He told Jared enough about Joshua, that Jared just squeezes Joshua’s shoulder and says hello to him too. 

“So Jared, you wanna join us for our picnic?” Sam asks, holding up a box with strawberries and grapes. 

Jared looks at Jensen, as if he’s waiting for permission and Jensen just scoots to the side a little and pats the place next to him. 

“C’mon, sit down.”

Jared sits and Sadie follows reluctantly, sniffing carefully at Jensen’s hand when he holds it out to her. After a moment she seems satisfied and drops down between Jared’s legs, curling up like a ball. 

“She’s not as easy as Harley,” Jared explains. “She’s got style.”

Jensen snorts. “I’m sure she does.” He rubs her ears a little and she lifts her head a little to give him better access. “I see it.”

Jared rolls his eyes and takes the offered soda from Sam’s hand. “Thanks.”

Sam smiles. “So you said something about finding a new home for them. Why don’t you take them? They really seem to love you.”

Jared’s smile falls from his face a little and he shrugs uncomfortably. “I would, but Sandy says we don’t have time for them and she’s probably right. I mean, with school and my work at the clinic and Sandy working at the dance studio there’s not much time.”

Sam nods slightly and Jensen can practically see her mind working. “I’m sure you’ll find a good family for them.”

“I really hope so,” Jared says, sighing. “They deserve a loving family.”

Jensen scratches Harley’s head and the pup licks across his fingers. They totally deserve a loving family, they’ve already had a pretty hard start to their lives, and Jensen just might have an idea. 


	8. Something Real 7/?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen has it all; a great job, a loving boyfriend, an amazing family. Then he wakes up to find out that it’s all been a dream.

  


Jensen’s sitting in a comfortable leather chair in the waiting area of _InsideSF_. The office is situated in an old Victorian building, with high ceilings and large windows letting in the sun. He instantly likes it here; the bright paint on the wall giving him a welcomed feeling. 

Kristen, the girl behind the reception desk, is grinning at him and he gives her a small smile. 

“Mike will be here in a sec,” she says and Jensen nods. She already told him that ten minutes ago. 

He flips open the portfolio with a few of his pictures that Jared helped him select and skims through them again, just to be sure everything’s where it’s supposed to be. There are five photos. The first is the one with the little girl laying down flowers at Arlington National Cemetery and the second one is of a couple kissing at the Washington Monument. 

The third and the fourth photos are taken in Golden Gate Park and Jensen wouldn’t have put them in there, but Jared insisted. According to him, those two photos will give people a happy feeling. So, who’s Jensen to doubt that?

The last one is of Sam and Jeff, and Jensen had thought about putting it in here for a really long time. They’re just looking at each other, but it has such an intimate feeling to it that Jensen feels like he’s intruding whenever he looks at the photo. But Jeff had told him not to be stupid and just put it in there. It’s just further proof of Jensen’s ability to catch emotions. 

Footsteps echoing through the hallway prompt Jensen to look up and he sees a bald man in plaid pants, a black t-shirt with vest and red scarf walking towards him. When the guy stops in front of him, Jensen stands up and takes the offered hand. 

“Jensen, right? I’m Mike.”

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you.”

Mike grins and gives him the onceover. “That’s what I was about to say.” He winks at Jensen and Jensen feels himself blush. He’s never gotten used to people checking him out so openly. “So, you’re a friend of Marvel, huh?”

Jensen frowns. “Marvel?”

“Oops, sorry,” Mike laughs. “I call Jared that because he used to sit at home and do nothing but read his superhero comics as a kid. The nickname stuck. These days I mostly use it to rile him up.” He grins at Jensen. “C’mon, let’s go into my office.”

“So, you’ve known Jared for a long time, huh?” Jensen asks, curious about how Jared might have been when growing up. 

Mike nods. “Yeah, we grew up as neighbors down in Texas. Jeff and I are the same age, so it was kind of a given that we’d become best friends. Jared always followed us around when he was little and…” Mike smiles fondly at what seems to be a memory, “Well, you probably know how persistent he can be. The rest, as they say, is history.”

Jensen chuckles. “Sounds just like him.”

Mike grins and nods. “When Jeff and I came here for college we called him and told him that he could have his pick of boys and girls here. So he followed a few years later. Jeff went back to Texas to work at his dad’s company last year, so it’s just me and Jared now. We don’t see each other very often, but from time to time we like to indulge in past memories.” 

Jensen wonders for a sec, why Jared didn’t tell him that Mike was a friend of his too and not just of his brother’s. 

“He didn’t tell you all that, huh?” Jensen looks at Mike and sees him looking curiously at Jensen. 

Jensen shakes his head. “No, he didn’t.”

Mike nods. “He probably didn’t want you to think that I was just giving you a chance because he’s friends with me.” He points at the chair in front of his huge desk. “Take a seat and show me what you’ve got in your portfolio. Jared sounded totally in awe when talking about your photos.”

Jensen hands the folder over and reaches into his pocket to pull out a USB device. “Here, there’s more on there if you need it.”

Mike is silent for a long while, making Jensen nervous. He’s fidgeting in his seat by the time Mike looks up and gives him an impressed nod. 

“These are really good. And you’ve never worked as a photographer before?” He seems a little surprised by that fact. 

“No,” Jensen shakes his head, because how else could he explain it? “It never worked out like that.”

Mike nods slowly. “It’s a shame, really.” He holds up the stick. “I’ll take a look at these too if you don’t mind.” 

Jensen keeps his eyes on Mike, but the guy has the ability to have a completely blank expression and Jensen doesn’t have a clue what Mike is thinking while looking at the pictures. 

“Well, Jensen,” Mike says, leaning back in his chair a few minutes later. “I’m normally not the type to hire people without job experience. But from time to time someone comes along and you just know you’d be stupid to let them get away. You’re that person and if you want it, you have the job.”

“Just like that?” Jensen asks surprised. 

Mike grins. “Just like that.” He hands Jensen his portfolio and the USB stick back. “Y’know, I always trust my instincts and they barely disappoint me.”

“Thanks. That’s… Thank you,” Jensen says feeling a little overwhelmed. 

“So, how about I let human resources get everything ready and call you once I get your contract?” Mike says, scribbling something on a piece of paper. “There’s a Foo Fighters concert this Thursday. We’ll be featuring it with a three page article. I want you to go with Alona, who’s writing the article and take some awesome pictures we can put next to the text.” He hands Jensen the piece of paper. “That’s Alona’s phone number and the time and place of the concert. I can’t wait to see what you come back with.”

They shake hands and a couple of minutes later Jensen’s standing on the sidewalk in front of the building and looking at the blue sky. He isn’t really sure what just happened, but it sure as hell makes him grin like a loon. 

He takes the subway to the animal clinic where Jared works and takes a deep breath before walking inside. There’s a girl with long dark hair sitting behind the counter. She looks up and gives him a curious smile. 

“Can I help you?”

“Yeah, uhm,” Jensen looks around feeling a little lost as to how he’ll be able to pull this off. “My name’s Jensen and I’m a friend of Jared’s. He told me about two pups looking for a new home and I thought they might want to come home with me.”

The girl’s eyes widen and then she grins. “Jensen, huh? Jared forgot to mention how hot you are when he talks about you.”

Jensen blushes a little and he raises his eyebrows sheepishly. “He talks about me?”

“All the time,” the girl laughs and holds out her hand. “I’m Katie. Nice to put a face to the name. So, you’re here for Sadie and Harley?”

Jensen nods. “Yeah, I met them in the park on Saturday and well, I kinda fell in love.”

Katie laughs again. “Yeah, they can do that to you. Do you have any experience with dogs?”

“Not really,” Jensen admits. “But I figured that Jared knows enough for the both of us.”

Something flashes in Katie’s eyes but it’s gone again before Jensen has time to analyze it. “So you’re doing this for Jared?”

“For Jared and the pups,” Jensen explains. “I know that Sandy thinks they don’t have the time for the pups, but I do and Jared can come visit them.”

“Come with me,” Katie says and grins. 

She leads him into the back of the clinic and into a room with several large cages. In one of them the two pups jump up, wagging their tails excitedly, when they see Jensen and Katie walk in. 

He kneels down in front of the cage, putting his fingers through the fence. “Hey guys, remember me?”

Harley excitedly licks his fingers and even Sadie comes to him after a second, pushing her head against his fingertips. 

“They like you,” Katie says, sound a little shocked. “I mean, Harley of course, but Sadie? She’s normally not so trusting.”

“I think she remembers me from Saturday.” He looks up at Katie, seeing her nod and smile. 

“I’ll go get Dr. Beaver. He has to sign the papers. Normally this wouldn’t be so easy, but you’re Jared’s friend and you obviously care about the dogs.”

An hour later, Jensen’s leading Sadie and Harley out of the clinic with a promise from Katie and Dr. Beaver not to tell Jared anything. Sam’s waiting for him in the parking lot of the clinic and she opens up the back door, helping him put Sadie and Harley inside. 

Jensen may have had the idea of adopting Sadie and Harley, but Sam had been the one to work out all the logistics. She had promised to get all the essentials and get them to Jensen’s apartment while he got the pups.

“You got everything?” he asks and Sam nods. 

“Sure. Everything’s set up.”

They drive home and while they carry Sadie and Harley upstairs, because they’re too small to climb the stairs yet, Danneel comes home. Jensen curses a little, because he just knows that she’ll rip him a new one for not telling her about his plan. 

“Oh my gosh,” she squeals, running over the Jensen. “You got dogs. That’s so cute, Jen.” 

She reaches out to scratch Sadie behind the ear, but Sadie turns her head away and tries to get closer to Jensen. 

“Sadie’s really shy,” Jensen says. “Try Harley.”

For a second, Danneel seems to just accept their names and turns to the pup in Sam’s arms, but then she asks, “Sadie and Harley? The Sadie and Harley Jared can’t stop talking about?”

Jensen grins sheepishly. “Well, Sandy says they don’t have the time, but I do. So, I thought that it might be nice if I took them and Jared can visit them whenever he wants.”

Danneel looks at him for a long time, before she says, “You got Jared dogs?”

Jensen can’t answer, because Sam’s pushing past him. “I’m going to take Harley upstairs, he’s getting heavy. You can stand here a little longer if you want.” She rolls her eyes and starts climbing the stairs. 

Jensen motions for Danneel to follow him and carries Sadie upstairs as well. He sets Sadie down and smiles when she pads over to Harley and they start checking out their new home. Sam’s standing in the doorway to the guest room and when Jensen walks over, he starts grinning. 

There are two huge dog beds, one in pink and one in blue, and more toys than Jensen can count. 

“I put their bowls in the kitchen,” Sam says. “And there’s food, especially for puppies, in the cupboard under the sink.”

“You’re amazing,” Jensen says and hugs Sam. “Really, thank you.”

Sam smiles. “These two deserve a loving home and I know they’ve got it here. Call me if we need to puppysit.”

Jensen grins and walks Sam to the door. “Tell Jeff I said ‘hi’.”

“Will do. Bye Danneel.”

Danneel waves and then Sam’s gone. Jensen walks into the kitchen and fills the pups’ bowls with dog food. He’ll ask Jared what he thinks is best for them, when he sees him later. 

“You never answered my question, Jen.”

He sighs. “No, okay. I didn’t get Jared pups. I got the pups from the clinic because they deserve a new, loving home after what happened to them. Yeah, I thought Jared might be happy that he’ll be able to visit them, but I didn’t just do it for Jared.”

“Jen,” Danneel lets out a deep breath. “Please tell me you’re not falling for Jared.”

Jensen looks up from where he just kneeled down to scratch Sadie and Harley. “I’m not, Danni. I promise. Jared and I are just friends. Remember, you wanted that.”

“He’s taken, Jen. He’s with Sandy and they’ll get married, probably sometime next year. So you’re only going to set yourself up for heartbreak. I know he looks like Logan. But Jen, he isn’t him.”

“They’re getting married?” Jensen asks stunned. “Jared never said anything.” He tries to ignore the way his heart aches at the news. 

Danneel huffs out a breath. “Because Sandy wanted to ask him this weekend, so he probably didn’t have time to tell you. But that’s not the point, Jen. The point is you opening your heart up just for it to be stomped on.”

“Don’t worry, Danni,” he says and pulls Sadie closer to him, burying his nose in her fur. “Jared and I are just friends. And besides,” he looks up at her again, “I know he’s not Logan. He’s completely different from Logan, so I know, believe me.” 

He doesn’t need to tell Danneel that no matter how different Jared and Logan are, Jared still gets under his skin and warms his heart in the same way Logan did. 

“I’m sorry, Jen.” Danneel sits down next to him and Harley trots over to her, licking her hand. She grins and starts petting him. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

Jensen looks at her and pulls her into a hug. “I’m fine, Danni. And I’m glad to have you.”

They sit like that for a while, until Sadie and Harley fall asleep and they carry them into the guest room, leaving the door ajar. 

“I guess it’s time to call Jared, huh?”

Danni smiles. “He’ll be thrilled. I’ll leave you alone, then. Call if you need help with the pups.”

When Danneel’s gone, Jensen takes his phone and dials Jared’s number. It rings three times before Jared answers, sounding a little down. 

“Hey Jay.”

“Oh, hey Jensen.”

Jensen frowns a little. “What’s going on? Did something happen?”

Jared sighs on the other end of the line. “Someone came to the clinic today and took Sadie and Harley home with them. I guess I’m a little sad that I couldn’t say goodbye. Katie says he’s a good guy, though.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Jay. Hey, you wanna hear something awesome?” Jensen says, changing the topic quickly, or he’d tell Jared right then what he’d done. 

“Sure.” He doesn’t sound excited though. 

“I got the job, Jay. I thought you might want to come over to celebrate with pizza and beer, or Chinese if you’d prefer that.”

“That’s awesome, Jen. Sure I’ll come over. You want me to bring pizza from Alfredo’s?” 

“Cool. Pepperoni and sausage, okay?” 

“I’m on it, Jen,” Jared says and he actually sounds a little lighter. “I’ll be there in a bit.”

Jensen checks on Sadie and Harley while he waits for Jared and when Jared gets to his apartment thirty minutes later, he’s really nervous about what Jared will think. 

He opens the door and grins at Jared who’s holding the pizza box and a six pack. “Hey Jen.” 

He pushes past Jensen and their shoulders brush against each other. Jensen closes his eyes for a second, willing down the warm feeling inside his heart. Danni is right, Jared’s taken and apparently they’re going to get married. 

“Just put it on the coffee table, Jay. I gotta show you something before we eat.” He can’t drag this out one minute longer. 

Jared wrinkles his forehead in a frown and then nods. “Sure.” He puts down their dinner and follows Jensen to the guest room. “You got a visitor?” he jokes and Jensen shakes his head fondly. 

“More like two roommates,” Jensen says and he sees the confusion on Jared’s face until he pushes the door open and Jared’s eyes fall on the two sleeping pups. 

“Jen,” he breathes. “That’s Sadie and Harley. What are Sadie and Harley doing here?”

Jensen rubs his hand through his hair nervously. “Well, you said they needed a new home and even with the new job, I’ll have enough time. And I thought that way, you could come and visit them.”

Jared’s eyes grow wide and suddenly Jensen is tackled to the floor and finds himself in a bear hug with Jared. The thud when they hit the floor wakes the pups and they jump up and rush towards Jared and Jensen, barking and wagging their tails. 

“Thank you, Jen. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You’re amazing, Jen. Thank you so much.”

Jensen laughs and pushes Jared away a little. “You’re welcome. But I didn’t just do it for you. The pups deserve a nice home.”

Jared stares at him and Jensen feels heat starting to pool in his belly. “I can’t believe you just did that, Jen.” His voice is soft and Jensen really needs to get away, because otherwise he might just lift his head and kiss Jared.

The weird tension in the air seems to set the pups off, because they push between Jared and Jensen at the last minute and Jensen lets out a relieved breath. 

Jared laughs and pulls Sadie into his lap. “Seriously, Jen. This is so awesome. I really wanted to take them home with me and this is the next best thing.”

They play with the pups for a while and Jensen asks what Jared thinks is the best food for pups. Jared makes him a list of what to buy and Jensen promises to get all of it in the morning. 

The pizza is cold by the time they finally sit down to eat, but Jensen could care less. Jared’s sitting next to him, munching happily on his slice and scratching Harley behind the ear at the same time. 

“So, Mike told me to tell you ‘hi’, Marvel,” Jensen says and when Jared freezes he starts cackling. “Oh my god, he really calls you that, doesn’t he?”

Jared grumbles a little and then nods. “I loved comics when I was little.”

“Only when you were little?” Jensen teases and Jared blushes. 

“Okay, so there might be one or two comics under my bed.” He grins shyly. “I’m sure there are things you don’t want anyone to know about under your bed too.”

Jensen tenses. There really are things he’s hiding, just not under his bed. Jeff had asked him if he ever wanted to tell his friends what happened to him. But how do you tell a story like that to your friends? 

Jared nudges his shoulder. “Hey,” he says softly. “You don’t have to tell me. I was just kidding.”

Looking over to Jared, a shiver runs down Jensen’s spine when he sees the intensity in Jared’s eyes. “Maybe one day,” he says, forcing a smile and Jared smiles back. 

“I’ll be here.”

They sit in silence for a while and Jensen thinks about just telling Jared, when Jared says, “Sandy asked me to marry her.”

Jensen jerks his head around. “Jared that’s…”

“I said ‘no’. Or more specifically ‘not now’.”

“You… what?” Jensen frowns. “Why? I thought you said you loved her.”

Jared sighs. “I do. I love her and one day I wanna get married, just not now. I’m twenty-two and have only just started vet school. I just think it’s too early.”

Jensen looks at his friend intently and there’s something off about Jared. “Jay, you sure?”

“Yeah,” Jared answers shakily. “It’s the right thing to do.”

Their eyes meet and Jensen pushes down the irrational hope that blossoms in his belly. “Well, it’ll be okay,” he says and smiles. “I’m sure Sandy will understand.”

“She said she does.” Jared sighs. “I know she’s older than me and that she wants to have a family, but I don’t feel ready for it.”

Jensen smiles and claps Jared’s shoulder. “If you don’t think you’re ready you shouldn’t do it, Jay. Sandy loves you. It’ll be okay.”

  


Jared gets home around ten that night and when he pushes open his apartment door he has a huge grin on his face. Jensen adopted Sadie and Harley, just like that. It warms Jared’s heart and he bounces into the bedroom, stopping dead in his tracks. 

There’s Sandy, sitting on two packed bags. 

“Sandy?” Jared asks stunned. “What’s going on?”

Sandy smiles softly at him, but there’s also something Jared thinks is sadness in her eyes. “Hey, Jared. How was your night with Jensen? Danneel told me about the pups. That’s awesome, huh.”

“San, what’s going on?” Jared asks again, ignoring Sandy’s small talk. “Why are you sitting on packed bags?”

“I’m leaving, Jared,” she says slowly. “I got a call from a dance company that’s casting for Broadway plays. They want me to go and work for them.”

Jared’s eyes grow wide. “You’re going to New York?”

Sandy nods. “Yeah, it’s an amazing opportunity, Jared.”

Jared nods. “Yeah, no you’re right. When will you be back?”

“Jared,” Sandy looks at him sadly. “I’m not coming back.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Jared asks, his heart growing heavy. 

“I’m sorry,” Sandy says. “I really am, but tell me when was the last time that you were truly happy in this relationship?” Jared opens his mouth but nothing comes out and he closes it again. Sandy smiles sadly, “We’re both going in different directions, Jared. We want different things from our lives. And that’s okay. It hurts, but we’ll be okay.”

Jared waits for the all-encompassing pain that heartbreak causes to hit him, but it doesn’t come. Yeah, he’s sad that Sandy’s leaving, but he doesn’t feel like his heart has been ripped out of his chest and stomped on. 

“I didn’t want this,” he says and looks over at Sandy. “I love you.”

Sandy nods. “I know, Jared. I love you too, but I’m not in love with you anymore and you’re not with me either.”

It hurts, what she’s saying. Jared really believed that Sandy would be the person he would spend the rest of his life with. But if he’s honest with himself, she’s right. He hasn’t been in love with her for a while now. 

“I’m gonna spend the night at Danneel and Sophia’s place,” Sandy says. “My flight leaves tomorrow morning. I also talked to our landlord, he knows that you’ll be only one living here from now on.” 

She walks over to him and he pulls her into a hug. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too, Jared. But it’s for the best.” She looks up at him and he presses a kiss to her forehead. “My aunt will come by next weekend and get the rest of my stuff, okay?”

Jared lets out a deep breath. “Yeah sure.”

The doorbell rings and Sandy takes her bags. “That’s my cab.” 

“C’mon, let me help you,” Jared offers, but Sandy shakes her head.

“I’m fine, Jared. Just stay here please.”

She gives him one last smile and then she’s gone, leaving him alone in the too silent apartment. His relationship of three years is over and Jared doesn’t really know how it happened. 


	9. Something Real 8/?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen has it all; a great job, a loving boyfriend, an amazing family. Then he wakes up to find out that it’s all been a dream.

  


Jensen’s barely awake when he stumbles down the stairs to let Harley and Sadie outside. It had taken a little bit of organizing before all three of them were standing on the sidewalk and now Jensen’s shivering in his thin t-shirt and sweatpants while he waits for the pups to finish their business. 

It’s foggy and he feels his clothes turning damp. Wrapping his arms around his chest, he rocks back and forth on his heels, urging the dogs on silently. 

The front door opens and he kind of expects to see Danneel or Sophia leaving for work. What he didn’t expect was to see Sandy coming out of the front door with two large bags. Danneel and Sophia are right behind her and for a moment all of them just stare at each other. 

“I had to let the dogs out,” Jensen says slowly, feeling the need to defend his presence on the sidewalk at eight o’clock in the morning. 

A cab stops at the curb and Sandy pulls, first Danneel and then Sophia, into a tight hug. Jensen thinks he can see tears in their eyes. The cab driver puts the two bags in the trunk and Sandy turns to Jensen, giving him a small wave. 

“Goodbye, Jensen.”

“Bye,” he says and feels at a complete loss. Surely Jared would have said something about Sandy leaving for wherever she’s going last night. Why didn’t he? 

The cab drives away and Jensen stares at Danneel and Sophia, waiting for some sort of explanation. 

“She’s moving to New York,” Danneel says quietly. “Got a job there.”

Jensen nods slowly, trying to take in what Danneel’s telling him. “What about Jared? When will he leave?” The question makes his heart ache, but he has to know.

Sophia shakes her head. “He won’t be leaving. They broke up.”

Jensen blinks rapidly. “What?” he asks, confused. “But…,” he doesn’t know what to say to that. 

“According to Sandy it’s been over for a while,” Danneel says quietly. “She thought they might be able to fix it. That’s why she asked him to marry her. But in the end,” Danneel waves her hand aimlessly, “it didn’t work out.”

“I have to talk to Jared,” Jensen mumbles, more to himself than to his friends. “He must be heartbroken. I …” he looks over at Danneel and Sophia, “I gotta go. See you later.”

He takes Sadie and Harley’s leashes and starts walking the six blocks to Jared’s apartment. He’s never been there before, but Jared showed him where he lived once when they were driving by. It takes him almost half-an-hour to get there because Sadie and Harley have to stop and smell every second stone on the way. They really don’t seem to get the importance of the situation. 

When he finally gets to the white painted house, he finds the front door open and an older woman cleaning the floor. She looks up at him when he approaches and he gives her a small smile. 

“Morning,” he says. “I’m a friend of Jared’s.”

“Oh really? Jared’s such a nice boy,” she says. “I was so surprised when I heard that his girlfriend had moved to New York. I was sure they’d get married one day.”

Jensen nods. “Yeah, me too,” he mumbles, pushing past the older lady. “It was nice meeting you.”

She smiles and nods. “You too.”

Jensen makes his way to the second floor and after looking at three nameplates, he finds the one saying ‘Padalecki/McCoy’. Taking a deep breath, he knocks. When there’s no answer after a few seconds, he knocks again and finally he hears movement behind the door. 

The door is unlocked a moment later and Jared’s looking at him with a surprised look on his face. “Jen?” 

Jensen needs a moment, because Jared’s standing there in black boxers and a white t-shirt. There’s nothing left to the imagination and Jensen clears his throat, shaking his head a little to clear it, before finally being able to look into Jared’s face. 

“I heard,” he says. “About Sandy I mean. I was downstairs with the pups when she left.”

Jared nods slowly. “Yeah, uhm…,” he looks over his shoulder and asks, “You wanna come in?”

“Yeah okay,” Jensen says, pushing the dogs into Jared’s apartment before walking in. He looks around, curious about how Jared lives. It’s modern, a lot of chrome and glass. Not what Jensen expected. 

“Sandy did most of the decoratiing,” Jared says as if he can read Jensen’s mind. “She liked it this way.” He falls to the couch and Jensen realizes that he must have spent the night on it, given the pillow and blankets. “I couldn’t sleep in our bed. Barely slept at all.” He pulls Sadie onto his lap and buries his head in her fur. 

Slowly, Jensen sits down next to him. “You okay?”

Jared shrugs. “Don’t really know. I mean, we were together for three years and I – I feel like my heart should be shattered, but it’s not.” He looks guilty while saying that. “I thought she was the One, Jen. I really did.”

“I know,” Jensen says quietly. 

“The whole night I kept waiting for the ultimate heartbreak.” Jared sighs. “It didn’t come. What does that say about me?”

Jensen reaches out and squeezes Jared’s shoulder in a, hopefully, reassuring manner. “I guess it says that it just wasn’t meant to be. Doesn’t make you a bad person, Jay. Just sometimes things don’t work out the way we want them to.”

Jared lets out a deep breath. “Thanks for coming by, Jen.” He smiles a little, before taking in Jensen’s clothes. “Did you walk over here in nothing more than sweatpants and a t-shirt?”

Jensen shrugs and grins sheepishly. “Didn’t really think about it, just started walking.”

“You must be freezing,” Jared says, putting Sadie down, and getting up from the couch, looking around. And Jensen didn’t even realize it, but now that Jared’s mentioned it, he starts shivering. “Here,” Jared says and Jensen looks up at him and the hoodie he’s holding in his hand, “This should do it.” He sits down next to Jensen again and throws a woolen blanket over both of them. “I’m not going to class today and I already called the clinic to say that I’m gonna take a day off. You gonna stay?”

Jensen looks at Jared, already warming up with Jared being so close to him and nods. “Yeah sure.” He looks down to their feet where the pups are napping. “I think we’re good here.”

Jared grins at him. “You wanna watch shit getting blown up?”

“Sure,” Jensen says and yawns. “How about I’ll make us a quick breakfast, while you put in whatever you wanna see?”

They do just that and while Jensen whips up some pancake batter, Jared searches through his DVDs to see what they can use to spend their day with. 

It’s nice and feels good, even though Jensen thinks it shouldn’t have this easy feel to it – especially since Sandy hasn’t even been gone for twenty-four hours. He, however, can’t bring himself to care about it and when the pancakes are finished, he carries them over to the living room with the chocolate and maple syrup. 

They sit together on the couch, a blanket thrown over them. Arms and thighs are touching and Jensen thinks he could get used to this – sitting on the couch with Jared and watching shitty action movies, while Sadie and Harley are napping at their feet. 

He looks over at Jared and his heart jumps a little in his chest. Jared has his bottom lip sucked between his teeth and is watching the movie intently; Jensen doesn’t think he even realizes that Jensen’s watching him. A strand of hair falls into Jared’s face and Jensen’s fingers itch with the need to push it back, curl it around a finger and feel if it is as soft as it looks. 

Jared pushes it back behind his ear and turns to give Jensen a smile. “Thanks, Jen. I really needed a day like this.”

They barely move, only to let Sadie and Harley out to do their business and then to order Chinese for lunch and dinner. Otherwise they stay holed up on the couch. 

Jensen doesn’t know how it happens, but during the second Spider-Man movie he finds himself lying on the couch on his side, with Jared’s chest pressed against his back and a casual arm lying over his hips. It doesn’t seem to be weird to Jared and Jensen decides to enjoy it and not make a big deal out of it, even though it feels like it is. 

That’s how he falls asleep. 

  


Jared walks out of his classroom, waving at Caleb and James, before reaching for his buzzing phone. 

There’s been a small smile on his face the whole day that doesn’t want to go away, no matter how hard he tries. He should feel bad; should feel heartbroken. But all he can think about is how Jensen and he fell asleep on the couch, pressed close together. 

It only shows him that his relationship with Sandy has been over for a long time, even though he didn’t realize it. He had loved her, but somehow, without him realizing it, the love shifted into friendship. But recalling Sandy’s words, he thinks that he wasn’t the only one who didn’t realize that they were over long before Sandy left. 

He looks at his phone and grins when he answers it. “Hey, asshole.”

“Marvel, how’s tricks?”

Jared snorts. “I can’t believe you told Jensen, Mike.”

Mike laughs. “He needed to know your one secret. Besides, he seemed to like it.” Jared can hear his friend taking a deep breath. “So, when were you going to tell me?”

“What do you mean?” Jared asks frowning.

“That Sandy broke up with you and moved to New York?” Mike says, forming it as a question. “Jensen came by an hour ago to sign his contract, said he’d kept you company in your heartbreak.”

“I’m fine, Mike,” Jared says and the thing is, he means it.

“You sure?” Mike asks concerned. “I mean you’ve been together for three years. It’s okay to be a little heartbroken.”

Sighing, Jared rubs a hand over his face. “I’m fine, really. I shouldn’t be, I know that. But I’m coming to realize that we’d been more friends than lovers for quite a while.” 

“Okay,” Mike says. “It’s good then, that someone took the last step, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“So listen,” Mike says, “Tom is getting a promotion to junior partner at the firm. We’re having a little party on Saturday. Why don’t you come by, keep your mind off things? Bring Jensen, huh?”

“Sounds good,” Jared says, alcohol could be good now. “Hey, uhm, I didn’t ask, but what did you think of his photos?”

“They’re good – especially the ones of you.”

“Of me?” Jared asks surprised. “I didn’t know he had pics of me.”

“Well,” Mike says and Jared can just hear the smirk in his voice, “I don’t think you noticed. You were in the park playing with Sadie and Harley.”

Jared remembers that day, it was last Saturday when he met Jensen picnicking in the park with Jeff, Sam and Joshua. 

“I really didn’t realize he was taking pictures.”

“Yeah well, you should ask him to show them to you. They’re really good.”

“I will,” Jared says. “I’m gonna meet him later at the park, I promised to walk the dogs with him.”

“The dogs?” Mike asks. “I didn’t know Jensen has dogs.”

“Yeah, he adopted Sadie and Harley,” Jared says casually, not thinking anything of it. 

“He adopted Sadie and Harley?” Mike asks and Jared thinks he can hear the surprise in his voice. “He must really like you to get you dogs.”

“He didn’t get them for me. He got them because they needed a home. Of course it’s great that I can still visit them.”

“Whatever you say, Jay,” Mike chuckles. “I’m saying he did it to win over your heart. I already had a hunch when I saw the pics he took of you. But now, I know that guy has a crush on you.”

“You’re delusional, Mike,” Jared says. “Jensen’s late fiancé apparently looked a lot like me, so if there’s anything, it’s probably because I remind him of him.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that,” Mike says seriously. “That really sucks. Poor Jensen.” He takes a deep breath. “But I’m still saying he has a crush on you.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Jared sighs. “Listen, I gotta get to the clinic. I’ll see you on Saturday.”

He disconnects the call after Mike laughs into his ear. Mike couldn’t really be right, could he? Jensen doesn’t have a crush on Jared? No way. He really tries to ignore the way his heart skips a beat at the possibility that it really is true. 

  


Jensen’s sitting at a table in his favorite coffee shop, Sadie and Harley at his feet. He had called Alona this morning, after leaving Jared’s place and asked her if she maybe wanted to meet up to get to know each other before they had to work together tomorrow. 

He’s staring out of the shop’s window, watching people rush by, without really noticing. It’s a cloudy day and the summer has definitely gone by. He pulls his hoodie closer around him. When he closes his eyes, he can still feel Jared’s body heat warming him. 

He can’t remember sleeping so well in, well ever. He had slept like a baby with Jared’s arms around him and his breath against his neck. 

Maybe Danneel is right and he is falling for Jared. But it’s not because Jensen thinks he’s Logan. No, Jared is just Jared and Jensen’s completely fine with that. However, there’s still the small thing with Sandy. Jared might say he’s alright, but that doesn’t mean he’s interested in Jensen in any way. He’s probably glad that he can be single for a while. 

“Jensen Ackles?” 

Jensen looks up and sees a young woman in her mid-twenties standing next to his table. Her blonde hair is pulled back into a ponytail and she’s smiling openly at him. 

“Yeah, that’s me. You’re Alona?”

She nods. “That’d be me.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” He points at the chair across from him. “Sit please. Don’t mind Sadie and Harley. They’re being lazy.”

Alona grins and pets both dog quickly before sitting down. “They’re cute.” She orders a vanilla latte and then cocks her head, looking at Jensen. “So, Mike says you’re really good. I hope so, because I really wanna have some amazing pics for me to take home. I mean, they’re the Foo Fighters.”

Jensen laughs softly. “You a fan?”

“Only since I was a teenager,” she says. “They’re kinda the reason I’m here right now, I always wanted to interview them.”

They talk a little about this and that and Jensen thinks that they’ll work together pretty well. They already get along. He doesn’t even realize how fast the time goes by until Jared’s walking up to their table. A soft hand falls to his shoulder and he looks up, smiling. 

“Hey, Jay. Meet Alona, she’ll be doing the interview with the Foo Fighters tomorrow.” 

“Hi,” Alona says, watching Jared and Jensen with an amused look on her face. Jensen wonders why. 

“Hey, it’s nice to meet you,” Jared says and then kneels down and pets Sadie and Harley excitedly. “Hi guys. How are you?”

Jensen smiles and feels Alona’s eyes on him, he raises his eyebrows in question and Alona shakes her head. “I gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” She looks down. “Bye Jared.”

Jared looks up and smiles. “Bye.” He stands up again and drops into Alona’s seat. “So, you ready to walk the dogs? We could stop at the new diner down the block from your apartment on our way back to get something to eat.”

“Yeah, sure, sounds good.” 

Jensen pays the bill and then they’re on their way out and on their way to the park. It’s chilly and Jensen pulls his hoodie closer around his chest and walks a little closer to Jared, hoping for a little body heat. Jared doesn’t seem to mind and their arms keep brushing while they walk in silence. 

It’s a comfortable silence and Jensen smiles softly at the realization that they’re so comfortable with each other that they don’t feel the need to talk. It doesn’t happen often in Jensen’s experience and it feels really nice. 


	10. Something Real 9/?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen has it all; a great job, a loving boyfriend, an amazing family. Then he wakes up to find out that it’s all been a dream.

  


Jared gets home that night to a cold, dark and silent apartment. He flips on the lights and after getting himself something to drink out of the fridge; he sits down and opens his textbook. He really needs to get some studying done. The last few days he’s spent with Jensen and the dogs, rather than bury his head in the anatomy of cats, dogs and budgies. 

He loses himself in his textbook a little and when he looks up again it’s a quarter past two in the morning. Sighing, he gets up, goes into the bathroom and brushes his teeth. He feels restless and even though his bed is warm and comfy, he can’t seem to fall asleep after he lies down. Fiddling with his phone, he thinks about calling someone. 

But it’s the middle of the night and he doesn’t want to wake anyone, just because he’s a big baby and can’t sleep in this huge, empty apartment. He really needs to sleep, though, because class will start in seven hours and he has to be awake for that. 

Wandering around the apartment doesn’t help and even the warm milk with honey won’t get him to sleep. He zaps aimlessly through the TV channels, finding nothing that holds his attention. Even Bruce Willis blowing up shit doesn’t help him to fall asleep. 

In the end Jared grabs his textbook again and studies some more. 

  


The alarm echoes loudly through the room and Jared jerks awake. He groans, looking at the drool spot on his textbook. Seems like he finally fell asleep, but now he feels like he’s been run over by a truck and he staggers into his bedroom to turn off his alarm. 

His bed looks really nice and cozy, but he can’t miss another class this week. So he trails into the bathroom and hopes that a hot shower will wake him up enough to get to class on time. 

Half an hour later, he’s on his way to vet school, feeling a little more human. He barely makes it on time, though and is just able to slip into the classroom before Dr. Kellerman walks in. 

Jared drops into his normal seat and waves away the amused looks of Caleb and James. His phone vibrates in his pocket and he pulls it out. 

_You’ll be here tonight to watch the kids, right?_

A small smile appears on Jared’s face at the way Jensen calls Sadie and Harley kids. He almost forgot that it’s Jensen’s big night, but now he remembers and texts back. 

_Of course. Dude, what are you doing up anyway?_

It doesn’t take another minute before Jared has the reply that makes him chuckle fondly. 

_Couldn’t sleep._

_Someone is nervous_ he texts back and a minute later he has Jensen’s reply. 

_Shut up! Shouldn’t you be in class already?_

_I am. But it’s so boring_

_Learn something, so you can make real money and treat me and the kids to a nice vacation one day. I’ll see you tonight._

Jared looks at his phone for a long time. Is Jensen flirting with him? A warm feeling blossoms in Jared’s belly just thinking about going on vacation with Jensen and the kids, preferably somewhere with a beach and an ocean. 

_C u then_ he texts back and tries to concentrate on Dr. Kellerman’s lecture. 

It’s hard, though, because somehow he can’t get the image of Jensen’s face smiling at him out of his mind. He swallows hard. What is this thing between him and Jensen? There’s this feeling deep inside of him that makes his heart beat faster every time he thinks of Jensen. He feels warm and giddy just thinking about seeing him tonight.

Sandy and he haven’t been broken up for a week and he’s already thinking about someone else. That can’t be right. He and Jensen are just friends. Really good friends and Jared feels as if he has known Jensen his whole life, but they’re still just friends. 

He really is too tired to analyze this any further, so he forces himself to listen to what Dr. Kellerman has to say about a cat’s anatomy. 

  


When he gets to Jensen’s that night, Jared’s dead on his feet. The day has sucked as far as Jared’s concerned. After Dr. Kellerman’s lecture, he had two other’s and all of his professors thought it might be nice to give him homework for the next three years, which needs to be done in the matter of a week of course.

Then he went to the clinic, only to find out that Katie broke her leg and won’t be in for at least three to four weeks, possibly longer. That means longer hours and more days to help cover for her while she’s gone.

It’s after six p.m. when he knocks and he knows that Jensen has to be at The Fillmore at six-thirty. He’d rather curl up on the couch with Jensen, watch some shitty action movie or, if he remembers right, there’s a Star Trek marathon going on on Scify. 

Jensen jerks the door open, holding back Sadie and Harley with one leg. He’s dressed casually in jeans, a blue tee and a white button-down over the top. It still makes Jared’s breath hitch in his throat, because Jensen’s fucking gorgeous. He’s grinning at Jared and there’s this feeling deep down in his gut that makes his heart beat faster and his breath come out ragged. 

“Hey, I was about to call you,” Jensen says, opening the door wider to let Jared in. 

“Yeah, sorry. Today sucked. Katie broke her leg, so I have to work double shifts to cover for her and I have a butt load of homework that’s due next week of course.”

Jensen smiles softly. “Sorry to hear that. But I won’t be home for a few hours, so you can get a head start on your homework, right? There’s lasagna in the fridge, you just have to nuke it.”

Jared gives him a small grin. “Thanks, Jen. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Forget about it,” Jensen waves it away. “You’re watching the kids tonight, so the least I could do was cook.” He looks at his watch. “Shit, I really have to get going. I’ll see you later, okay?”

He’s almost out the door when Jared calls ‘Good luck’ after him. Jensen shoots him a grin over his shoulder and then he’s gone. Jared falls down on the couch and Sadie and Harley are there in a second, wagging their tails and licking his hands. 

“So, it’s just us tonight, guys. Daddy left for work. What do you wanna do? Eat, drink, watch porn?” 

Both dogs are staring at him with wide eyes and Jared sighs. “How about we start with the lasagna your daddy made, huh? Sounds good?”

Sadie and Harley yip and Jared takes that as a yes. He heats the lasagna in the microwave and even though he knows Sadie and Harley shouldn’t really have some he gives them a couple of small bites. 

Later they’re all lying on the couch, while Jared uses the time to really get a head start on his papers. It’s warm and comfy with the dogs at his feet and slowly the day catches up with Jared. He only wants to close his eyes for a second, but falls into a deep sleep right there on Jensen’s couch. 

  


It’s after midnight when Jensen finally gets home. He has a smile on his face and is a little buzzed from the three beers he had at the after-show party. 

The night was awesome, everything went great and Alona didn’t stumble too much over her words when Dave Grohl first greeted them in the backstage area. Jensen’s sure that he has some awesome shots of the band as well as from the concert and the audience. He can’t wait to share them with Jared. 

He unlocks the front door and kinda expects Jared to jump him and ask how the night went, but the apartment stays silent. Jensen walks into the living room and stops in his tracks when he sees Jared lying on the couch with his anatomy textbook across his chest and Sadie and Harley somehow curled around his body. 

Honestly? He couldn’t have come home to a more adorable picture. Taking out his Eos, he takes a few shots of Jared and the dogs sleeping. He walks over to the couch, after pulling off his shoes and shucking out of his jacket. He carefully shakes Jared’s shoulder. 

“Jay, bubby. C’mon, wake up,” he says softly. “You can’t sleep on the couch. Your back’ll kill you in the morning.” Jared moans quietly, but doesn’t open his eyes. “Jay, c’mon, time for bed.”

Jared finally blinks open his eyes. “Jen?” he mumbles.

“Yeah, it’s me. C’mon, you can’t sleep on the couch.”

Jared groans. “What time is it?”

“Almost one,” Jensen says.

“Shit, I should really get home,” Jared grumbles, pushing up from the couch and waking the dogs. 

Sadie and Harley don’t seem to mind and just make their way to the guest room and their dog beds. 

“You’re dead on your feet, Jay. Just stay here. The bed’s big enough and I promise to behave.” Jensen smiles, and pulls Jared up to his feet. “I might even have a spare toothbrush somewhere around here.”

While Jensen visits the bathroom for a piss and his nightly routine, he hears Jared rummaging in the bedroom. Maybe he should feel weird about sharing a bed with Jared, but he really doesn’t. He also knows nothing will happen.

They’re just friends. 

Walking out of the bathroom, he finds Jared nestled in bed, with the blanket pushed back on his side. Jensen grins and climbs into bed. He yawns and rolls over to his side to find a comfortable spot to fall asleep.

He’s facing Jared now and his friend looks at him through half-lidded eyes. “Good night, Jen,” he murmurs and Jensen can just refrain from brushing his fingertips over Jared’s cheek, even though it’s a close call. 

“Night, Jay.”

Jensen’s tired, but the last of the adrenaline, the alcohol and the fact that he’s sharing a bed with Jared keeps him up for a long while after he laid down. He watches Jared in the moonlight that falls through the curtain and his heart beats a little faster. Jared’s so close and yet so far away. But Jensen’s just glad to have him as a friend. 

He falls asleep with his fingertips lying barely an inch away from Jared’s arm. 

  


Jensen isn’t sure what woke him, but when he opens his eyes a smile makes its way on his face. Jared’s lying only inches away and he’s watching Jensen with intense hazel-green eyes. 

“Morning,” Jensen mumbles, before remembering that he probably has terrible morning breath. But Jared doesn’t seem to notice. 

“Morning,” he yawns. “I was really tired last night. Thanks for letting me crash here.”

“It’s fine.” Jensen’s barely awake and he’s surprised that he manages to have a coherent conversation with Jared. 

“I have to get going, class starts soon and I have to go home first.” Jensen nods sleepily. “But I’ll be back in time for movie night, okay?”

They have a movie night with Danneel, Sophia, Steve, Chris and Chad planned – Friends with Benefits - according to Danneel it’s something for both sexes. 

Jensen nods. “Okay.”

He hears Jared chuckle and then feels a soft hand ruffling his hair. “I’ll see you later.”

As soon as the bedroom door closes Jensen scoots over to the side where Jared slept last night and buries his face in the pillow. He’s asleep in seconds. 

  


Over the next few weeks, he and Jensen fall into some kind of routine Jared never had with Sandy. With Sandy’s dance classes at different hours on different days it was never that easy to have a routine with her. It was more spontaneous, like ‘Hey, let’s eat dinner at three in the afternoon because now Sandy’s here and in two hours she’ll be gone again’. 

He never minded, but now he enjoys having this routine with Jensen. He’s stayed over at Jensen’s place more nights than not and there’s even a drawer with a couple of his things in it, so he won’t have to run home after staying over, before he goes to class or the clinic. 

So, that means Jared gets up in the morning, smiles at the adorableness that is sleeping Jensen and takes a shower, before gulping down a glass of OJ and a bowl of Cheerios. He never noticed the box of Cheerios before, but then one morning it was there. 

He goes to work and Jensen texts him when he’s awake, mostly teasing him when he goes for a run with the dogs or when he has an exciting shoot to do. It’s sweet, really. More often than not Jensen’s waiting for him outside of school when he has his lunch break and they eat at the little sandwich place across campus. 

In the afternoons he works at the clinic, enjoying the contact with the patients and their owners. Mostly everything goes well, but there was this one time when they had to put down a really sick dog and Jared had been a mess.

_“What’s wrong?” Jensen asks, looking at Jared with concern in his eyes._

Jared opens his mouth, but nothing but a shaky breath comes out. Then Jensen’s there, wrapping him up in his arms and walking him over to the couch. He puts the blanket around Jared’s shoulders and runs a soothing hand through Jared’s hair. Jared leans into the soft touch and Jensen smiles. 

“How about I make you something to eat, huh? Fried chicken and veggies, okay?” Jared nods.

Jensen had made them dinner and then made it his task to make Jared laugh again, by watching all the stupid comedy shows out there and adding his own commentary. 

Jared had asked once why Jensen always cooked, because Jared could live on take-out alone and he really doesn’t want Jensen to feel obligated to cook every night. 

_Jensen grins at him and says, “Well, can’t have you getting fat, now can I?”_

Jared gasps in faked shock and throws a pillow at Jensen. What he doesn’t expect is Jensen to retaliate with his own pillow. 

“Pillow fight!” Jensen shouts and then Sadie and Harley bark loudly as if they completely agree with Jensen. 

They fight for a while, until both of them tumble down to the floor and Sadie and Harley run around them in circles, barking excitedly.

So yeah, most nights when Jared gets to Jensen’s – and sometimes he catches himself while thinking of it as home, because it feels so much more like home than his own apartment – Jensen’s cooked something for him. They hang out afterwards, Jared normally buried in his textbooks and laptop, while Jensen sorts through the photos he’s taken during the day. 

A week ago, Jensen surprised Jared with a key to his apartment and Jared had gaped a little. 

_“Jen, I…,”_

Jensen grins at him. “Just so you have it, in case I need to go out before you get h… here.”

Somehow Jared had had the feeling that Jensen wanted to say home, but then realized it and changed it to here. 

All those weeks and nothing physical had happened between them, even though sometimes Jared thinks that he might just want to kiss Jensen breathless. He also fantasizes about how Jensen would look all disheveled and debauched, with kiss-swollen-lips and lust-drunken-eyes. 

But that’s all there is, until Halloween.

  


“Oh Jen, you need a costume,” Danneel whines. “You can’t go to the party without one.”

Jensen groans and bangs his head against the wall next to his closet. “I hate Halloween, Danni. I’ll go to the party, but don’t try to put me into a costume, okay?” 

Danneel’s wearing tight white hot pants with a white low cut top and two fluffy wings. She knocked on his door an hour ago, so that they could get ready for the Halloween party, and Jensen had finally admitted that he hates Halloween and didn’t even buy a costume. 

He remembers Josh pulling this stupid prank on him when he was nine or ten and he had nightmares for weeks after it. Josh had lain in his bed with a slit throat that looked so real to Jensen and he was so freaked out that his brother was dead, that he started crying until Josh jerked up and spooked him. 

The memory might not be real, but Jensen had hated Halloween ever since that day and he still does, real or not. 

But Jared, Danni and the others had talked about this Halloween party for weeks now and Mike had even told Jensen to come or he’d be fired. Jensen thinks that Mike might be joking, but you never know with Mike. 

So, now he’s sitting on his bed, watching Danneel looking at herself in the mirror. She’s really gorgeous and would be exactly his type. Y’know, if he were into boobs.

“Spoilsport,” she says, pouting. “Let me at least do your hair. Maybe dye it blue or something.”

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Okay, only if you’ll shut up then.”

Danni grins at him. “Deal.”

The door opens when Danneel’s about to pull back the towel she wrapped around his head after dyeing his hair and Jared walks inside. He’s dressed in a skintight Superman costume and Jensen thinks for a second that his eyes will pop out of his head. 

“So, what do you think?” Jared says and Jensen swallows hard.

“Good,” he croaks and Danni looks at him, amused. “Real good.”

“Yeah, Jensen’s right. You look,” she gives Jared an once-over, “hot, I might say.”

Jared beams. “Thanks.”

“We were just about to style Jensen’s hair. Because he’s a spoilsport and won’t wear a costume,” Danneel says, pushing Jensen down onto the kitchen chair and starting to pull his hair into the right form. 

“What?” Jared asks, and he pouts just like Danneel did. “You can’t go without a costume. Mike’s going to kill you.”

“Well, Mike will just have to accept it,” Jensen says. “He should be happy that I’m even going.”

Apparently Mike and Tom’s yearly Halloween party is the one event of the year you can’t miss, according to Jared, Danneel and Sophia. Even Chad and Chris have been acting like energizer bunnies for weeks. 

When Danneel’s done, Jensen dares to look into the mirror. Thankfully it’s not so bad. His hair is a dark shade of blue – Danneel promised him that it’ll wash out in one or two tries – and Danneel’s styled it into spikes that are standing in all directions. 

“What do you think?” he turns to his friends. 

They look at him critically, before Jared nods and says, “Well, at least it’s something.” He glances at his watch. “So, we ready to go then?”

They pick up Sophia on their way down. She’s dressed as the devil; tight red hot pants, a read bustier, devil horns and a tail. Chad, Chris and Steve are waiting in front of Mike and Tom’s house; all three of them dressed as drag queens.

Inside, the house is decorated with everything creepy; there’re skeletons hanging from the walls and cobwebs all over the place. Skulls are sitting on the shelves and pumpkins, with all kinds of scary faces, greet them. Jensen shudders a little. Jared, who’s standing right next to him, looks at him with a grin on his face and a raised eyebrow. 

“What?” Jensen asks defiantly. “It’s scary.”

Jared laughs and throws his arm around Jensen’s shoulders, pulling him tight against Jared’s chest. “Stay close, I’ll protect you.”

A shiver runs down Jensen’s spine at Jared’s low and deep voice that ghosts over his neck. Just for a second he leans into Jared’s touch. He’s still pretty much head over heels for Jared, but it’s only been a little over a month since Sandy broke up with Jared and Jensen really doesn’t want to rush Jared into something. Besides, he’s not even sure Jared would want that. 

Yeah, they’ve spent pretty much every day together for the last several weeks, but that doesn’t mean Jared wants to… maybe date or something. 

  


Mike and Tom’s party is awesome, as it is every year. He’s glad that he’s been friends with Mike forever, or they wouldn’t even have been invited to the party. Back when Jared started college, it was his brother and Mike who used to throw a Halloween party at the townhouse they were sharing. Now it’s Mike and his boyfriend Tom holding up the tradition. 

The house is packed and Jared left Jensen and Danneel, when he went to the bathroom. He’s been on the hunt ever since. Chad and Chris are sitting on one of the couches, making out and Jared shakes his head fondly while he passes them. Sophia is dancing with some dude dressed as Death, with a black robe and a scythe. 

He finds Danneel in the kitchen, sharing a paper cup of ‘blood’ – which is essentially a wine cooler – with some guy, dressed as a skeleton. She waves at him and he makes his way over. 

“Hey, have you seen, Jensen?” 

Danneel giggles and shakes her head. “He’s a grown up boy. I’m sure he’s having fun.”

Jared shudders at the thought of Jensen having _fun_ with anyone else but him. He walks back into the living room and Mike intercepts him. He’s dressed as a massacre victim, with an axe in his head and a slit throat. 

“Marvel,” he shouts, wrapping his arms around Jared. “Haven’t seen you all night. Where’s your boy?”

Jared rolls his eyes. “Jensen’s not my boy.”

“And yet you knew exactly who I was talking about,” Mike grins, and pushes a beer bottle into Jared’s hand. “Drink up, bro. This is a party.”

Jared laughs and takes a sip of the beer, spitting it right out again. “That’s not beer. What the fuck is that?”

Mike cackles. “Hey, didn’t your brother and I teach you to never just drink anything someone hands you at a party?”

Jared shudders and puts the bottle down on a nearby table. That’s when he spots Jensen. He’s across the room, casually leaning against the wall with his left shoulder while he listens to some guy in a cowboy outfit. The guy says something and Jared’s heart clenches when Jensen throws his head back and laughs loudly. 

“Go, get your boy,” Mike whispers into his ear, pushing him into Jensen’s direction. 

Taking a shaky breath, Jared makes his way over to them. What if Jensen really likes the guy? What if he’ll be mad at Jared for ruining his game or whatever? But Jared feels sick at the thought that Jensen might go home with someone other than Jared. So, maybe it’s time to just take what he wants.

He comes up next to Jensen and puts an arm around his shoulder, pulling him against his chest. “Hey, there you are.”

Jensen turns and grins at him. “Where have you been all this time?”

Jared doesn’t say anything, just stares at the guy Jensen’s been talking to. The guy slowly raises his hands and says, “Sorry, didn’t know he was here with someone.”

“Well, he is,” Jared says, pulling Jensen a little closer.

The guy shrugs and then he’s gone. Jensen’s looking at him funny and then his look changes to something soft, hopeful. 

“I didn’t know I was here with someone,” Jensen says slowly, looking right at Jared. 

He pushes Jensen back against the wall, trapping him there with his arms, one hand on the wall next to Jensen’s face and one on his hip. He rubs his thumb over the spot where he can feel Jensen’s hipbone beneath his t-shirt. 

“Maybe I wish you were,” he answers a little breathlessly. 

“Yeah?” Jensen breathes, sucking on his bottom lip. 

Instead of an answer Jared leans down, cupping Jensen’s jaw with one hand and holding him in place. He presses his lips to Jensen’s in a dry kiss and when he pulls back, Jensen chases him, putting his arms around Jared’s neck and pulling him in for another kiss. 

This time Jensen opens his mouth and Jared pushes his tongue inside, tasting sweet and sour. He licks and sucks until he only tastes Jensen. It’s making him dizzy, and he pulls back to take a ragged breath. 

Jensen’s lips are kiss-swollen and he’s looking at Jared through half-lidded eyes blown with lust. Jared runs his thumb over Jensen’s bottom lip. 

“You’re so gorgeous,” he breathes. 

“Jay…” Jensen’s breath comes out ragged. 

Before Jensen can say anything else, Jared leans down again and kisses him softly. Kissing Jensen is like an epiphany. It’s like he can finally see everything that he’s ever wanted – and that’s Jensen. 


	11. Something Real 10/15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen has it all; a great job, a loving boyfriend, an amazing family. Then he wakes up to find out that it’s all been a dream.

  


Jared’s lips are soft and he tastes of beer and the candy Jensen saw lying around. He melts into the kiss, letting Jared take the lead. Jensen’s head is spinning. 

This is his first kiss ever. 

He’s never been kissed before, not in real life and as far as Jensen can tell, the kisses in his dreams don’t compare in the slightest. This kiss is real and it feels amazing. His heart is beating a mile a minute in his chest and his legs feel like jelly. Right now he’s sure the only thing that’s keeping him up is Jared’s arms wrapped tightly around his body. 

Oh shit, he’s kissing Jared. 

His hands find their way into Jared’s hair. He curls his fingers around soft strands, holding on for dear life, because honestly, if Jared doesn’t stop soon he’ll come in his pants. He feels a little like being fifteen years old and in love for the first time.

Jensen’s in love. It doesn’t matter that he didn’t want to fall for Jared, it just happened and there was nothing Jensen could have done about it. So he just let it happen. He never thought that Jared would like him back this way. The past few weeks, there was no indication that Jared was even in the slightest way interested. 

But Jensen’s not complaining, especially not when Jared’s sucking on his tongue as if it were something else. A shudder runs through his body and he brings one of his hands to Jared’s hips, pulling him closer. They’re both hard. Jensen can feel Jared’s cock against his hip, hard and thick and holy shit he wants to touch it. Here is just really not the right time.

Jared seems to think so too, because he pulls back and when he asks ‘You wanna get out of here?’ his voice is rough and raw. Jensen nods. 

They don’t say goodbye to their friends, just rush out the door and because taking the subway would definitely take too long, Jared calls the next free cab over to them. The driver gives them an amused look, but doesn’t say anything. 

As soon as they pull out onto the street again, Jared puts his hand against Jensen’s neck, gently guiding him into another kiss. God, he can’t get enough of Jared. He wants him, he needs him and slowly he realizes that this might go in a direction he hadn’t expected. 

He hasn’t thought about what would happen if Jared ever kissed him, what if he ever wanted sex. This is going so fast that Jensen’s head is spinning and he needs to stop, needs to breathe, because there’s something Jared should know before they do this, before something more happens between them. 

The cab stops in front of Jensen’s apartment building and Jared pays the fare, while Jensen makes his way to the front door to unlock it. He walks up the stairs and hears Jared behind him calling his name. Jensen gets to his apartment door just as Jared catches up with him, crowding him against the doorframe. 

“God, you’re so damn beautiful,” Jared whispers, before leaning down and capturing Jensen’s mouth in a gentle kiss again. 

Jensen moans softly, torn apart by the want Jared’s inflicting inside him and the need to do the right thing. “Jay,” he whispers, when Jared pulls back to pepper soft kisses down his neck. “We… there’s something I need to tell you.”

Jared pulls away and his look is serious. “Now?”

Jensen huffs out a laugh. “Yeah, now.” Jared nods and takes a step back, so Jensen’s able to open the apartment door. 

He flips on the lights. “You want a beer?” he asks and Jared shakes his head. 

“Naw, I’m good, thanks.” Jared says, kicking off his shoes and falling to the couch. “Damn, it’s silent without the dogs.”

Jensen smiles softly. “Yeah, it feels weird.” He sits down next to Jared, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “I don’t really know where to start.”

Jared gives him a small smile. “This sounds serious. Why don’t you start with the easiest thing?”

Jensen snorts. As if there’s anything easy about saying this. He sighs. “I’m a virgin.” Jared frowns. “And the kiss at the party?” He looks at Jared and gives him a sad smile. “That was the first real kiss of my life.”

“What?” Jared asks. “But what about Logan?”

“Logan isn’t real,” Jensen says and he feels the lump in his throat getting bigger and bigger. “Neither are my parents or anything else in my past life, except for Jeff. He’s real.”

“Jensen, what the hell are you talking about?” Jared shakes his head. “I don’t get it.”

“When I was three months old, someone – I’m guessing my parents – gave me away to a government facility for an experiment. A dream experiment. They put me in a trance-like state and tested my brain, all while I was dreaming of a real life.”

“What? That’s insane,” Jared says. “How did that even work?”

“I think Jeff could give you a little more detail about that. I know that everything I experienced and thought was real wasn’t. My mom, my dad, Logan, the job I had as freelance photographer, everything was all a figment of my imagination – a dream.”

“But how did you learn to do all the things you do?”

“The subconscious is a tricky thing. I’ve learned all the things I know through my subconscious. Kripke – that’s the guy who runs the experiment – even made it so that I’d get a high school diploma. The brain is an amazing thing, I guess.”

Jared shakes his head. “But… you said Logan looked kinda like me. How’s that possible?”

“Logan looked exactly like you. That’s why I freaked out when I first saw you. I thought you were him,” Jensen explains. “Y’know, the last time I saw Logan he told me that we were soul mates and that we would find each other no matter what.”

Jared jerks his head around. “Is this what this is about? You trying to get back your ‘dream life’? I’m not Logan.”

“I know, Jay. I know.”

“And I can’t be him, Jensen. I can’t be someone you made out to be your soul mate in your head.” Jared shakes his head frantically. “I gotta go. I…”

“Jared, no,” Jensen begs softly. “Stay, please. Let’s talk about this. I know you’re not Logan.”

“I’m sorry,” Jared says, pulling on his shoes. “I can’t.”

As soon as the apartment door closes, Jensen slams his fist against the wall, leaving a dent. “Fuck!”

This really didn’t go the way it was supposed to go. Jared wasn’t supposed to run out on him, he was supposed to stay and tell Jensen that it doesn’t matter what Jensen dreamt about, because now they are together and this is real. 

He fumbles with his cell phone and presses speed dial. A second later, he hears it ring. It takes Jeff a long time to answer and when finally does he sounds sleepy. 

“I told him and he ran out on me,” is the first thing Jensen says. 

“Jensen?” Jeff asks, sounding barely awake. “What are you talking about?”

“Jared. I told him, told him everything and he just left.” Jensen’s pacing. “At the party, he kissed me and we got carried away a little. So, I thought I should tell him and I did and he left.”

“Jen,” Jeff sighs. “He probably needs time to think.”

“He thinks I only kissed him back because he looks like Logan and that I want the guy from my ‘dream life’ back.”

“Well, do you?”

“No!” Jensen says indignant. “Of course not.” He huffs out a laugh. “Jared’s not Logan, I know that. He’s different. Yeah, okay, he’s loving and caring and loyal, just like Logan. But that’s not what made me fall in love with him.”

“You’re in love with Jared?” Jeff asks, surprised. 

“Yeah,” Jensen says slowly, hoping, wishing that Jeff understands that Jared’s not some kind of substitute. “Listen, Jeff. I love him because he’s Jared, because he’s open and funny and touchy-feely. I love that he has comics buried beneath is bed and blushes when you ask him about them. I love the way his tongue sticks out when he concentrates on something.”

Jeff chuckles. “You should really tell him that, don’t you think?” 

“How? He won’t listen to me,” Jensen sighs. “I think I’ve lost him.”

“Whoa, hold on, Jen. You haven’t lost him. Give the boy some credit here. I know he cares about you and maybe he needs some time, but then I’m sure he’ll come around.”

“I can’t lose him too, Jeff.” Jensen sighs. “He’s what makes life worth living.”

“He’ll come around, Jen.” Jeff’s voice is strong and sure and Jensen desperately wants to believe him. 

“I really hope you’re right.”

  


It’s the first night in a long time that Jared stays at his apartment alone and it does nothing to settle his mind. Jensen dreamt about some guy that looks like him and now Jensen wants Jared to be that person. He can’t. He’s not Logan, he can’t be Logan. 

The whole story is insane. Who’d give their baby away for an experiment? How heartless can you be? Maybe it was the money. God. Jared rubs a hand over his face. It must have been horrible when Jensen first woke up. How do you deal with finding out your whole life has been a dream? 

His heart hurts with the thought that Jensen woke up all alone in some anonymous facility. He wishes he could have been there, could have made it better. But then he thinks that if Jensen had seen him shortly after waking up he would have only wanted Jared to be like Logan even more. 

When the sun comes up at the horizon, he picks up his keys and wallet and walks to Chad and Chris’ apartment. He knows they’ve probably only just gone to bed, but he really needs to talk to someone. Knocking loudly, he hears Chris swear inside and a second later the door is jerked open. 

“Jared?” Chris asks, confused. “Dude, what are you doing here? It’s seven in the morning and we just got back from Mike’s party.”

“I need to talk to Chad.”

Chris looks at him and there has to be something written on his face telling Chris that this is not up for discussion. He nods. “Yeah, come in. You want some coffee?”

Jared nods and walks into the living room, finding Chad on the couch. “Jay?” he asks surprised. “What’s going on? What’re you doing here, man?”

“I kissed Jensen.”

Chad raises his eyebrow and pumps his fist in the air. “Whoohoo. But shouldn’t you be with Jensen then, instead of keeping me from my beauty sleep?”

“I think he only kissed me back because he thinks I’m Logan.”

The grin on Chad’s face falls away. “Why would you think that?”

Jared sighs and grabs the coffee mug Chris hands him. “Because he thinks Logan is his soul mate.”

“What does Jensen say to that?” Chris asks, sipping his own coffee. 

Jared looks at the floor, feeling guilty for running out on Jensen. “I don’t know. I just left when he told me.”

“Jay, man,” Chad lets out a deep breath. “Don’t you think you should talk to Jensen? I mean, it’s pretty clear that you’re head over heels for him and he seems pretty gone too. So… just talk to him.” 

“I can’t be Logan,” Jared says. “I just can’t and I don’t want to share Jensen with some ghost from his past.”

“We know you’re not Logan,” Chris says. “But Jensen loved Logan and there’ll always be a part of him that loves that guy, that doesn’t mean he can’t love you too, though. You just have to give him a chance to do that.”

Jared sips on his coffee. “My head is so scrambled right now. I don’t know what’s going on. I just think I need some time to figure it all out.”

“Well, you do that, Jay,” Chad says. “You know we have your back, right? You wanna sleep in the guest room?”

  


It’s been over a week since he last saw Jensen and he feels like he’s missing a limb. He’s been crashing in Chad and Chris’ guestroom most of the time, because he just can’t stand being alone in his apartment. There’s a hole in his heart where Jensen used to be and Jared knows there’s only one way to mend it – talk to Jensen. 

But he’s too chicken shit to do it, because he doesn’t know what the outcome will be. If anything the last week has showed Jared is that he needs Jensen in his life, no matter in what way. He just needs him. 

Jared walks out of the classroom, pushing his bag over his shoulder and making his way across campus. He only sees Jeff at the last possible minute, leaning against a black truck with his arms crossed over his chest. Jared sighs and makes his way over to him. 

“Hey,” he says quietly. 

“Hey,” Jeff answers. “So, I know that Jensen normally has lunch with you around this time. You up for a sandwich?”

Jared nods. “Sure.”

They make their way to the small sandwich place where he and Jensen used to have lunch, and order their sandwiches. Jeff is silent for a long time and Jared really doesn’t know what to say to him, either. 

“It wasn’t easy, y’know,” Jeff says suddenly. “After he woke up, telling him that all he’s ever known from life was a dream. It broke my heart. But somehow – and please don’t ask me how, because I really don’t know – we made it. He moved in with me and after a really hard few weeks, I got him his camera and he finally seemed to start living again.” Jeff chuckles a little at the memory. “Then we moved here and he met you.”

Jared lifts his head from where he’s been playing with the label on his soda bottle. Jeff meets his eyes and there’s something there that Jared can’t quite interpret. 

“Y’know, when he first told me that you looked like Logan I thought it would break him. It didn’t. You know why?” Jared shakes his head slowly. “Because of you.” Jared raises his eyebrows in surprise. “I’ve never seen him as relaxed as he is when he is with you. He’s happy when he’s around you.”

“Because he thinks I’m Logan,” Jared says and he can’t keep the bitterness away. 

“No,” Jeff shakes his head. “Because he loves you. He knows you’re not Logan. Of course you have some things in common, like the looks, but there’re enough differences for Jensen to know without a doubt that you’re not Logan, and he still fell in love with you.”

“He told me that he and Logan are soul mates,” Jared says and his heart aches. He wants to be Jensen’s soul mate… the one made for Jensen. 

“You know, soul mates are a tricky thing. You never know when you meet yours or even if you meet yours.” Jeff leans back in his seat. “Jensen dreamt about his and even if it felt real, it wasn’t. So who says Logan’s really Jensen’s soul mate? Maybe the fact that he dreamt of a guy that looks just like you is a sign.” He lets out a deep breath. “Talk to Jensen. I can see you’re miserable without him.” He puts money on the table. “My treat. See you, Jared.”

Jared stays seated in his chair for a long time, trying to wrap his head around the things Jeff’s said. He wishes that Jeff’s right; he wishes it was a sign that Jensen dreamt about his look-a-like twin. But he can’t be sure. He really wants to talk to Jensen, though. He needs to hear his voice. 

The afternoon at the clinic is one of the slowest afternoons they’ve had in a while and Dr. Beaver sends him home two hours before his shift ends. But instead of going to his own empty apartment, he walks aimlessly through the city. He knows he’s stalling and finally, when the sun is slowly setting he makes his way to Jensen’s apartment. 

He knocks and a second later, Jensen pulls the door open. “You’re too early, Danni,” he says, stopping only when he realizes that it’s Jared standing in the hallway. He’s dressed in black pants and a light green button-down shirt, with his hair styled into spikes. 

“Hi,” Jared says, sheepishly. “Is this a bad time?” And he wants Jensen to say ‘no’, because he really, really needs to spend some time with him. 

Jensen shakes his head a little. “Danni has organized this show at the gallery and I promised to go with her. But she won’t be here for another thirty minutes or so. So, if you wanna come in?”

Jared nods. “Yeah, thanks.” He looks around. “Where’re the kids?”

“Jeff picked them up half-an-hour ago,” Jensen says, pushing his hands in his pants’ pockets and looking somewhere over Jared’s shoulder. He seems uncomfortable and it reminds Jared of the first time they spoke to each other. It hurts to know that he’s the reason Jensen’s acting like this. “They miss you.”

Jared nods slowly. “I miss them too.” He takes a deep breath. “And I miss you, Jen. So much.” Jensen jerks his head so that he’s directly looking at Jared. “I’m scared,” Jared says. “I’m scared that one day you’ll realize that I’m not the one you wanna be with. Because I’m not Logan.”

“I know,” Jensen says. “I always knew that. Y’know, he was always a little distant, holding something back. I don’t know why – probably my freaky subconscious telling me that this wasn’t real – but you, you’re always giving all of yourself, Jay. No matter what you do. I love that you can put a smile on everybody’s face in a matter of seconds. I love that you’re so open and have no real understanding of personal space. Y’know what I love the most?” Jared shakes his head, his heart beating frantically in his chest. “I love that smile you give me when it’s just us. It makes me feel like I’m the most important person in your world.”

“You are,” Jared croaks. “You are. That’s why I’m scared. I can’t do this and think that you might not really want _me_.”

Jensen nods. “I know. But you have to trust me when I tell you that I know that you’re not Logan, and I only fell in love with you because you swept me completely off my feet. I think maybe it was a sign that I dreamt of someone that look just like you. Maybe it was my subconscious telling me what to look for.”

Jared can’t stand the distance between them any longer and strides over to where Jensen’s standing. He cups his face gently and lifts his head. Jensen’s looking at him and there’s nothing but love in his eyes. A warm shiver runs down Jared’s spine when he leans down to brush his lips against Jensen’s. 

“Go out with me,” Jared whispers against Jensen’s lips. 

Jensen nods. “Okay.”

There’s a knock on the door that pulls them apart and Jensen gives him a small apologetic smile. “That’s Danni.”

Jared nods. “I have to study a little anyway. So, I’ll just go home. But I’ll pick you up tomorrow night at six, okay?”

Jensen nods again. “Okay.”

Jared leans down and presses another kiss to Jensen’s soft lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He opens the door just as Danneel goes to knock a second time. She stares at him in wonder. “Hi, Danni. Bye, Danni.” He shoots Jensen a look over his shoulder and grins when he sees Jensen smile at him. 

He bounces down the stairs and gives himself a little fist pump. Life is good again… and he has a date with Jensen Ackles!


	12. Something Real 11/15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen has it all; a great job, a loving boyfriend, an amazing family. Then he wakes up to find out that it’s all been a dream.

  


</p>

“This is stupid,” Jensen mumbles. “Maybe I should just call Jared and tell him…”

“What?” Danneel asks, amused. She’s lying on his bed, next to a pile of clothes Jensen threw there. “You wanna tell him that you can’t go out with him, because you’ve got nothing to wear?”

Jensen shrugs his shoulders and drops on the bed right next to her. “I feel like a fifteen-year-old girl on her first date. I mean it’s Jared. We’re already friends, right? So, it shouldn’t be a big deal to go on a date with him.”

Danneel smiles softly. “But that’s just it… you’re already friends and if you two fuck this up, going back to just being friends will be damn hard.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Jensen grumbles. “I just… I really want it to work out, y’know. He’s Jared and I can’t… it just has to work out.”

“It will.” Danneel is looking at him earnestly. “You two are made for each other. I didn’t want to see it, because he was with one of my friends back then. But Sandy was right.”

Jensen frowns. “What do you mean Sandy was right?”

“She knew,” Danneel sighs. “She knew before any of us even really thought about it. That’s why she left.”

“But she asked him to marry her,” Jensen says, at a loss of what else to say.

“It was kinda the last resort.” Danneel runs a hand through her hair. “Let’s not talk about this any longer. We need to find you an outfit that makes Jared’s mouth water.”

She rummages through the discarded clothes on the bed and in the end she settles on a light blue button-down shirt and jeans. “Here, try this.”

Jensen changes into the clothes and when he looks himself up and down in the mirror, he agrees with Danneel – it doesn’t look so bad. 

“I guess this’ll work.”

Danneel nods and grins. “Yeah. Jared’ll probably want to jump you the minute he walks into the apartment.”

Jensen blushes a little at the thought of Jared jumping him, pushing hands beneath clothes and claiming Jensen’s mouth. 

“Man, you really need to get laid,” Danneel laughs. “Try not to pop a boner wherever Jared’s gonna take you.”

Jensen huffs out a laugh and rolls his eyes at Danneel. “I’m sure I can restrain myself, Danni.”

“Depends on what Jared’s wearing,” she retorts and winks at him. “Because honestly? You two together are too hot to even be legal. I guess there should be a law against two hot guys like you hooking up. I mean, there’re a lot of girls going to combust watching you two going out tonight.”

“Y’know, flattery will get you everywhere, Danni,” Jensen says and grins. “Keep talking.”

Danneel laughs. “Naw, your head is already too big.”

There’s a knock on the door and Jensen looks at his watch, realizing that it’s already almost six. “I guess that’s Jared. You’ll be okay watching the pups tonight?”

Danneel rolls her eyes. “Soph and I will be fine. Or did you hear her scream for help already?” 

Sophia had offered to take the dogs down to her and Danneel’s apartment earlier, so that Jensen could get ready without Sadie and Harley running around between his feet. 

Jensen sighs. “I’ll pick them up when we get back.” There’s another knock on the door and Jensen makes his way towards it. 

“It’s okay, Jen. You and Jared have fun; Soph and I are going to take care of the pups.”

Opening the door, he finds Jared standing in the hallway, rocking back and forth on his heels. He’s beaming at Jensen and Jensen feels his cheeks heat up when Jared lets his eyes roam over his body. Jared doesn’t look so bad himself, with tight jeans and a black button-down that’s stretching across his shoulders. 

“Okay, I’m outta here,” Danneel says, pushing past them. “Have fun you two.”

They both wave after her. “Hi,” Jensen says, when Danneel had disappeared downstairs. “You wanna come in?”

Jared nods. “Yeah, thanks.” His hands are pushed into his pants pockets and he seems to not know what to say. “So, how was your day?”

Jared sounds unsure and his voice is shaking a little. Jensen watches him for a long moment and then he starts to laugh, because this is ridiculous. They’re still them; they’re still friends. 

“What’s so funny?” Jared asks and Jensen laughs even more. 

“Us. This,” he grits out between two laughs. When he calms down a little, he adds, “We’re acting like teenagers on their first date. I mean we’re friends, right? So, this should be easy.”

Jared smiles a little. “Yeah, you’re probably right. It is kinda funny. So, how about we get outta here?”

Jared had reserved a table at a small Italian restaurant that Mike recommended. It’s rustic, with red and white tablecloths over wooden tables and pictures of the Italian landscape hanging on the walls. Jensen looks around curiously and decides that he really likes the homey feel. 

Their table is in the back and a little hidden beneath a stone wall. It gives them enough privacy for Jensen to feel like they’re alone. 

“It’s nice,” he says and Jared nods. 

“Yeah. It kinda surprises me, because Mike recommended it. But then again, he and Tom had their first date here and they’re still together. So…”

Jensen chuckles. “I guess Mike must have done something right, then.”

“I guess he did,” Jared agrees and laughs. “I never thought it would work when Mike first introduced Tom. But I guess they balance each other out.”

The waiter comes and they order their food. Jensen decides on a seafood platter, while Jared’s having the beef filet rolled in herbs with tagliatelle and shaved Parmesan. While they wait for their food to arrive, they talk about their day. Jared’s mostly consisted of studying for mid-terms and giving shots at the hospital, while Jensen had been out taking photos for Mike’s new series ‘Places to see in San Francisco’. 

Their food comes and it smells delicious. They both eat in silence, except for the occasional ‘hmms’. Jared lets Jensen taste his filet and when their eyes meet over the fork Jared pushes into Jensen’s mouth, Jared blushes slightly and Jensen thinks it’s the most adorable thing in the world. 

They have Tiramisu for dessert and Jensen’s stuffed when they finally lean back in their chairs.

“Man, I’m full,” Jared says, rubbing a hand over his belly. “But it was so good.”

Jensen grins. “Yeah. I guess you’ll have to thank Mike for the recommendation.”

“Damn,” Jared says, hiding a grin. “I think I’ll have to.” He smiles softly at Jensen. “You wanna get out of here?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Jared pays the bill and then they’re strolling along the streets of San Francisco by night. It’s cold, but there’s no rain and Jensen walks a little closer to Jared to get a little more body heat to keep him warm. Jared knows exactly what he’s doing, because he wraps his arm around Jensen’s shoulders, pulling him closer. 

“Better?” he asks and it’s so quiet that Jensen thinks he might not have heard it if Jared hadn’t been so close. He nods and smiles at Jared.

“Yeah, thanks.”

They wander the streets in comfortable silence and a happy smile forms on Jensen’s face. This is right, this feels right.

“Y’know what?” he asks quietly and Jared stops and looks at him curiously. “I think I’m glad they woke me up.”

Jared seems a little stunned by the admission at first, but then he beams at Jensen and says, “Yeah, me too.”

They return to Jensen’s apartment a little later, because it’s too cold to walk around outside any longer and they’re not really in the mood to go to a bar or something. Jensen walks into the kitchen to get them something to drink, while Jared zaps through the channels to find them something to watch. 

A little later, Jensen drops to the couch next to Jared and hands him a mug. 

“Hot chocolate?” Jared asks and Jensen nods. 

“Yeah, I thought we could use something to warm us up.”

“Dude, I haven’t had hot chocolate since I moved away from Texas,” Jared says and takes a careful sip of the hot liquid, moaning loudly. “This is awesome.”

Jensen grins. “Jeff used to make it for us in Washington. It was little bit of comfort in a really confusing world.”

Jared nods seriously. “Must have been really hard. I mean, I can’t imagine waking up to find out everything was a dream. It’s,” he shudders, “scary.”

Jensen huffs out a laugh. “Believe me, it was scary. Took me a long time to wrap my head around it.” He shakes his head slowly. “Danni and Jeff helped a lot.”

“Does she know? Danni, I mean,” Jared asks and there’s something that Jensen thinks might be sadness in his eyes. 

“No,” Jensen shakes his head. “You and Jeff are the only ones that know. I thought about telling her, but there was never a right time.”

“Well, I’m glad you told me,” Jared says then. “And I’m sorry I freaked out. I just… I really like you and I mean _really_ like you. So, I guess it was kinda hard to hear you talk about someone else as your soul mate. I felt like I hadn’t really got a chance, y’know.”

Jensen smiles softly and pushes a strand of Jared’s hair back behind his ear, brushing his fingertips over the soft skin at his temple. “It’s okay. I get it. I probably would feel the same if I were in your shoes. But Jay, believe me when I tell you that everything feels more real with you, especially the kissing.”

Jared grins a little. “Oh yeah? You wanna find out what else feels real?”

“Yeah,” Jensen nods. “I really do.”

Their lips meet in a sweet kiss that soon turns heated. Jared pushes his tongue inside, cupping Jensen’s head between his hands, while he lowers them down on the couch. Jared tastes of hot chocolate and something that’s entirely Jared. It makes Jensen’s head spin again and he feels his dick growing hard in his pants. 

Jared’s lying above him, grinding his hips against Jensen’s and Jensen just lets him do whatever he wants, because it’s too much and not enough at the same time. He bucks his hips, searching for friction that’ll make this so much better. Jared’s hands are pushing beneath his shirt and Jensen’s eyes roll into the back of his head because it feels so good. 

Their cocks are brushing against each other through the layers of fabric and Jensen wonders what it would feel like if there was nothing separating them. His hands start fumbling with the buttons on Jared’s shirt but it doesn’t seem to be opening fast enough, because Jared sits up and pulls the shirt over his head and then he pulls Jensen’s off as well. 

Jensen’s eyes stare at the exposed tanned skin and Jared takes his hand, pressing it against his chest. “You can touch me, y’know,” he whispers and Jensen nods slowly, before letting his fingers skim over smooth skin. 

He traces the lines of muscles and rubs his fingers over his nipples, hearing Jared gasp. When he looks up, he finds Jared looking at him with lust blown eyes and he feels heat pool in his belly at the pure want he sees there. Jared leans down, capturing his mouth in another heated kiss and Jensen moans, arching his back into Jared’s touch. 

Their hips are rutting frantically against each other and Jensen feels his orgasm building in his toes. He won’t last long, Jared seems to know that too, because he rubs against Jensen harder and then Jensen’s coming, creaming his pants. His head falls back and he’s panting, feeling Jared rub Jensen’s cock through his pants. 

It takes him a while before he comes to again and then he finds Jared kneeling above him, with his dick pulled out of his pants and he’s jerking himself off. Jensen’s dick twitches at the sight and he reaches out tentatively, wrapping his fingers around Jared’s on his cock. Jared looks down at him, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth and then he comes, shooting white strands across their hands and Jensen’s belly. 

Jensen jerks Jared through it and when he falls down onto Jensen’s chest, Jensen pushes his other hand into his hair, gently combing through it. 

“Wow,” he whispers when he thinks he’s found his voice again. “That was…”

Jared looks up at him with a sated smile on his face. “Yeah, it really was.” He sighs and presses a kiss to Jensen’s collarbone. “We need to clean up, though.”

“Uh-huh,” Jensen agrees sleepily. “And moving to the bed wouldn’t be bad either.”

Eventually, they push off the couch and clean up before falling onto Jensen’s bed, pushing the discarded clothes to the floor. Jared snuggles close to Jensen’s back, wrapping his arms around Jensen’s body. That’s how Jensen falls asleep; warm, safe and sated. 

  


The alarm clock goes off way too early, but Jared knows he needs to get going if he wants to get to class in time. He presses a kiss to Jensen’s shoulder blade. 

“I’ll see you tonight.”

Jensen mumbles something unintelligible and buries himself deeper under the covers. Jared smiles fondly and runs a hand through Jensen’s hair one last time, before walking into the bathroom and taking a shower. 

On his way out, he stops at Sophia and Danneel’s apartment, giving Sadie and Harley a treat and a promise to take them for a long walk this weekend. He ignores the questioning looks the girls are throwing him and laughs when they start cursing him because he doesn’t tell them anything. 

His anatomy class needs all his attention, so he pushes Jensen to the back of his mind, fully intending to re-run yesterday’s date at a later hour. His free period is spent at the library studying for mid-terms and it’s after noon before he finally gets the chance to text Jensen. 

_‘Good morning, sleepyhead. Thanks for the great date yesterday.’_

_‘I missed you when I woke up.’_ Is Jensen’s reply that comes a couple of minutes later. 

A small smile appears on Jared’s face and he sighs. _‘I’ll be there in a few hours.’_ he texts back. 

_‘I can’t wait. <3’_

The heart at the end of the text makes Jared’s heart swell and for the next few hours there’s a stupid grin on his face. Katie and Dr. Beaver are watching him with curious eyes, but they don’t ask and Jared doesn’t tell. He kinda wants to keep Jensen to himself for a little more time. 

He’s on his way to Jensen’s when his cell rings. Pulling it out, he grins when he sees the caller ID. “Hey, Mom.”

“Well, well, so you still know who I am,” she teases. 

Jared cringes. “Sorry, about that. I’ve been really busy the last few weeks.”

His mom laughs softly. “I know, honey. You don’t have to apologize. I just wanted to make sure you booked your flight for Thanksgiving.”

“I did,” Jared says slowly. He doesn’t really want to think about leaving Jensen alone for a couple of days. “I’ll email you the details.”

“Good,” she says. “So, have you heard from Sandy?”

He had told her that Sandy had moved to New York and that they’d broke up a few days after it had happened, it doesn’t keep her from asking about Sandy.

“Mom,” he sighs. “It’s over. We haven’t talked since she moved away. But I’m sure she’s fine.”

His mom is silent for a while. “Maybe if you’d just talk, you could fix it.”

“No, Mom.” Jared lets out a deep breath. “Sandy and I haven’t been more than friends for a long time. Besides,” he adds, “there’s someone else.”

“Oh,” his mom says. “You didn’t say there was someone else.”

“Well, it’s happened pretty recently,” Jared says slowly. 

“How is she?” his mom asks. “Is she nice? What does she do?”

“Well, first of all it’s a ‘he’, Mom. His name’s Jensen and he moved here from Washington this summer.” It’s silent at the end of the line and Jared feels his heart sink. She knew that he was bi, but maybe she had hoped that it was only a phase. “Mom?” he asks quietly. “Mom, you there?”

“What?” she says and she sounds distressed. “Yeah, sure. Sorry, I kinda blanked out for a sec. So, Jensen, huh? Is he nice?”

Jared chuckles a little, but there’s still this uneasy feeling in his gut that his mom might not be okay with this. 

“He’s great, Mom. You’d like him. He’s funny and gorgeous. He’s a photographer.”

“It sounds like he’s already wrapped you around his finger,” she says, amused. “How about you bring him with you for Thanksgiving?”

“Mom,” Jared sighs. “We’ve only been together for a short while. Besides, I’m sure Jensen’s spending Thanksgiving with someone already.”

“Oh, of course,” his mom says. “It really is a bit short notice. But we’re coming up on Christmas, so you can introduce us then.”

Jared cringes. He’s not sure how Jensen will react to meeting his parents. “Yeah, sure.”

“Good. Well, I’ll see you in a couple of weeks, honey.”

“Okay, Mom. Tell Dad I said ‘hi’.”

They say goodbye just as Jared comes to a stop in front of Jensen’s apartment door. He turns the key Jensen gave him in his hands, not knowing if he’s still allowed to use it. But then he can’t wait to see Jensen, so he pushes the key into the lock and opens the door. 

“Honey, I’m home,” he calls out, not being able to help himself. 

“Well darlin’, how was your day?” comes Jensen’s reply from the kitchen and Jared makes his way over, almost stumbling over Sadie and Harley, who come running when they hear his voice. He kneels down and pets the dogs, rubbing behind their ears and letting them lick his hands.

When Sadie and Harley seem to have had enough of Jared’s attention, Jared stands up and makes his way to Jensen, wrapping his arms around his body, pulling him back against Jared’s chest and pressing a soft kiss to his nape. 

Jensen chuckles a little, leaning into Jared’s touch for a second before going back to the pot on the stove. 

“What’re you making?” Jared asks, looking over Jensen’s shoulder. 

“Spaghetti with tomato sauce.”

“Hmm,” Jared moans, stealing the spoon out of Jensen’s hand and dipping it into the sauce. He tastes it and moans. “This is awesome. How did you learn to cook like this?”

Jensen laughs. “Jeff says some of the nurses left on cook shows on TV.”

Jared’s heart clenches and he drops the spoon into the pot. He’ll never get used to Jensen growing up like that, confined in a government facility. 

“Hey,” Jensen says and nudges him. “I’m fine. Don’t think about it any longer, okay?”

Jared nods. “Yeah, okay. It’s just… I wish it hadn’t have happened to you.”

Jensen sighs and leans his forehead against Jared’s chest. When he looks up again, his eyes are full of love. “I probably wouldn’t be here, then. This is me and that’s my past, Jay. I’ve come to realize that I can’t change what happened, and I’m finally okay with that, Jared. I mean, I met you, right?”

“Yeah,” Jared breathes, leaning down to kiss Jensen softly. When he pulls back, Jensen turns to his tomato sauce again. “So, my mom called. She wants to meet you.”

“She does?” Jensen asks and raises his eyebrows. “I didn’t know you told her about me.”

“I did today,” Jared says, hopping onto the counter. “She called asking about Sandy, so I told her that there’s someone else. I mean I told her all about my friend Jen before, but I guess she didn’t really remember. She asked if you wanted to come down to have Thanksgiving with us. I told her you have plans already.”

Jensen nods. “Sam invited me to Thanksgiving dinner. But you said your parents come up for Christmas, right? So I’ll just meet them then.”

Jared smiles. “Okay.” He’s glad that Jensen’s taking this so easily. He had somehow expected Jensen to freak out about meeting his family, but he’s glad that Jensen’s hasn’t. 

“Dinner is almost ready. Can you set the table?” Jensen asks and Jared nods. 

“Sure thing.” He jumps off the counter and drops a kiss to Jensen’s head. “I could get used to this,” he says softly and Jensen turns around, smiling slightly. 

“Me too.”

There’s a stupid smile on Jared’s face the whole evening and Jensen just watches him with a fond look that sends shivers down Jared’s spine. 

Yeah, he could definitely get used to this. 


	13. Something Real 12/15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen has it all; a great job, a loving boyfriend, an amazing family. Then he wakes up to find out that it’s all been a dream.

  


The cold morning air is burning in Jared’s lungs while he hears the gravel beneath his feet crunch. Sadie and Harley are running next to him, their breaths foggy in the late November air. Their morning run has turned into a kind of routine in the last week or two and Jared smiles at the burning feeling in his muscles. 

When he was still living in San Antonio he loved to go running before school, and even when he first moved to San Francisco he kept up his early morning routine. But then somehow life took over and the runs where the one thing Jared could cut out of his life without feeling guilty. 

Now with the dogs, Jared finally has an excuse to get up early in the morning and go for a run. It’s the best way to get his day started and he hadn’t realized how much he’d missed it. 

After an hour around Golden Gate Park, they make their way back to Jensen’s apartment building. Jared stretches his body for a little while before jogging upstairs, taking two steps at a time. Sadie and Harley rush towards their water bowls as soon as Jared unlocks the front door of the apartment. He grins and follows them into the kitchen. 

Grabbing a water bottle out of the fridge, he notices that the coffeemaker is running. So, Jensen’s already awake. Jared takes a sip from the bottle and ruffles the dogs’ fur before walking over to Jensen’s bedroom. 

The room is empty but Jared can hear the distinct sound of a shower running. Pushing open the door to the bathroom, damp fog hits Jared and he smirks when he sees Jensen’s silhouette behind the glass shower stall wall. 

He strips out of his sweaty clothes and pulls open the shower door. Jensen jumps a little when he notices Jared stepping into the shower with him but then he smiles appreciatively, letting his eyes roam over Jared’s naked body. 

“Like what you see?” Jared asks teasingly, wrapping his arms around Jensen’s body and stepping under the spray with him. 

“Absolutely,” Jensen says, pushing up onto his toes to press a wet kiss to the corner of Jared’s mouth. 

“Hmm,” Jared moans, his hands running over Jensen’s wet skin. “So good.” 

The last few weeks have mostly consisted of make-out sessions ending in handjobs or the occasional blowjob Jared had given Jensen, but they never progressed any further. Jared’s happy how it is between them; slow and unhurried, but there’s something he really wants, something he craves and needs, especially now that he’ll be leaving Jensen for four days in a few hours. 

Jensen squirts some shower gel into his hands and starts rubbing it into Jared’s skin. His fingertips following the lines of muscle and when he wraps his hand around Jared’s hardening cock, Jared brings his hands up to the tiles to find some leverage. Jensen jerks him slowly, with just enough force to make Jared want more. 

“Jen,” he moans and Jensen leans up to kiss him again, pushing his tongue into Jared’s mouth and sucking on it as if he’s getting paid to do it. 

His other hand starts playing with Jared’s balls and then he pushes his fingers further back and Jared feels his legs turn to jelly. His hole twitches in anticipation of Jensen playing with it and Jared widens his stance to give Jensen better access. 

“Is that okay?” Jensen asks and Jared nods. 

“God, yes,” Jared moans, nodding frantically. “I– I know we haven’t, but – fuck, Jen – I want you – I need you – inside of me. Please Jen, fuck me.”

Their eyes meet and Jared thinks that the intensity in Jensen’s eyes alone can make him come. Jensen runs his hands through his hair. 

“Okay,” he whispers. “Wanna suck you first, though. Is that okay?”

Jared shudders, despite the hot water trailing over his heated skin. “Yeah, Jen, yeah.”

Jensen gives him a soft smile and then sinks to his knees. It’s one of the best sights Jared’s ever experienced. He places his hand at the back of Jensen’s head, just holding and reassuring Jensen that he can’t do wrong. Their eyes meet again and Jensen licks his lips subconsciously, which prompts Jared to run his thumb over Jensen’s lips, following his tongue. 

Then, Jensen’s taking his cock into his mouth. It’s hot and wet and just about everything that Jared imagined, only better. He knows it’s Jensen’s first blowjob and it’s sloppy and messy, but it’s the best blowjob Jared’s ever got, because it’s Jensen giving it. No one will ever have Jensen like Jared has him. The thought makes his belly clench with possessiveness and want. 

“Oh fuck, Jensen,” he moans, his fingertips playing with the wet hair at the back of Jensen’s neck. “Your mouth, so fucking sexy.”

Jared comes when Jensen pushes his fingers back to Jared’s hole, rubbing over the wrinkled skin and just lightly pushing against it, but never pushing in. His orgasm takes him away on waves of pleasure and he only instinctively notices that Jensen’s swallowing everything he’s giving him. The realization makes his cock twitch once more. 

He pulls Jensen up, when his head stops spinning and kisses him hungrily, licking his own taste away until he only tastes Jensen. 

“So fucking hot, Jen,” he murmurs. 

They stumble out of the shower a second later, just barely toweling off before they fall onto Jensen’s bed. Jared straddles Jensen’s hips and gently touches his cock. 

“So beautiful. Want you inside of me, Jen.” Jensen nods, fumbling around in the nightstand for a moment before he presses a bottle of lube and a condom into Jared’s hands. “Did you plan this?” Jared asks, grinning. 

Jensen blushes. “More like hoping. Show me what to do, Jay.”

Jared nods, popping open the bottle of lube. Taking Jensen’s hand, he coats two of the fingers with the cold liquid. He brings Jensen’s fingers back to his entrance. “Put one inside, Jen,” he breathes and tries to relax when Jensen does just that. 

It burns a little, because it’s definitely been a while since Jared did this, but it also feels good, so good. He rocks back on Jensen’s finger inside of him and feels his cock growing hard again. Their eyes are locked and when Jensen pushes a second finger inside, Jared thinks he can see the awe that Jensen feels. 

“So fucking tight, Jay,” he breathes. “Are you okay? I’m not hurting you, am I?”

Jared shakes his head. “No, it’s good. It just been a while, but it’s real good. C’mon give me one more.”

Jensen pulls his hand away and squirts another blob of lube onto his fingers, before returning to Jared’s hole with three fingers. He pushes them inside and Jared feels his body opening around them, adjusting and then sucking them in. A spark of lighting shoots through his body when Jensen scratches over his prostate. 

“Shit, Jen, right there,” he moans, rocking back on Jensen’s fingers. “Right there.”

Jensen’s eyes are blown with lust and Jared knows that he’s about to come any second. Wrapping his fingers around the base of Jensen’s cock, he says, “Want you to come inside me.”

Jensen nods, but it seems strained, as if it costs him a lot of strength to hold back. “Okay.” He pulls his fingers out and Jared takes the condom wrapper and rips it open. He rolls it on and Jensen’s breath comes out wrecked. Coating the condom quickly, he then lowers himself onto Jensen’s dick. 

The prep was good, but not enough and Jared breathes through the burn of Jensen’s cock splitting him open. When he finally bottoms out, they’re both panting hard, each covered in a light sheen of sweat. 

“Okay?” Jared asks and Jensen nods, biting his bottom lip. 

He starts to lift off Jensen’s dick and then pushes back down. It feels amazing and he knows that this’ll be over way too soon, but then again, they have years ahead of them to make up for it. 

“Jared, I can’t-,” Jensen mumbles, sounding completely strung out. 

“It’s okay, Jen. Wanna watch you come.” Jared wraps his hand around his dick and starts jerking himself off quickly. “C’mon, Jen. Come for me.”

The moment Jensen comes, Jared loses it too. The sight of Jensen, head thrown back and mouth open in a silent scream, is too much for him. When Jared feels like he can stand without collapsing, he pulls off Jensen and helps him discard of the condom and cleans Jensen’s belly with an old t-shirt. 

“That was amazing,” Jensen says, pulling Jared into a soft kiss. “I don’t think I’ll be able to get up anytime soon, though.”

Jared chuckles. “It’s okay, we can take a nap. I only have to be at the airport at around noon.”

“Good,” Jensen murmurs and throws an arm over Jared’s chest. “I better get some sleep now, because I’m not sure I’ll be able to get any without you next to me.”

Jared presses a gentle kiss to the top of Jensen’s head. “I’ll be back before you know it. And I promise to call every night.”

  


Jensen’s making them a quick breakfast and feeding the dogs, while Jared pushes the last things he needs for his trip home for Thanksgiving into his bags. It’s only four days, but Jensen already misses him. It’s stupid really, but he can’t help himself. 

For weeks now they’ve been attached at the hip and even before they started dating, Jared had stayed over more times than not. So Jensen wonders a little if he’ll be able to fall asleep in a bed, without Jared’s long arms and legs all over him. Maybe he’ll just allow Sadie and Harley to sleep next to him while Jared’s gone. 

A soft kiss is pressed to his nape and he leans into the broad chest of his boyfriend. 

“I’ll miss you,” Jared whispers. “So much.”

“It’s only four days,” Jensen tries to reason, just to reassure Jared that he’ll be okay.

“Four days is four days too long,” Jared says, and Jensen laughs softly, when he sees the pout on Jared’s face. 

“Well I’m sure your mom will be happy to have you home for a few days.”

“I know,” Jared sighs. “I’d rather stay here with you, though. I’m glad Mom and Dad are coming up for Christmas and I won’t have to go down again.”

Jensen combs his fingers through Jared’s hair. “Me too.” He puts a plate with pancakes in front of Jared. “Now, eat up or your mom might think I’m not feeding you properly.”

Jared takes a bite of the pancakes and moans. “Y’know, this is why I love you.” He points at his plate. “This is so good.”

Jensen heart stops for a moment. Did Jared just say…? Jared seems to realize what he said a moment later, the movement that was supposed to bring his fork to his mouth stops halfway in the air. He looks at Jensen and there’s a small shy smile on his face. 

“It’s true, y’know. In case you hadn’t realized it.” Jared reaches for him and pulls him to stand between Jared’s spread legs. “I love you. Probably have since I first laid eyes on you.”

Jensen cups Jared’s head between his hands. “I love you too.” He leans down and licks away the last drop of maple syrup on Jared’s lips, before kissing him softly.

When they pull apart, they’re both grinning stupidly. “Four days,” Jensen whispers, laying his forehead against Jared’s. 

“Four days,” Jared agrees. “Can’t wait to be back.”

They finish their breakfast in silence, only exchanging soft looks every now and then. It’s easy and comfortable and Jensen soaks it up like a sponge. He has four days to get through without Jared to look at. 

Jensen loads the dishwasher, while Jared calls the cab that’ll take him to the airport. Jensen had offered to borrow Sam’s car or Jeff’s truck for them, but Jared had declined. 

_“Let’s just not have a big dramatic goodbye, okay?” Jared says. “I’ll miss you enough without it.”_

Jensen smiles and nods. “Yeah, okay.”

It’s ten minutes later when Jensen and the dogs follow Jared downstairs to where the cab’s waiting. Jared puts his bag into the trunk and then turns to Jensen, pulling him close. 

“I’ll be back in four days.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

They kiss softly and then Jared pulls away, kneeling down to pet the dogs. “Be good to your daddy and take care of him for me, pups. I’ll be back soon.”

Jensen looks over at the cab driver, who’s looking at them impatiently. “Jay,” he says and Jared stands up. “You gotta go or you’ll miss your flight. I’m sure your mom would never forgive me for that.”

Jared rolls his eyes and drops a last kiss to Jensen’s cheek. “Love you,” he whispers. 

Jensen grins. “Love you, too. Now go.”

Jensen stands on the sidewalk, long after the cab turned the corner and only moves when he hears someone clear their throat behind him. 

“You two are too cute,” Danneel says, holding open the door to their apartment building. “Wanna come in and eat some Häagen Dazs?”

Jensen nods and shoos the dogs upstairs and into Danneel’s apartment. “You got the day off?”

“Uh huh,” Danneel nods, her head inside the freezer, probably looking for the ice cream. “Hah,” she says triumphantly, when she pulls out a pint of Vanilla Caramel Brownie. “Here, Sophia thought you might appreciate the idea.”

Jensen rolls his eyes, but snags the container out of Danneel’s hands. “Thanks. It’s only four days. I’ll be okay.”

Danneel nods. “Sure,” she says with a glint in her eyes. 

Dropping onto the couch Jensen throws a cushion at her. “You’re incorrigible.”

Danneel cackles. “And you’re in love.”

Jensen looks at her and a soft smile appears on his face. “That I am.”

“It’s good – seeing you so happy, I mean.”

“It feels good,” Jensen admits. “He makes me feel good.”

Danneel nudges his shoulder and digs her spoon into the smooth ice cream. “I’m glad.”

“Now, we only have to find you someone, huh?” Jensen winks at her and Danneel rolls her eyes. 

“I’m happy with how it is right now, thank you very much.”

“Maybe you should just tell her, y’know.”

Danneel’s eyes grow wide and she turns away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Hey,” Jensen tucks at her sleeve. “Don’t you think I see how you look at Sophia? I look at Jared the same way.”

“We’re just friends and it’s good that way,” Danneel says.

“Yeah, that’s why you’re celebrating Thanksgiving with her and both your families in your apartment,” Jensen says and smiles. “You should just kiss and get it over with.”

“I’m pretty sure Sophia is not interested in me that way.”

Jensen shakes his head. “Just give her the chance to prove you wrong.”

The front door opens and they both fall silent. “Hey, I’m home early. That stupid bitch doesn’t know what she wants; one day it’s blue curtains instead of beige ones, then she changes her mind about the couch I ordered for her and now … now she’s thinking about changing nothing at all because apparently she still likes how it looks. I told her to call me if she ever gets her head out of her ass.”

Jensen grins at the fond look that appears on Danneel’s face, as soon as Sophia starts ranting. 

“Hey, Soph,” he calls. 

Sophia walks into the room, nibbling at an apple. “Hey, you said goodbye to Jared already?”

Jensen nods. “Yeah. And thanks for the ice cream.”

“No problem,” Sophia grins and drops next to Danneel on the couch, pushing her feet beneath Danneel’s thighs. “And how was your day, honey?”

Danneel rolls her eyes and throws a warning look at Jensen, before turning back to Sophia to tell her all about her all so exciting day of having a long bath and doing her toenails. 

One look at Sophia’s face tells Jensen all he needs to know. 

  


Jensen rings the bell and when Sam opens the door, she rolls her eyes. 

“What did I tell you about using the key?” She leans down to pet the dogs and then shoos them inside. “Joshua’s in the sunroom,” she says and Sadie and Harley take off in that direction. 

They’re completely focused on Joshua whenever they’re all together. At first Jensen had worried, because the pups can be a handful, but they’re well behaved around Joshua and Joshua seems to enjoy their time together – well, as much as Jensen can tell. 

“Who knows what I’m going to walk into?” Jensen asks jokingly. “So, no thanks.” Sam slaps the back of his head lightly and he scowls playfully at her. “Do that again and I take my apple crumble back to where it came from.”

“Oh no, we can’t have that. It’s Joshua’s favorite.”

Sam snatches the pie out of Jensen’s hand and he follows her into the kitchen. The turkey is already in the oven and smelling delicious. 

“Hmm, that smells awesome,” he says and Sam smiles. 

“Thanks. Why don’t you go and keep Joshua and Jeff company? Maybe watch the game?”

“You don’t need any help?”

Sam shakes her head. “I’m glad to do this for my men and besides, that means you’re doing the cleaning afterwards.”

Jensen groans, but then drops a kiss to Sam’s cheek. “Of course we will. You call if you need help.”

He walks into the sunroom where Jeff and Joshua are reading the newspaper together. “Hey, you two. How’s it going?”

Jeff looks up, while Joshua stares off into space. “Hey, you didn’t call yesterday. Jared arrive safely in San Antonio?”

“Yeah,” Jensen says. “Took me hours to fall asleep and in the end I called him to talk to me until I fell asleep. Stupid right?”

Jeff laughs. “Naw, I think it’s adorable. What do you think, Josh? Aren’t those two really cute together?”

Joshua stays silent, but Jensen has the feeling that he totally understood what Jeff had said to him. The corner of his mouth twitches and Jensen thinks that maybe it means he wants to smile and agree. 

“Don’t say anything, Josh,” Jensen says. “Jared and I are definitely not adorable. Dogs are adorable. We’re two grown guys. We’re not adorable or cute.”

Jeff laughs. “Okay, you’re really manly and I can feel your man-pain that your boy is gone for four days.”

Jensen sticks out his tongue at Jeff and then turns to Joshua. “How about we go and watch the game, Josh? You like that?”

Jensen waits for a moment and when Joshua gets up and walks in the direction of the living room he takes that as a ‘yes’. He looks at Jeff and Jeff grins. 

“It’s a good day, indeed,” he says and they both follow Joshua into the living room. 

They watch the game and Jensen explains every single play to Joshua. He doesn’t get a response, of course, but the way Joshua’s eyes are focused on the TV, Jensen thinks he might know exactly what’s going on and what Jensen’s saying to him. 

It’s a nice and relaxing afternoon and still Jensen wishes Jared could be here, but he’s grateful that Jeff tries to take his mind off his boyfriend being thousands of miles away. 

When Sam calls them for dinner, they sit down at the neatly decorated dinner table and Jensen tries to remember if Thanksgiving had always been like this in his dreams too. But then he decides that it doesn’t matter, because this is so much better anyway, because it’s the real thing. 

Their dinner is filled with soft conversation about their jobs, upcoming Christmas and New Year’s plans, and Jensen tells funny stories about what Sadie and Harley have done since they saw each other last. 

In the end, Jensen’s stuffed and he knows he’ll have to roll home instead of walk, because his legs won’t be able carry him. He’s glad that Jeff offers to drive him home and when he falls on his couch with Sadie and Harley at his feet, he pulls out his cell and calls Jared. 

“God, I think I’m gonna explode,” Jensen groans, after Jared picked up and they said ‘hi’. 

“You’re not the only one,” Jared agrees. “I’ve already changed into sweatpants because I can’t button my jeans anymore.”

Jensen perks up. “The gray ones?”

“Yeah, the gray ones,” Jared says, and Jensen can hear the grin in his voice. Jared’s gray sweatpants are old and ratty and hang low on his hips because the elastic band is beat-up. They’re just perfect to show off Jared’s butt because it’s the only thing that keeps them up. “They’re so comfy.”

“They’re so sexy,” Jensen says and hears Jared’s breath hitch. “I wish I was there, so that I could see you in them.”

“If you’re nice, maybe I’ll wear them when I get back, just for you, Jen.” Jared’s voice is husky and it makes Jensen’s belly clench with lust. 

“Jay,” he breathes. 

“You hard, Jen? Just thinking of me in my sweatpants?”

“Oh god, yes,” Jensen admits, rubbing over the hard-on in his jeans, before popping the button and pushing the pants over his hips. 

“C’mon, Jen. Take it out for me.”

Jared’s voice washes over him like honey and Jensen’s already panting hard when he wraps his fingers around his hard cock. “Fuck, Jay, wish it were you.”

“I know, me too. But I swear we’ll make up for it when I come home on Monday night, okay? Now, wrap your fingers around your cock and make yourself come. Wanna hear you come.”

Jared’s breath is coming in ragged puffs and Jensen thinks he hears him jerking his own cock. “Okay,” he agrees shakily, jerking his cock hard and fast. 

They’re panting in each other’s ears and it’s over way too fast. Jensen comes, panting Jared’s name into the receiver. 

“Hmm,” he moans when he comes down from his high. “I think I’ll be able to sleep better now.”

Jared chuckles lightly. “Sleep tight, Jen. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

They hang up and Jensen makes his way into the bedroom, stumbling onto the bed and falling into a dreamless slumber instantly. 

  


Jeff doesn’t know what woke him, but the green neon letters on his alarm clock show him that it’s the middle of the night. He groans, reaching over to where Sam should be. The bed is empty and the sheets are cold. He frowns, climbing out of their bed and wiping his eyes. 

He checks on Joshua on his way down the hallway and smiles when he sees that he’s sleeping peacefully. 

There’s light shining through the crack of the door to Sam’s office and Jeff knocks before walking inside. 

Sam’s sitting at her desk, a pile of envelopes in front of her. When she looks up, Jeff sees that she’s been crying. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks, walking over to her and pulling her into a hug. 

She clings to him and lets out a sob. “I– I didn’t know. I want you to know that I had no idea, okay?”

Jeff pulls away a little. “What are you talking about?”

“I only found out tonight,” she says, wiping her eyes. 

“What did you find out?” Jeff asks, confused. “What’s going on?”

“Joshua, he’s– he’s Jensen’s brother.”


	14. Something Real 13/15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen has it all; a great job, a loving boyfriend, an amazing family. Then he wakes up to find out that it’s all been a dream.

  


Jared grabs his bag from the baggage claim and makes his way to the exit. He sees his dad and his sister standing in the arrival hall and a second later he has his arms full of teenage girl. 

“Hi, Meggie,” he says, twirling her around and dropping a kiss to her hair. 

“Put me down, you giant,” she laughs and he ruffles her hair. 

She’s turning eighteen in a couple of months and will graduate high school next summer and Jared wonders when she turned from the braces wearing kid to this beautiful young woman. He’s a little sad he missed it. 

They walk over to their dad and he slaps Jared’s shoulder affectionately. 

“What do they feed you in San Francisco, son? I could swear you’ve grown even bigger,” his dad jokes and Jared laughs, because his dad is at least two inches taller than he is. 

“Jensen takes good care of me,” Jared says, smiling fondly. 

His dad looks at him for a long time, before he nods and says, “I can’t wait to meet him. He must be a real catch if he has you grinning like this.”

“Is he hot?” Megan asks and Jared chuckles. 

“He’s gorgeous. I have some pics of him on my phone. If you’re nice, I’ll show them to you.” 

They make their way to his dad’s car and Jared fires off a message to Jensen, telling him that he’s got to San Antonio okay and that he’ll be calling Jensen later. 

“Aww, you already miss him?” Megan teases and Jared sticks out his tongue at her. 

“Shut up, Meggie,” he says without heat in his voice. 

“Jared’s in love,” she singsongs. 

“Meg, leave your brother alone,” their dad says, chuckling. “I remember being in the honeymoon phase. It’s cute.” Jared rolls his eyes when he realizes that his dad is teasing him, too. “I guess your mom won’t have to stop her wedding planning after all, huh?”

“Dad,” Jared lets out an exaggerated breath. 

“I’m just saying.” His dad grins. “He makes you really happy, huh?”

Jared nods. “Yeah, he does.”

His father claps his thigh. “I’m glad, son.”

Jared’s mom is in the kitchen when they get home and he wraps her up in his arms, spinning her around. “Hi Mom.”

She laughs. “Well, JT, at least your eating enough.”

“Jensen’s taking care of him,” Megan pipes up. 

His mom smiles softly, but there’s something in her eyes that Jared can’t really interpret. “That’s good. He seems like a nice boy.”

“He is. Wait until you meet him during your visit at Christmas.”

“Hey, you wanted to show us a pic of him,” Megan says, hopping up onto the counter and snagging one of the chocolate cupcakes their mom has made for them. 

Jared grins. “Yeah, okay.” 

He pulls out his phone and thumbs through several pics he’s taken of Jensen over the last few weeks. He finds one of them together, where they’re sitting next to each and are just looking at each other as if there’s nobody else in the world. Chad had taken it while they hadn’t been paying attention to the world around them. It’s one of the best pics of them, Jared thinks. 

“Here, that’s him.”

His mom and Megan look at the display and Megan starts ‘ohhing’ and ‘awwing’, saying how cute they are, while his mom just stares at the picture. It takes a long while for his mom to say something. 

“He’s really handsome.”

Jared nods. “Yeah, he’s gorgeous.”

His mom smiles and then turns back to the cupcakes. Jared frowns, because if he’s not mistaken, there are tears in his mom’s eyes. “Mom, you okay?”

She nods quickly. “Of course. I’m just so happy for you. I thought that after Sandy you’d need some patching up. But I guess Jensen already did that.”

“Jensen’s been great,” Jared agrees. “It’s like I’ve known him forever. We just… we fit.”

His mom cups his cheek and rubs her thumb over the smooth skin. “That’s great, baby. I’m glad. I can’t wait to meet him.”

She still looks like she might burst into tears any minute and Jared wonders why that is. Well, his mom has always been an emotional person. He pulls her into a hug. 

“I’m happy, Mom. I really am.”

She chuckles. “That’s great, honey. I’m just being stupid. I’m glad you’re happy.”

“Jared,” his father calls and Jared takes a step back, dropping a kiss to his mom’s cheek. “Can I get some help here?”

“I’m coming, Dad.”

  


That night when he’s lying in his childhood bed, he calls Jensen. 

“I miss you,” he says in lieu of a greeting and Jensen chuckles softly at the other end of the line. 

“Miss you, too. And the kids miss you as well.”

“I hope they’re behaving.”

“They’re taking good care of me,” Jensen says and Jared can hear the grin in his voice. “I allowed them to sleep in the bed.”

“You’re spoiling them, Jen,” Jared groans. “And when I come back there won’t be any place for me to sleep anymore.”

Jensen laughs. “I’m sure we’ll find a place for you. There’s always the dog beds.”

“Thanks, Jen. You’re too good to me.”

“I know, right?” Jensen still laughs and Jared can’t help himself and starts laughing too. 

“You could always join me.”

“Only if you behave nicely.”

“Four days, right?” Jared asks and sighs, missing Jensen like a limb. 

“Four days,” Jensen agrees. “Let your mom stuff you with food tomorrow and you won’t even think of me.”

Jared snorts. “I’m always thinking of you.”

“Yeah, me too,” Jensen sighs. 

“I’ll let you go to sleep now, Jen. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

They disconnect the call and Jared stares up at the ceiling. A grin appears on his face and he rolls around to bury his face in the pillow. 

Yeah, he’s really happy. 

  


Jeff’s pacing, his footsteps echoing on the floorboards. His head is spinning with what Sam has just told him. This is… insane is the only word he can come up with. But the evidence that says it’s true nonetheless lies on Sam’s desk, safely packed away in ragged envelopes. 

“This is… Wow… I don’t even know…,” he sighs. “I have nothing.”

“I didn’t know. I had no idea,” Sam says. Thank god, she stopped crying after Jeff assured her that this is not her fault, and now she seems calm and together. “I can’t believe she never said anything. I knew there was something in her past – in their past – I just never asked what it was.” 

“Why would you? You had no reason too,” Jeff says, sighing. He rubs a hand over his face. “God, we need to tell Jensen. He needs to know that he has a brother.”

Sam nods. “Yeah, I just wish I could tell him more, y’know.”

“Well, we have a name now and if he wants to dig a little deeper, we’ll start there.” 

Jeff pulls Sam out of her chair and into his arms. “It’ll be okay. This is good news.”

“I just… I don’t know why she never told me that Joshua had a brother,” Sam says. “A brother that was in some kind of experiment, nonetheless.”

“She knew you’d ask questions, she probably didn’t wanna answer,” Jeff says. “But we can piece it together now and maybe we’ll find some more answers.”

“But who’s ‘S’, Jeff?” Sam asks. “Claire never said anything about former friends. It’s been just her and Joshua, always.”

Jeff sighs. “I don’t know. But we have to tell Jensen. He’s been in that experiment for twenty-five-years and after that we had no way of finding out who his real parents are. But now, we have a new lead. That is if, of course, he wants to follow it.”

Sam lets out a deep breath. “Yeah, I guess. But maybe we should wait til Jared’s back. Jensen might need him.”

“Yeah, okay.” Jeff nods. “It’s only a couple of days before he’s back.” He presses a kiss to Sam’s temple. “How about we try to sleep a little bit?”

Sam looks up at him and he knows that they both won’t be able to sleep for one second tonight. But there’s nothing else to do and Joshua will wake up in a couple of hours. He pulls Sam along to the bedroom and they climb into bed, lying there, staring at the ceiling. 

This’ll be a long night. 

  


Jensen’s panting hard when he makes his way back to his apartment building, the dogs pulling hard on their leashes. Danneel is sitting outside, grinning amusedly at him, when he makes his way over and lets go of Sadie and Harley’s leashes. The dogs jump up to where Danneel’s sitting on the front steps and Jensen bends forward, resting his hands on his thighs and tries to catch his breath. 

“Man, you’d think you were an old man, if someone sees you like this,” Danneel jokes. 

Jensen flips her the bird and breathes in and out carefully, until the burning feeling in his chest finally starts to fade. “Well, normally it’s Jared who runs with them.”

“You should totally join him sometime, so that you get into shape again,” she laughs.

“You saying I’m fat?” Jensen asks, frowning. 

“Nope, just not in shape,” Danneel says, pushing up from the cold front steps and rubbing her hands against her thighs. “You wanna come over later? Just you, me, your favorite muffins and a re-run of the first season of Dexter.”

Jensen raises his eyebrows. “What about Soph?”

Danneel sighs, looking at her feet. “She has a date apparently. With a guy she met at work.”

“Aw, shit. Sorry, Danni. I really thought…,”

Danneel holds her hands up and Jensen stops. “Just, don’t say anything. It was just a stupid crush anyway.”

Jensen pulls her into a quick hug. “It’ll be okay.”

“Ew,” Danneel squeaks, pulling away quickly. “Yeah, sure. Go shower and then you can come and help me make your muffins.”

Jensen kisses her cheek. “I’ll be down in thirty minutes.”

He jogs upstairs with the dogs and just makes it in time to hear his phone ring. Grabbing the receiver, he pants, “Yeah?”

“Jen?”

“Oh, Jeff, hey,” he says, still out of breath. “Sorry, I just went for a run with the dogs.”

“You went for a run with the dogs, or the dogs with you?” Jeff asks, laughing. 

“Shut up.”

Jeff laughs some more. “Maybe you should leave the running to Jared.”

“I will gladly do that when he comes back from San Antonio. But right now…”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jeff says amused, before his voice turns serious. “Listen, why don’t you and Jared come over for dinner when he’s back? It’s been a while since we had an evening together.”

“Yeah, sure. I ask him what day works best and I’ll call you, okay?”

Jeff lets out a deep breath. “Yeah, that’s good.”

“Listen, Jeff. I really have to take a shower now. My t-shirt is glued to my back and it’s not a really nice feeling.”

Jeff laughs again. “Go shower. I’ll talk to you later.”

  


On Monday Jensen drops by Mike’s office to hand over his latest project. It includes pictures of the exceptional art exhibition going on at the gallery Danneel works for and Mike seems impressed with the pictures Jensen gives him. 

“They’re great, as always. Thanks,” Mike says. “They’ll go well with the article we’ve set up for it.” He leans back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest. “So, I have this buddy of mine, who’s just started his own fashion line. He’s pretty good, if I might say so. Thing is, he needs someone to help him set up his website and he doesn’t have a decent photographer.” Jensen raises his eyebrows. “I know it’s not normally your thing, but I told my friend I’d ask to see if you’d be interested in a model photo shoot.”

“Uhm,” Jensen’s speechless. “Yeah, sure. I’ve never done it before, but if he’s interested, then yeah. I’d love too.”

Mike grins. “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear. Here’s his business card. Just call him.”

Jensen takes the card. “Thanks, Mike.”

“Hey, tell Marvel I said ‘hi’.”

Jensen chuckles. “I will. See you later.”

He frees Sadie and Harley’s leashes from where they’ve been secured to Kristen’s desk. “They’ve gotten so big,” she says and Jensen grins. 

“We’ve been feeding them well.”

Kristen laughs a little. “I can see that. Have a great week, Jensen.”

“You too.” He leads Sadie and Harley outside. “So, you excited that your other daddy is coming home today, guys?” They yip and Jensen grins. “Good. How about we get something nice to eat for tonight?”

  


When Jared unlocks the door to the apartment, he’s hit with the delicious smell of pasta. He moans quietly, putting his bag on the floor and kicking off his shoes. Quietly making his way to the kitchen, he hears Jensen talking to the dogs. He smiles and then his boyfriend comes into view. 

Jensen’s wearing jeans that hang low on his hips and a black shirt that hides nothing. Jared licks his lips, cocking his head as he checks out Jensen’s ass and feels his cock grow hard in his pants. Until now, Jensen hasn’t noticed him, too preoccupied with stirring the pasta and the sauce. But then Sadie and Harley jump up from the floor and Jensen turns around. 

He smiles when he sees Jared. “Hey, I didn’t expect you until later.”

“Yeah, I took an earlier flight. Couldn’t wait any longer,” Jared says, striding over to where Jensen’s standing and crowds him against the counter. “I missed you.”

Jensen smiles fondly. “Missed you too.”

Their lips meet in a gentle kiss and Jared melts against Jensen’s body. “Four days were too long.”

“Way too long,” Jensen agrees. “I’m making Fettuccine Alfredo. Hope you’ll like it.”

“Smells amazing. How long?”

Jensen looks at him with a raised eyebrow. “Well, I thought we can heat it up.”

Jared swallows hard. “Awesome idea.” He grabs Jensen and then picks him up, ignoring Jensen’s surprised squeak. Wrapping his legs around Jared’s hips, their groins meet and Jared groans, when he feels that Jensen’s as hard as he is. “God, need you…”

“Yeah,” Jensen breathes. 

They stumble into the bedroom and fall onto the bed, pulling and grasping at their clothes until they’re both naked and writhing against each other. 

“So good, Jen,” Jared moans. “You feel so good.”

He kisses and licks his way down Jensen’s chest, playing with his nipples and then dipping his tongue into his bellybutton. Jensen’s panting hard, his fingers tangled in Jared’s hair, urging him on. 

“Jay, I need…,”

Jared looks up. “What? Tell me, Jen.”

“I need you. Want you… inside of me.” Jensen’s looking at him with lust-blown eyes and a shiver runs through Jared’s body at the prospect of being inside Jensen. 

“You sure?”

Jensen nods. “Yes, want you to.”

“Okay,” Jared agrees. “I’ll make it so good, Jen. Promise.”

“I know you will,” Jensen smiles at him, running his thumb over Jared’s bottom lip. “I trust you.”

They meet in a passionate kiss and Jared sucks Jensen’s tongue into his mouth, while his hand wanders down and starts jerking Jensen’s cock slowly. His boyfriend moans brokenly and Jared hurries to get the lube and a condom out of the nightstand with his free hand. 

He scoots down. “It’ll be easier for you if you turn around.”

Jensen looks at him and then shakes his head. “I wanna see you. I’ll be okay.”

Jared knows exactly where Jensen’s coming from. As hot as a fuck from behind can be, looking at each other while having sex is so much more intimate. 

“Okay,” he breathes and nods. 

Leaning down, he takes Jensen’s cock between his lips and his eyes drop shut. Jensen’s cock is made for him, fits perfectly on his tongue and into his mouth. The taste leaves him dizzy and for a second he forgets that he needs to prepare Jensen. But then he pushes his fingers further back and runs them over Jensen’s hole. It quivers in anticipation and Jensen’s legs fall further apart to give Jared more room. 

He licks around the crown, when he pushes a lubed finger into Jensen’s body carefully. For a second Jensen tenses, but then the muscles around Jared’s finger relax and he’s able to pull it back out, before pushing it further inside. He takes his time, fucking his finger in and out of Jensen’s ass slowly and carefully, his mouth is still wrapped tightly around Jensen’s dick and he feels it twitch against his tongue. 

His own cock is heavy and hard between his legs, begging for some attention. But he knows that as soon as he’s inside Jensen, he won’t last long. That’s why he keeps his hands as far away from his cock as possible, just so he won’t embarrass himself. 

Jared prepares Jensen slowly, adding a second finger and then a third, stretching and scissoring them. He runs them over Jensen’s sweet spot, which causes Jensen’s hips to shoot off the bed and Jared chokes a little when Jensen’s dick presses against the back of his throat. But it only makes him harder, craving even more to be inside Jensen. 

“Now, Jay, I’m ready,” Jensen begs and Jared nods. How will he ever be able to say no to such a sweet plea?

He rolls the condom on his cock and coats it with lube before positioning it at Jensen’s entrance. Their eyes lock when he pushes slowly inside. Jensen looks at him with wide eyes and for a moment Jared thinks he might be in pain, when his arms come around Jared’s neck to pull him down into a kiss. It’s gentle and so full of emotion that it leaves Jared breathless. 

“So good,” Jensen murmurs against his lips. “Feel so good inside of me. Like you’re made for me.”

Jared pushes some strands of sweaty hair out of Jensen’s face and smiles. “Maybe I am.”

He starts fucking Jensen in earnest then, pulling his hips back and then pushing back in. Jensen’s writhing beneath him, begging for more and mumbling incoherent words. His fingers are locked behind Jared’s neck and Jared knows he’s just holding on for the ride. He licks up and down Jensen’s neck, sucking a bruise to the spot where neck and shoulder meet. 

Jensen’s head falls back, his eyes are closed and his skin’s flushed. He’s gorgeous and Jared wraps his hand around his cock, jerking him in the same rhythm he’s fucking Jensen. It doesn’t take long for Jensen to come and the muscles clenching around Jared’s dick push him over the edge only seconds later. 

They’re both panting hard and as much as Jared wants to stay where he is, he has to get up and get rid of the condom. He kisses Jensen and then pulls out. It makes Jensen hiss and Jared mumbles a quick apology, before padding into the bathroom and getting a wet washcloth to clean Jensen up. 

After they’re both clean again, he climbs into bed and pulls Jensen against his chest. “So good to be home.”

Jensen grins and presses a kiss right over Jared’s heart. “I won’t argue with that.”

“I think I should maybe cancel my lease,” Jared says carefully. He knows it’s early in their relationship, but then again, he’s been practically living here since Sandy left. So maybe it’s not too early after all. 

“Hmm,” Jensen agrees. “Maybe you should do that. Because it’s a waste of money if I never let you leave anyway.”

“Oh, so you’re going to keep me chained to the bed then?”

Jensen looks up and grins wickedly. “Sounds like a good idea.” He kisses Jared softly. “I love you and I’d love for you to officially move in here.”

“It’s done, then.”

They kiss for a little while longer and then fall asleep tangled up completely each other. 

  


Jensen rings the bell and then lifts his hand that’s holding Jared’s and presses a kiss to the back of Jared’s hand. 

“Sap,” Jared teases and Jensen rolls his eyes. He knows Jared loves it. 

“Shut up,” he says, nudging Jared’s shoulder. 

Sam opens the door and Sadie and Harley push past her, as soon as Jensen drops their leashes. “Hey boys.” There’s something in Sam’s eyes that makes Jensen frown. 

“You okay, Sam?” 

She gives him a small smile. “Why don’t you come in and we can have dinner first?”

Jensen looks at Jared, who shrugs and nods. “Okay, Sam. Sure.”

They make their way to the living room where they find Joshua and Jeff on the couch. The dining table is already set and Sam asks them to take a seat. Dinner is filled with mostly random conversation about their day and how Jared’s Thanksgiving was. It leaves Jensen feeling unsettled, because he knows something isn’t right. He hasn’t seen Jeff this tense in… probably ever. 

The dessert is a chocolate cake with white chocolate frosting, but Jensen can’t really enjoy it, because he knows something is going on and it makes his stomach turn upside down. Jared seems to notice his uneasiness because he takes Jensen’s hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. 

He looks over and gives Jared a small smile that’s returned instantly. 

“Why don’t we move to the couch?” Jeff asks and Sam nods. 

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. You go and I’ll go and get something.” She rushes out of the room and Jensen shoots a look at Jeff. 

“What’s going on?”

“Let’s just sit down, Jen.”

“Are you sick? Is Sam sick?” Jensen asks, desperate to know what’s going on. 

Jeff shakes his head. “No, we’re both okay. Joshua too.”

“But this is serious,” Jared says. It’s not a question but a statement. 

“Yes, it is. But Sam will need to tell you the whole story – or as much as we know what the whole story is.”

Sam walks back into the living room with a beautifully carved box beneath her arm. She places it onto the coffee table and sits down on the couch between Jeff and Joshua, while Jensen and Jared sit on the couch across from them. 

“I guess I’ll start at the beginning,” Sam says and Jensen has never seen her so nervous. “My mom died when I was twelve and my dad remarried when I was fifteen. Claire, my dad’s new wife, and Joshua moved in with us shortly before they got married. I always thought that Joshua was Claire’s biological son. But a few days back, I found some letters stating that he wasn’t. Claire had adopted him when he was four.”

“Claire died of cancer last year and afterwards I found a letter addressed to me,” Sam continues. “She told me to contact Dr. Eric Kripke and that he might be able to give me the name of a very capable permanent nurse. I did and he gave me Jeff’s contact data. I never questioned it. I thought that she might have done some research and therefore come up with Kripke’s name. But I was wrong.” There are tears in her eyes when she stops and Jeff grabs her hand between his. “Through those letters I found out Claire had been in contact with someone who only ever signed the letters with ‘S’.”

Jensen tenses. “What?”

Sam nods. “They talked about Joshua a lot and they talked about a boy named Jensen, who was in an experiment with the facility that Kripke leads.”

“Oh,” Jensen breathes. His head is spinning. “What are you saying?”

“Jen,” Jeff says. “We’re pretty sure that Joshua is your real brother.”

Jensen’s eyes grow wide and he looks at Jared who looks just as surprised. “Joshua is my brother,” he says slowly. “Joshua is my brother.”

Jared smiles at him. “Your brother, Jen. Your real brother.”

Jensen feels the tears burning behind his eyes and he looks at Joshua, who’s looking right at Jensen. It’s then that he knows why Joshua’s eyes have the same shade of green as his own eyes. He stumbles to his feet and wraps Joshua up in his arms. 

“You’re my brother, Josh. You’re my brother,” he mumbles, clinging to Joshua, willing him to break out of his shell for once. 

Joshua doesn’t hug him back, but when Jensen pulls back, he sees a tear running down Joshua’s cheek. He wipes it away with shaking fingers. This is new, he’s never seen Joshua express any kind of emotion. But this is… this means that his brother is still in there somewhere. 

“It’s okay,” he whispers. “Everything’s okay. We’re together now.” He looks over at Sam, Jeff and Jared, who are all staring at them with tears in their own eyes. “He knows,” Jensen says. “He understood.”

Sam nods. “Yeah, I think he did.”

“This is…,” Jeff says. “This is amazing. And Jen, we have a name, if you want to do a little more digging. This time we have a real name and we might be able to find out what happened to your parents or why you ended up how you ended up.”

Jensen’s shaking, his heart beating quickly in his chest. “I…”

“Only if you want to, Jen. We’re happy with whatever you decide. Joshua is your brother and that’s all that really counts,” Sam says. 

“I need to think about it,” Jensen says, still holding Joshua’s hands between his. 

“Of course. Take the letters with you, read them if you want and then you can decide,” Jeff says. 

Jensen nods, throwing a look at the box. Inside is the mystery of his life, or at least a part of it. He lifts his head and sees Jared smiling at him reassuringly. But then again, he has a life here – a pretty good one at that. 

Does he really want to jeopardize that?

[Chapter 14](http://ally-fics.livejournal.com/39119.html)


	15. Something Real 14/15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen has it all; a great job, a loving boyfriend, an amazing family. Then he wakes up to find out that it’s all been a dream.

  


Jared unlocks the door to their apartment – they moved Jared’s things in two weekends ago – and kicks off his shoes. It’s been a long day with his final classes before the Christmas holidays and the whole afternoon at the clinic. Now he only wants to the curl up with Jensen on the couch and maybe drink a beer or two. Oh, and a little sex might be good too. 

He rolls his neck, working out the kinks and walks into the living room. Jensen’s on the couch, Sadie and Harley are lying at his feet and jump up when they notice Jared walk into the room. He greets the dogs, petting them for a little while and rubbing behind their ears, before he drops onto the couch next to Jensen and presses a kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek. 

The wooden box that’s holding the letters Sam gave them, is standing untouched on the coffee table and Jensen’s just staring at it, barely acknowledging Jared’s presence. It’s happened a lot over the last three weeks. 

“Maybe you should just read them,” Jared says softly and Jensen sighs. 

Jared has tried to convince Jensen to read the letters, or at least start with one, but Jensen never does. He only stares at the box, as if it’ll reveal its secret just like that. 

“Jen,” Jared prods carefully. “It’s driving you crazy.”

“I don’t even know what’s written in them,” Jensen says. “I… what if it’s something I don’t wanna hear or know?”

“Hey,” Jared cups Jensen’s head between his hands, forcing him to look at him. “Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it, together. Besides, Sam’s read them. Don’t you think she would have warned you if there’s something in them that might hurt you?”

Jensen shakes his head. “This may be my mother writing to another woman about how she gave me away, how she gave me to some guy who experiments with brains and memories and dreams. This’ll be hurtful no matter what!” Jensen’s voice gets a little louder with every word he says and in the end he’s practically yelling. 

“I’m sorry,” Jared says. “I – I just thought I’d try to help, because I know this is driving you crazy. My parents will be here tomorrow afternoon and I don’t want you sitting staring at the box the whole time while we celebrate Christmas. I want you to be happy and as long as you don’t take a look, you’ll never be.”

Jensen pulls away from Jared’s touch. “I’ll go and heat up some lasagna for you. I have to go to the store tomorrow morning; I forgot that I need some thyme and rosemary for the roast.”

He gets up from the couch and walks into the kitchen, leaving Jared sitting on the couch dumbstruck. “Jensen,” he calls. “Don’t do this. Please.” He follows his boyfriend into the kitchen. “I know we’ve only been together for two months, but don’t act like you’re alone in this. You’re not. I love you and I’ll support you whatever you decide.”

Jensen rests his hands on the counter, with his back to Jared, and he can see that Jensen’s shoulders are trembling slightly. 

“I just don’t know if I can deal with whatever is written in those letters.” Jensen’s voice is shaky. “I’ve finally come to terms with my ‘dream life’ being over and I’ve moved on. I don’t know if I wanna go back.”

Jared wraps his arms around Jensen’s slim body, pulling him against his chest. It breaks his heart to see his boyfriend so torn. 

“It’s okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Read the letters whenever you feel ready and I’ll be here to do it with you.”

Jensen nods, turning his head so that he can rub his nose along Jared’s neck. “Okay. Thank you.”

Jared smiles and leans down, brushing his lips over the corner of Jensen’s mouth. “Anytime.” He releases Jensen from his hold and takes a step back. “So you said something about lasagna?” 

Jensen snorts. “I did and there’s beer in the fridge.”

“Awesome.” Jared hops onto the counter while Jensen hands him a beer bottle and pushes the lasagna into the microwave. “So, everything ready for decorating the tree tomorrow?”

Jensen nods. “Yup. Danneel was really pissed that I took her to the mall with me, though. Dude, you won’t believe it, it was crazy.”

“Of course it was,” Jared laughs. “It’s Christmas.”

Jensen chuckles. “But we found some cool stuff to decorate the tree with. Oh and Danneel asked if your parents are coming to her and Sophia’s Christmas Eve party tomorrow.”

“I haven’t asked them, but I think so, if they’re not too tired. What about Jeff, Sam and Joshua?”

“Jeff said that it’s not really ideal for Joshua. Too many people for him,” Jensen says. “But they’re coming over for Christmas.”

“Oh, right. I haven’t really thought about that.” Jared sighs. “Have they been able to get that appointment with the specialist that they talked about?”

Ever since Joshua had started crying when they found out that he’s Jensen’s brother, Sam and Jeff had been talking about taking him to a specialist to get him tested and see if there was a possibility of enhancing his cognitive abilities and maybe even be able to bring him out of his shell completely. 

Sam had told them that Claire and her dad had dragged Joshua from doctor to doctor after he came back from wherever he was when he went missing. But nobody had been able to help them; Joshua was buried too deep inside his own head. But now, there’s a chance that they’ll be able to help them now. 

“Jeff said something about an appointment in the first week in January,” Jensen says, taking the lasagna out of the microwave. He carries it into the living room while Jared follows him. “It’s in LA, though.”

“Will you go with them?”

Jensen shrugs. “Not really sure yet. Three people could be too much, but then again, I’m his brother.” He smiles a little. “Can’t still wrap my head around that.”

Jared grins. “Pretty amazing, huh?”

“I thought I’d lost it all.” Jensen lets out a deep breath. “It took me a while, but I’ve got everything back.”

“Yeah?” Jared asks slowly. 

“Yeah,” Jensen says. “I’ve got a family. I’ve got a job I love. I’ve got amazing friends.” He leans forward and presses his forehead against Jared’s. “And I’ve got you. Life’s good again. Maybe that’s why reading the letters scares the hell outta me.”

Jared smiles and kisses Jensen lightly. “It’s okay. Whenever you’re ready.”

  


It’s not often that Jensen wakes before Jared, but he always loves it when he does. Christmas Eve morning is one of those days. He lies in bed, just looking at Jared. His boyfriend is gorgeous and Jensen runs his fingers lightly over Jared’s slightly flushed cheeks. He wonders what Jared’s dreaming about that has him so hot. 

He could lie in bed all day just watching Jared sleep, but it’s Christmas Eve and they have a lot to do before Jared goes to get his parents from the airport this afternoon. So, Jensen rolls out of bed and pads into the kitchen, turning on the coffeemaker. 

They positioned their tree – a Douglas-fir – in the corner of the living room last night and now Jensen pulls out the boxes that hold their new decorations. 

It’s an hour later, when Jared stumbles out of the bedroom, still practically asleep. He’s adorable and Jensen grins. 

“Hey, sleeping beauty. Since when do you sleep in? The dogs missed their run this morning,” he teases. 

“I need my beauty sleep,” Jared calls from the kitchen and when comes back out he’s holding a big coffee mug in his hands. “Besides, I thought it was time that you made me coffee.”

Jensen laughs. “C’mon, giant. You can set the angel on top of the tree.”

Jared blinks. “Wow, you’re almost done.”

“Yeah,” Jensen agrees, looking at the tree. It’s decorated with little angel figures and candy. Two chains of lights are wrapped around it and illuminate the corner of the living room. “The only thing that’s missing is the angel on top.”

Jared steps on the ladder and places the angel with the white dress and long blonde hair on top of the tree. 

“Tada,” he says, triumphantly and jumps down, wrapping Jensen up in his arms. “Merry Christmas.”

Jensen laughs. “Christmas is tomorrow, dork.”

Jared rolls his eyes and pulls him in for a kiss. “Doesn’t matter. I’ve already got my present.”

“Yeah?” Jensen asks with raised eyebrows. “And what’s that?”

“You are,” his boyfriend says and Jensen’s heart swells with love. “I remember the first day we met. You just touched something deep inside, I didn’t think even existed. It was like I’ve known you forever. You know why that is?” 

Jensen puts his forefinger across Jared’s lips. “Don’t say it. The last time I heard it, I woke up from a dream. So, if this is a dream, I never want to wake up.”

Their lips meet in a passionate kiss and Jared goes down on him right there next to the Christmas tree. It’s amazingly hot and intimate and when their eyes lock, while Jared sucks him down, Jensen’s heart threatens to explode. It was never like this with Logan, couldn’t have been, and Jensen knows why. 

Because this? It’s real.

  


Jared’s waiting in the arrival hall of San Francisco airport. His parents’ plane just landed half an hour ago. But he knows his mom and even though they’re only staying for five days, she’s probably packed two huge suitcases. So, they’re probably standing at the baggage claim, waiting for their bags to arrive. Jensen and he had invited Megan too, but the girl was staying with Jeff and his wife Nicole and their daughter Katie this year. 

He rocks a little back and forth on his heels. Knowing that his parents are about to meet Jensen makes him nervous, without even really knowing why. But he wants his parents to like Jensen; to accept Jensen as Jared’s boyfriend, because if you ask Jared, Jensen might be around for a long while. 

They may have already seen pictures of Jensen, but it’s still different now that Jared will introduce them in person. Jensen had been a nervous wreck when he left him with Danneel, and Jared really wants to be the calm one here, but it’s a little hard when he doesn’t know how his parents will react. 

Five minutes later his parents are walking towards him and his dad is pulling two huge suitcases, just like Jared assumed. Good thing that he borrowed Chad’s truck to pick them up. 

“Hey, JT.” His mom pulls him into a tight hug. “How’ve you been?”

“Great, thanks.” He turns to his dad and hugs him shortly. “Hey, Dad.”

“Son. I hope you have enough space in the car, since your mom overdid it once again,” his dad grumbles and Jared laughs. 

“It should be fine.”

They drive back to the apartment and Jared knows exactly why he prefers public transportation. Driving is hell and it takes them over an hour to get back. The sun is already setting when Jared parks the car in front of their building. 

The door to Danneel and Sophia’s apartment is open and Jared can see them moving things around. 

“Girls, you need any help?”

Danneel looks up and grins. “Naw, it’s okay. We’re almost finished.” She comes to the door. “Hi, you must be Mr. and Mrs. Padalecki. It’s really nice to finally meet you. I’m Danneel.” She turns around and points at Sophia, who’s now rummaging through a large cardboard box. “And that’s Sophia.” Sophia looks up and waves at them with a grin. 

She shakes hands with Jared’s parents and then officially invites them to their Christmas Eve party. 

“Well, we don’t want to impose,” Jared’s dad says and Danneel shakes her head. 

“Oh no, we’re happy to have you. Sophia’s and my parents are coming too. It’s always a huge get-together. The more the merrier.”

“Well, then we’re happy to come,” Jared’s mom says. “We’ll see you later, Danneel.”

They make their way upstairs and Jared calls out to Jensen when he unlocks the door. The dogs come running, greeting the new faces. 

“They’re adorable, JT,” his mom coos. “And so well behaved.”

“That’s all Jensen,” Jared says and calls out to his boyfriend again. 

Jensen turns the corner. “Hi, sorry. I’ve just finished the guest room.”

Jared grins and walks over to him, throwing his arm around his shoulder. “Well, Mom, Dad, this is Jensen. My boyfriend.”

There’s a long moment of silence while Jared’s mom just stares at Jensen and Jared wants to say something to move on from the awkward moment. His mom is the first to react though and she pulls Jensen into a tight hug. Jared frowns when he sees tears in her eyes. That’s weird. 

“Hello, Jensen. It’s really nice to meet you,” she says and her voice sounds a little shaky. Jared exchanges a look with his dad, but he only shrugs. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Padalecki. I’ve heard a lot about you too.”

“Oh no, none of that. I’m Sherry and this is my husband Gerry.”

Jensen shakes hands with Jared’s father, while Jared watches his mother’s flushed face. She seems happy, but there’s something in her eyes he can’t interpret. He shows his parents the guestroom where they’ll be staying. The dog beds have vanished and instead there’s a dresser and a queen-sized bed standing in the room. 

“It looks lovely,” his mom says.

“Thanks. I’m glad you approve,” Jared says and winks at her. 

They sit down and Jensen brings over some drinks and cookies he baked over the last week. It’s nice and comfortable, even though his mom seems to be fascinated with Jensen. It’s a little odd, Jared thinks, because she’s never shown such a vivid interest in any of his boy- or girlfriends before. He doesn’t think about it any longer, though. 

  


The party is in full swing when they get down to Danneel’s. Danneel’s put up a mistletoe branch in the doorway and Jared stops Jensen for a kiss. Jensen smiles against his lips. 

Sophia pushes a glass of punch into their hands and tells them to have a good time. Jared and Jensen drop down next to Chris and Chad on the couch, while Jared’s parents have spotted Mike and Tom in the corner and start talking to them. Sometimes Jensen forgets that Mike’s known Jared’s family since he was a little boy. 

It’s a great party, with lots to drink and Jensen enjoys being plastered against Jared’s side, with his arm wrapped tightly around his shoulder. 

Jared’s parents said goodnight two hours after they got to the party and Jensen has to admit that he’s a little relieved, because he wasn’t all that comfortable with making out with his boyfriend while his parents were watching. 

But now he pulls Jared down into an intense kiss, licking his way into Jared’s mouth and sucking on his lip. Jared moans, holding the back of Jensen’s head with one hand, while the other steals its way beneath Jensen’s shirt. They don’t get far, because angry screams make their way over to them. Jared pulls away and they both look over to find Danneel and Sophia fighting. Jensen doesn’t know what they’re fighting about, but Danneel’s beet red in the face and Sophia is fuming. 

“You don’t get to tell me what to do, Danni!”

“But he’s an asshole and ten years older than you,” Danneel argues. 

“So?” Sophia shoots back. “What’s it to you? You’ve never had a problem with me dating older guys before.”

Danneel’s staring at her with wide eyes and Jensen can tell she’s ready to crack. “You know what? Just do what you gotta do. I’m outta here.”

She grabs her jacket and rushes towards the door with Sophia close on her heels. “Danni, no. Wait!”

They both stop in the doorway and Jensen knows this is their only chance to get their heads out of their asses. 

He gets up and says, “Girls.”

They both spin around to face him. “What?!”

He grins and points to the mistletoe above them. “Sorry, but it’s tradition.”

Danneel stares at him and then she grabs Sophia and kisses her hard on the lips. Jensen can see that after the surprise is gone, Sophia melts into the kiss, leaning against Danneel’s body. Her hands curl around Danneel’s hips, this kiss isn’t just a little peck. This kiss is a full-blown declaration of Danneel’s love for Sophia. 

When they pull apart, Jensen can see the surprise on each of their faces and then Danneel pulls Sophia outside. Jensen grins and raises his arms in victory. 

“How did you know?” Jared asks. 

Jensen shrugs. “She looks at Soph the same way I look at you. It was pretty obvious, at least over the last few weeks. I guess that was when Danni realized that her little crush was so much more and she couldn’t hide it so well anymore.”

“Well, I hope they can work it out,” Jared says. “They’d be good together.”

“I’m sure they will.” Jensen turns to face Jared, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s hips. “So, you wanna stay or…?”

Jared leans down. “I think I’ll go with ‘or’.”

“But we need to be quiet.”

“I’ll be real quiet,” Jared says. “Promise.”

They rush upstairs and Jared rides Jensen, swallowing each moan with a kiss. They don’t say a word; just look each other in the eye. It’s one of the most intense orgasms Jensen’s ever had and he feels completely sated afterwards. He falls asleep snuggled close to Jared. 

  


“Jen, wake up.”

Jensen groans and turns over, burying his head deeper in the pillow. 

“C’mon, Jen. Jeff, Sam and Joshua will be here in half-an-hour. I’ve already let you sleep in.”

Jensen blinks his eyes open and is met with Jared’s amazing dimpled smile. “Hi,” he breathes and Jared laughs. 

“Hi. C’mon, get in the shower. There’s coffee waiting for you.”

“I love you, you know that?”

Jared presses a kiss to Jensen cheeks. “I know. Love you too. Now, get showered and dressed. I want presents.”

Jensen laughs and stretches his limbs, before climbing out of bed and into the shower. The warm water wakes him up a little and when he pads into the kitchen in jeans and a blue t-shirt a little later, he feels human again. There’s indeed coffee waiting for him. 

He greets Jared’s parents who smile at him and then he takes a sip of his coffee and moans. “I normally don’t function before I’ve had at least three coffees,” he explains and Gerry laughs, while Sherry watches him with a fond smile on her face. 

The doorbell rings and Jensen goes to open the door. Jeff, Sam and Joshua are standing in the hallway and Jensen grins. 

“Hey, Merry Christmas. C’mon in.” 

He hugs Jeff quickly, before kissing Sam’s cheek and then hugging Joshua. His brother’s in the wheelchair they always use when they leave the house, but Jensen can see in Joshua’s eyes that he hates it. Over the last few weeks, Jensen’s gotten really good at reading Joshua’s every expression. 

“Hey, Josh. How about we leave this thing here, huh? I can show you the way to the couch.”

Joshua stands up and slowly follows Jensen into the living room, where Jared and his parents are already waiting. His brother stops dead in his tracks and Jensen smiles softly. 

“Hey, it’s okay. These are Jared’s parents. They won’t hurt you. Okay. I won’t let anything happen to you.” Joshua seems to relax and Jensen leads him over to the couch, before looking over at Gerry and Sherri. “This is my brother Joshua.” He turns around and waves for Sam and Jeff to come closer. “And this is his sister Sam and my really good friend Jeff. Guys, these are Jared’s parents.”

They all shake hands, but something is wrong. Sherry is exceptionally quiet. She’s staring at Joshua and from time to time her gaze wanders over to Jensen. It’s a little unnerving and Jensen wonders if he should say something. Jared seems to notice it too. 

“Mom, is everything okay?”

Sherry doesn’t answer at first and when she does there are tears in her eyes and she shakes her head. “No, it’s not.”

“Mom?” 

“Sherry,” Gerry’s voice is soft, but Jensen knows a warning when he hears one. 

“What’s going on?” he asks. 

“I just… I can’t keep going on like this any longer, Gerry. They have a right to know.”

“Sherry, no. We’ve talked about this.”

“Will somebody tell us what’s going on?” Jared says. “What is it, Mom? Are you sick? Is Dad sick?”

She shakes his head. “No, honey. We’re okay. It’s just that… I think it’s time for all of you to know the truth.”


	16. Something Real 15/15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen has it all; a great job, a loving boyfriend, an amazing family. Then he wakes up to find out that it’s all been a dream.

  


_“I think it’s time for all of you to know the truth.”_

Jared’s head is spinning. “What the heck are you talking about?”

His mom stands up and pats his cheek softly. “I thought I was doing what was best at the time. Believe me, if I’d seen a different option I’d have done it.”

“You’re ‘S’,” Jensen breathes and Jared spins around.

“No, no way. This is… Jensen can’t be my brother, okay. I love him and if he is, I don’t wanna know,” Jared rushes to say. “I… this… damnit this can’t be happening.”

“Calm down, son,” Gerry says. “Jensen’s not your brother, okay? What we have to say won’t endanger your relationship.”

Jared’s shoulders fall and he rubs a hand over his face, reaching back with the other to wrap it around Jensen’s wrist and pulling him towards him. “Okay,” he whispers. He squeezes Jensen’s hand and looks at him. “You wanna hear what they have to say?”

Jensen nods slowly. “I... Yeah, I think I do.”

They sit down slowly and Jared catches Jeff and Sam looking at his parents with anger on their faces. He knows what they’re thinking: How could they?

His mom nods, “Okay. Uhm, I guess I’ll start at the beginning.” She takes a deep breath. “I had two best friends, Claire and Donna. We were joined at the hip all throughout high school and afterwards as well. Donna and I, we went to UT San Antonio together, while Claire went to Berkley. But we never lost contact and always visited each other. UT was also where I met Gerry and Donna met Alan.”

“My parents,” Jensen whispers.

“Yes,” Jared’s mom agrees. “Your parents. Just that their last name was Fisher and not Ackles. But we’ll get to that later. Well, anyway, we got married with a year between us and then Donna fell pregnant with Joshua. She always called him ‘Josh’.”

Tears are streaming down his mom’s face and it breaks Jared’s heart, but he’s also so angry right now. She did this to Jensen; she put him in that facility for twenty-five-years of his life and then she let him wake up.

“Well, anyway. Somehow Donna attracted a stalker. Back then we didn’t really know what to call him or what to do. At first he only sent her flowers and love letters and we waved it off as nothing. But then those letters turned into threats and she received pictures of her and Alan. He was watching them. The police said they couldn’t do anything. So, we tried to deal with it.” She sobs.

“Alan had a car accident a few weeks after the first pictures of Donna and Alan were sent to her,” his dad says calmly. “He died on impact.”

Jensen squeezes Jared’s hand tightly and Jared, feeling tears burning behind his eyes, squeezes back. They’ll get through this, they’ll do it together.

“Donna was devastated,” his mom continues. “Of course, she was. She had just found out that she was pregnant with Jensen and Joshua was still so small. We thought that James – that was the guy’s name – would now stop. But instead he doubled his efforts. Then one night, he broke into the house and threatened Donna. Told her that he’d take out anyone that got in his way and that she belonged to him and only him. She somehow managed to call the police, but by the time they got there James was gone – nowhere to be found.”

“We hoped,” Jared’s dad says. “We hoped it was over. Then the police stopped looking, well, not officially, but we know they loosened the protection detail and the surveillance on James’ apartment. Donna was about to give birth and she was terrified about what he’d do to her boys.”

“That’s when she asked me and Claire to hide you and Joshua. Just for the time it took to take James down.”

“But they didn’t catch him,” Jensen guesses and Jared’s mom shakes her head.

“No, they didn’t. Claire took Joshua with her to California and I stayed with Donna at the hospital until you were born. It was a difficult birth and she lost a lot of blood. She really wanted to hold on, wanted to fight for you. But it was too much on her body. She died about an hour after you were born. Last thing she said was ‘Keep Jensen and Josh safe’. I’m sorry,” she’s openly crying now. “It’s okay,” Jared’s dad says, rubbin his mom’s back. “We did what we could.”

“I wanted to keep you. I really did. I wanted you to grow up and at least know that your mom loved you. But I couldn’t. James knew where you were and I’d just had Jeff and I couldn’t endanger any of your lives. So, I staged your death. One of the nurses helped me and we changed your last name to Ackles, so James wouldn’t have a way to find you. I really thought that Josh would be safe with Claire.”

“Eric was a friend of mine and Alan’s during college,” Jared’s dad explains. “I knew about the experiment he was planning, so I asked him if he’d… And he said ‘yes’, so we took you to Washington.”

“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I promised your mom to keep you safe,” his mom says.

“And then what?” Jared asks, biting back angry tears. “You just forgot about him? Or better yet, why did you leave him there for twenty-five-years?”

His mom looks at him and lets out a deep breath. “We never forgot about him. I flew up there at least once or twice a year to visit him and tell Jensen stories about his mom and dad and brother. When Jensen was five, we considered waking him up for the first time.”

“But?” It’s Jeff who asks this question, staring at her intently.

“Joshua went missing. I can’t prove it, but I know that James had a hand in this. He did this. I don’t know how or what went down exactly, but I know he did this. Claire called me, completely out of her mind with worry and I swore to myself that I’d never let him get his hands on Jensen, ever. So I prolonged Jensen’s stay at the facility and with Eric. I knew he was in good hands.” She’s looking right at Jeff and Jeff is the first one to look away.

“Then what happened?” Jensen asks, his voice shaky.

“Nothing, James never surfaced as far as I can tell. But I kept up my bi-yearly visits and I started to talk to you about my family and about what I had hoped would have happened if you weren’t at the facility. I showed you photos, of your parents and of Jeff, Jared and Megan. I know Eric asked me not to do it, but I had to.”

“When did you visit him?” Jeff asked. “I was with him every day.”

“You remember those days where Eric had you stay at home, because he wanted to test Jensen’s brain?”

Jeff nods. “Sure.”

“He didn’t. Those were the days I visited. I knew it was risky, but I had to.”

“You told us that you were attending a conference, or something like that,” Jared breathes.

“Yeah, I did.”

“So, what happened that you decided to let me wake up?” Jensen asks and Jared’s hand hurts from how tight he’s squeezing it.

“James died. I guess it was fate or something, but he had a car accident a few weeks before your twenty-fifth birthday. I saw it in the newspaper and it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I knew that I had to let you go. So I called Eric. The rest you know better than I do.”

Jensen nods and gets up from the couch. “I… This is… Uhm, I’m taking the dogs for a walk. Excuse me.”

“Jen,” Jared rushes after him. “Please.”

“Jay, just – I need some time by myself,” Jensen pleads softly. “I’ll be back, I promise. But I need time to think.”

The front door closes and Jared’s left standing in the hallway with tears in his eyes and anger burning in his belly. His parents did this. He can’t wrap his head around the fact that his parents handed Jensen over to the facility. And they took everything away from him too.

“How could you?” Jared spins around, stalking over to where his dad is comforting his mom. “How could you? You did this. He had everything, everything, and you took it away from him.”

“It wasn’t real,” his dad says.

“It was real to him!” Jared yells back.

A hand lands on his shoulder and he turns to see Jeff looking at him. “We think it’s best if we leave.”

Jared frowns. “What? What’s wrong with you? Aren’t you angry? They did this. They signed him up.”

“They tried to keep him safe,” Sam says, patting Jared’s cheek. “And they did. Besides, Jensen’s happy now.”

Jared shakes his head. “I don’t get it – I don’t get you. How can you just accept this?”

“It was a difficult way to go about it, but it brought him here. I might have never met him otherwise. Joshua might have never met him otherwise,” Sam reasons.

“She could have adopted him,” Jared says angrily. “I could have grown up with him.”

“Jared,” Jeff says softly, grabbing Jared’s shoulder lightly. “Then he might have ended up like Joshua, or worse, he could have been killed. Am I happy about how it went down? No, but I think your parents did what they thought was best and safest for the kids in that moment.”

Jared shakes his head again. “I…”

“It’ll be okay, Jared. Just take some time to think about it,” Jeff says. “Call me if you need anything.”

The front door opens and then closes again and Jared feels lost. He’s angry and his heart is hurting and he wants to blame someone.

“JT, honey.”

He turns around to face his mom. “What?”

“I’m sorry. I know you’re angry, but I want you to understand that I did what I thought was best, as did your father.”

Jared nods. “Yeah.”

“We’ll move into a hotel. Give you and Jensen some space. Okay?”

“Whatever you think is best,” Jared grits out. His mom doesn’t try to hug or comfort him and he doesn’t know if he’s glad about it or not.

“Call us. We’re in town for the next four days,” his dad says and Jared swallows hard.

His parents leave and the silence in the apartment echoes in his head. A few hours ago, he’d wanted nothing more than to open his presents and now? Now, he just wants nothing more than to bury himself in his bed and forget the day ever happened.

  


It’s cold outside and his breath comes out foggy, but Jensen doesn’t really notice it. His head is spinning with what he’s just learned.

His parents are dead, not that he ever believed anything different. But sometimes he’d wondered if they were still out there somewhere. They aren’t. Jensen thinks it should be a relief to know what happened; what really went down and why he ended up how he ended up.

But it’s not.

It just gives him a headache and in the end, he realizes that the same thing is fact, as it was before he knew what he knows now. He’s happy with his life. This is real and real feels so much better, so much more intense than anything in his ‘dream life’.

Does he wish Sherry and Gerry could have found another way? Maybe, because then he could have had Jared in his life forever.

Is he angry with them that they let him wake up? Not anymore, not since he learned that living a real life is so much better than dreaming up one.

If anything, he’s angry with them because they left him there for so long. But then again, what if they hadn’t? Would James have found him? Would he have ended up like Joshua; locked inside his own body and mind?

It’s a moot point to fantasize about what could have been. Jensen’s learned that the hard way and he doesn’t want to wonder anymore; he did that for long enough. He wants to go home and be happy with Jared and the dogs, with his friends and his family.

Today is Christmas and they should be celebrating, should be a family.

He sighs and pulls at the dogs’ leashes, turning them around and walking back. There’s no reason to be angry anymore. He has everything he’s ever wished for and he doesn’t want to have a day where he’s not enjoying his life.

Unlocking the door, he calls, “Jay?”

“In the kitchen.” Jared’s voice is raw and deep and Jensen knows he’s been crying.

“Jared?” he asks again when he walks into the kitchen. His boyfriend turns around and there are tearstains on his cheeks. “Hey, why’re you crying?”

“I’m sorry, Jen. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know they were capable of something like this.”

“Baby,” Jensen whispers. “It’s okay. I’m not angry.”

“You’re not? But why?”

“Because they brought me here. Whatever they did, it brought me here, to you. And I can never regret that.”

“But what if they…” Jared starts.

“Shh,” Jensen interrupts. “No more ‘what if’s’. I’ve lived too long with them. I’ve lived too long in the past. Now, I’m here and I’m happy and I love you.” He pushes up on his tiptoes and presses a kiss to Jared’s mouth. “From now on we only look forward.”

Jared nods slowly. “I love you too.”

“So, there’s so much to eat here. How about we call Jeff and your parents and ask them to come back and celebrate Christmas with us? Would that be okay?” Jared looks at him with wide eyes. “Jay, are you okay with that?”

His boyfriend nods. “Yeah, okay.”

Jensen grins and reaches for the phone. “Well, then.” While he waits for Jeff to answer, he lifts Jared’s hand to his lips and kisses it.

“Merry Christmas.”

  
_Epilogue_   


  


Jared’s late and his lungs are burning inside his chest while he runs along the gravelly path. His bag is heavy on his back and he’s panting. That’s when he hears it: laughter, loud and clear and beautiful. He slows down and grins a little.

Jensen’s laughter is the best.

He turns around the next corner and sees his boyfriend with all of their friends and respective families sitting on the grass. There are several blankets laid out, and his friends and family are sitting scattered on them.

Jared smiles. This is awesome. It’s his birthday and Sam had offered up her backyard for a barbecue. And this? It’s amazing.

He walks over to where Jensen’s sitting and now looking over at him and grinning broadly.

“Jay,” he calls. “We thought you’d forgotten your own birthday.”

Jared laughs. “Naw, but there was an emergency at the clinic, so I had to help.”

“It’s okay,” Jensen says, getting to his feet and planting a kiss on Jared’s mouth. “Happy birthday.”

It’s the cue for all his friends to congratulate him. He hugs them tightly one after the other. Then, there are Sam, Jeff and Joshua – who’s actually looking him in the eyes while shaking his hand. Joshua is doing so much better. He’s responding well. He might never speak again, but they all are getting really good at guessing what Joshua is telling them with his eyes.

His parents are next. Things have been a little strained between them ever since Christmas, but Jared is working on forgiving them. If Jensen can, Jared should be able to do so too. Jared hugs them and kisses his mom’s cheek, which makes her tear up. He smiles at her and she pats his cheek.

“You’re a good boy, JT.”

Jared laughs softly. “All thanks to you.”

Megan, his brother Jeff and his wife Nicole and Katie, their daughter, are next to congratulate him and Jared’s really happy that they came to San Francisco just for his birthday.

“Thank you,” Jared calls out when everyone is sitting down again. “It really means a lot that you’re all here today.”

“Sap!” Chad yells and everyone laughs.

Jared shakes his head, smiling fondly. “Well, anyway. I could eat. What about you?”

That’s how they get the barbecue started and later Jared sits down next to Jensen, rubbing Harley’s head.

“And are you enjoying your birthday?” Jensen asks.

Jared looks around. Chad and Chris are deep in conversation with Mike, Tom and his brother, while Danneel and Sophia are sitting a little further away, kissing softly. Jared smiles. Yeah, they had finally been able to work it out. Then there is Sam, his mom and Nicole talking and laughing. Joshua is sitting next to Megan, listening to her read the newspaper to him. And lastly there’re Jeff and his dad.

So, yeah, everyone who means something to Jared is here, celebrating with him.

“Yeah, it’s great. Thank you.” He kisses Jensen softly. “I love you.”

Jensen smiles. “Love you too. Oh and there’s one more present waiting for you at home.”

“Oh yeah?” Jared asks, because Jensen already gave him the watch he had wanted so badly.

“Yeah,” Jensen breathes. “It might involve you and me getting naked.”

Jared feels his cheeks heat up. “Well, then I can’t wait.”

They kiss gently and when Jared pulls back, Jensen beams at him. It’s the best birthday Jared’s ever had.

The End

A/N: I’m a little sad to see this story end. But I really enjoyed writing it. Hopefully you did too. Thank you for reading and going on this ride with me.


End file.
